A Sad Day

So I'm back to work, trying to get ready for parent-conferences, getting my progress reports ready, testing all my kids and discussing the data, trying to catch up from last week, etc. when something horrible happened.

One of our Para-professionals (a teacher-helper person...they work really hard and are really dedicated to the kids and generally live in the community) has two kids: a Junior and a Freshman. Both boys go to the local high school and they've lived here all their lives so everyone knows them. Our para loves her boys and is always talking about them...even though some of us had never met them, we felt like we knew them because we knew what classes they were taking, who they were dating, what they did over the summer, etc.

Last Friday, our para got up to come to work and she looked outside and her 15 year old had hung himself from a tree in their backyard. She ran out and got him down, but it was too late. He was barely alive and brain dead. They took him to the hospital and then took him off of life support on Friday night. He had successfully killed himself and hadn't even really left a note. The only note he left was for his girlfriend: what she was supposed to do with some bracelets.

I can't even imagine the horror of that. Not only has this wonderful family lost their youngest son, but now they have to live with the fact that he killed himself and they don't even know why. What do you say? What do you do? I can't imagine anything worse than that.

I went to the viewing yesterday after work to pay my respects. It was horrible. Almost the entire high school was there: they were all crying and asking themselves why no one had seen how desperate this poor boy was. I saw my friend and her husband and gave them both a hug and told them I loved them. What else can you say? I told her that I was comforted by the fact that her baby is now watching over all of us and she gave me a tearful smile and said he was up there watching over all the kids of her friends and family to be sure this never happens again. I can only hope that's true.

How does someone get through something like that? I saw the older brother there: imagine what he's going through now. He's an only child now: he'll have that to live with the rest of his life.

The funeral is today and I have to be honest: I'm somewhat glad I couldn't take another day off to go to it. I don't know that I could handle it. The raw emotion that will be there might just throw me for a loop. I was rocking Maelin to sleep last night and I was thinking that just 15 short years ago, my friend was rocking her little baby boy to sleep and thinking how perfect and wonderful and magical life was now that he was here. I wonder what she thinks now as she goes into his empty room and looks around.

They've cut down the tree in the backyard and they're going to plant a rose garden in the spring. I'm sending them a gift card to buy some roses for it but that seems like such a small thing to do. All we can do is be here for her and let her talk or cry or whatever she needs.

I wanted to post this story as a wake-up call that our kids can be troubled and we can have no idea. My friend has always been such an involved parent: I can't imagine the "what ifs" she'll be facing for the rest of her life. If we can all get involved with a kid: doesn't even have to be our kids, maybe we can stop this from happening again.

In case you're interested in learning more, here is a link to a wonderful article about suicide prevention. Incidentally, Colorado has a very high suicide rate...one of the highest in the country.
http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10213.html

We've Discovered Our Toes!

Auntie Kat will be excited: she once said that she thought babies who played with their toes was the cutest things ever...

Maelin just discovered these things on the ends of her legs and if she grabs them, they stay up by her face. It is pretty darn cute...

Maelin's First Playdate

This is a bit of a delayed post due to my sickness, but I wanted to share it anyway. Last weekend, we drove about a 1/2 hour to visit a good friend of ours and her two kids. They have a house with a great backyard and a swing.

Maelin LOVED the swing! We put her in it and she was super happy for about 20 minutes while the other kids played and pushed her and they all had a great time.

Note to self: get backyard and swingset soon...

Out For The Count

Believe it or not, but I'm sicker than I think I've ever been. Shocking, isn't it? It's not like I don't have anything going on or I haven't been getting enough sleep or I haven't been under stress...

I stayed home another day on Tuesday under the advisement of my very wise mother in law and I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with pneumonia and have very strict instructions to rest, rest, rest (or I could replase) and take the rest of the week off.

How to do that, is the problem.

Thank goodness for good friends. Christina popped by on Monday and she was a lifesaver. She took care of Maelin while I took a shower and took a nap. Then she got me some lunch (I'm still not eating very much) and went to the grocery store for me. I couldn't thank her enough for giving up her day like that.

Tuesday I took Maelin to daycare. I knew I was just too weak and too tired (and coughing all over her) to be much good to her. Then I went to the doctor, got x-rays, came home and took a nap and dropped my dr note off at work. Every time I try to have more than a 2 sentence conversation with someone, I end up coughing so much, I have to go spit or sit down because I'm out of air.

Wednesday was more of the same. Took Maelin to daycare. It's totally worth the drive because I know she's safe and happy there and I just don't have the energy to get up and make myself something to eat, let alone take care of a baby. Really, I haven't even seen her much this past week and I've been too sick to care. Never thought you'd hear me say that, did you?

Just called my principal and was coughing so hard, I couldn't speak more than 5 words at a time. She was very sweet and told me not to worry: they'd see me next week if I need to be gone till then.

That put me in in a panic: I have nothing planned for next week: I have progress reports due, homework packets to make, kids to assess, literacy centers to plan...now I'm a week behind.

Think about that later, I keep telling myself. Right now, I'm excited about the little victories. I haven't been able to put Maelin to bed for 3 nights now: I cough too much and it keeps her up. However, I was just able to do it. I also ate a waffle and a sandwich today: more food than I've had since last Thursday.

Seems I'm getting better...however, this is what the info sheet says about pneumonia that the doctor gave me:

Pneumonia is an infection of the lungs. It can be very mild or very severe. Take enough time to recover completely as if it returns, it tends to be more severe the 2nd time. It may take a few weeks to a few months to recover fully from pneumonia depending on how well you take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and sleep. You may feel weak and tired for up to 6 weeks, but your energy level will improve with time.

Doesn't really take into account my crazy job and my new baby, does it?

When it rains...

Home Sick

I've called in sick today. I spent all of Sat and Sun just getting as much rest as I could, (which wasn't much) and I thought if I went to work today, I'd just right back where I was.

I made a sub plan on Friday in the off-chance that I'd have to do this: it's been a long time since a cold/flu has knocked me out for more than 2 days. We called Sandra last night (thanks Kate!) to tell her we wouldn't be there today and she said I could drop off Maelin anyway so I could get some rest, but I don't want to do that. Firstly, it's too far a drive to do that and secondly, I want to hang with Maelin. Even sick at home with her is better than being at work without her.

I've had a rough weekend though. Sleeping has been an exercise in torture. I'm so exhausted: I feel beaten, bruised and weak. My stomach is sore from all the coughing, my throat is sore, I'm cold then hot, I have no appetite so I'm pretty weak and dizzy and I can't sleep because of all this. We set up a pillow-thing in our bed for me (yes, Kevin has been banished to the couch due to all my coughing, tossing and turning) so I'm basically sleeping sitting up which is as comfortable as it sounds. That doesn't even work.

The one saving grace is that I had some codeine cough syrup left over from last year when I was sick and that is the only thing that's calmed my cough long enough to sleep for about 2 hours at a time. Thank goodness for narcotics!

So we're home sick today. A friend might stop by later to help us out but otherwise, we're going to stay in our pajamas, take naps and just be lazy. It will be like old times.

Here's a picture of baby enjoying her play desk as I write this. She's pretty busy and excited to be at home and not rushing off to daycare.

So am I.

It Was Bound To Happen...

I knew it would happen eventually. I was just hoping I could ward it off for a bit longer. One of the things that I knew would come has come.

I've gotten sick. Shocking, huh?

I think I have either a really bad cold or a touch of the flu. At work yesterday, I almost fell asleep while pumping (with my head on the copy machine) and I alternated between my teeth chattering and sweating. I have a really bad cough and I feel like my entire body has been beaten with a baseball bat.

I never thought pre-baby how lucky I was when I was sick to be able to just be sick. This is what my night would have looked like last year before Maelin had I come down with this:

Pre-Baby Sick Activities

5:30pm Come home and lay on the couch. Cover up with 2 or 3 blankets and watch crappy TV. Maybe take a catnap or two.

7:00pm Send Kevin out for dinner and really act it up how crappy I felt so I could get some sympathy from him.

8:00pm Continue strenuous laying-on-couch activities. Sophie would get up there with me and we'd stretch out and enjoy ourselves.

9:00pm Take a long, hot bath.

10:00pm Have Kevin make me some tea and finally go to bed. Sleep as best as I could while coughing and don't wake up until 10am or so.

10:00am Call some friends and complain how tired I am.

That's a laugh now. There is no rest time when you have a 5 month old and you're sick. This is what my night did look like last night:

Post-Baby Sick Activities

5:30pm Sit on the chair w/ Maelin and feed her. The whole time she's eating, I'm starting to nod off. Pray that Kevin gets home soon because I'm really feeling weak and run-down and I don't want to get the baby sick.

5:45pm Maelin falls asleep. I try to close my eyes as well, but I'm freezing. I didn't think to get a blanket on me before she fell asleep.

6:30pm Kevin comes home and he's brought soup. Thank the lord. Maelin has woken up now so he takes her so I can eat. I'm still freezing and shaking and exhausted.

7:30pm I lay on the couch for about 10 minutes huddled in a baby blanket trying to warm up. I hear the baby squealing and cooing in the next room and I'm really mad I'm sick because I missed her horribly this week and I just wanted to play with her.

8:30pm The baby gets a bath. I could have left this job to Kevin and gone and taken a bath myself (see pre-baby activities) but I love giving MaeMae her bath. She's so cute and I don't want to miss it. I prop myself up on the counter so I don't fall over while she's in the sink.

9:00pm We feed baby one last time and I take her in to rock her to sleep. I nod off again while doing this. Thank goodness she's tired because she falls asleep in about 20 minutes.

9:30pm I go to bed. Praying that this is one of the nights Maelin decides to sleep the whole night through.

5:00am I hear the baby talking in her crib. She's so cute. I'm feeling a bit better and I'm so happy she didn't wake up throughout the night and I go get her to feed her. Kevin gets up and puts her back to sleep so I can sleep some more.

7:00am Baby is up. She doesn't realize it's a Saturday and therefore we sleep in. She's ready to play. So much for sleeping in.

I know I'll be able to take a nap later today because Kevin is here so I'm feeling okay right now. I think I'm just totally run-down (I wonder how that happened?) and exhausted. I'll try to use the weekend to catch up on my sleep and rest.

Keep your fingers crossed that Maelin doesn't catch this...

Maelin Loves To Eat!

So we've been getting ready to start Maelin on cereal for a few days now: we didn't get around to it this weekend, so we figured we'd start on Saturday. Well, Miss MaeMae decided she didn't want to wait that long...

She's been waking up much more often during the night to eat: I didn't really care because now that I'm back at work, it's a nice way to spend a few minutes with her. Today at daycare, I called to see how she was doing (well, Kate called for me as I don't speak Spanish...) and Sandra said Maelin was sooooo hungry. She said she was just gobbling down her milk like she couldn't get enough.

I called Kevin on the way home and told him we needed to up the feeding schedule for tonight. A bit nervous because he's never fed a baby real food before and it's been a long time for me, we plunged ahead.

As our house is so small, we don't have a highchair: just a chair-thing that you are supposed to strap to your kitchen chairs. Well, Kevin came home and looked at it and didn't even want to take it out of the box because our chairs are round and this thing has a square base and he was worried that it wouldn't be stable enough for our little pumpkin. So we draped a beach towel over her bouncy seat, turned on football and mixed up the cereal with a little breastmilk: yum! Let the feeding begin!

We had no idea what to expect: would MaeMae spit it all out? Would she gobble it up and want more? Would she think it was gross? Would she put her fists in her mouth and smear it all over her hair? Would we regret doing this on our couch?

Turns out, just like everything else so far, Maelin was terrific! It was soooo cute: at first, her little tongue just kept pushing it out but after about 2 tries, she got the hang of it and ate it all up with a minimal mess! She put her fist in her mouth a few times during the feed, but she didn't fling it all over or anything: she was actually really good!

It made me a bit sad, honestly. My baby is really starting to get bigger now. But, I have to say, she's so darn cute at this stage: I can't wait for what happens next.

Can't wait till we get to try peas and carrots on her!!

Oh, and we're going to the consignment store this weekend to buy a proper highchair...

The Amazing Amount of Non-Teaching Stuff

First, I want to say that I know every job has stuff that you hate to do, you feel has no real bearing on your performance and is a waste of time. That being said...

Let me shed some light on some of the things teachers have to do when they should be teaching kids how to read, how to add and how to write their names:

* Test every single kid who is below grade level (in some classes, that's every kid) every week to see if they are improving. Keep in mind that there are 5 days in a school week and testing that many kids is going to take time. When do you do it? During class time of course. Instead of running a small reading group or teaching handwriting, we have to take time every week out of our instructional time to test every single kid. Do you think a kid will make any significant gains in 4 days? No...but we still have to do it.

* Link the state standards (the stuff the govt says we have to teach) to our curriculum to prove we're actually teaching it. Like we're idiots. This is going to take me all year to do: even though a committee linked everything 2 years ago, we just got a new curriculum so I have to do it myself. I have to take every lesson I teach and write it down on how it applies: even something like "writes legibly." (yes, that's writing standard 1.3). I feel that should go without saying, but who am I to argue with the district or the state?

* Enter my miles and miles of testing results into different computer programs that will analyze it for me. I need to enter reading data every week, writing data, math data and decide what I should be teaching in order to fill in the gaps....hmmmmmm. Aren't I supposed to hit all the state standards? (see above) Didn't realize I had a choice about what to teach! (don't forget I'm taking that much time away from my instruction in order to give these tests every week!)

* Meet with the administration for 40 minutes every week to discuss our testing results. Okay, I'm over this already! Please trust me and leave me alone to let me teach the kids!

* Clean my room. Yup, the custiodian vaccums but that's it. What other profession has their staff dusting, washing down the sinks, disenfecting the tables, desks, computers, water fountains, etc.? I'd love to walk into a dentists office or a marketing firm and see the staff cleaning their sinks instead of working.

There's more of course, but you're getting bored: heck, I'm getting bored with it. Couldn't we just all agree that teaching is a profession: just like nursing or being a lawyer and we should let the professionals have the final say in how it's run because they just might have the kids' best interests at heart? I know that the public has a right to say what they think because it's their tax dollars being spent and their kids, but really folks:

Is it better that I'm spending about 5 hours per week (of class time) administering tests, grading tests, entering data for tests and discussing the data around the tests or would that time be better spent actually teaching the kids how to read?

I think George Bush and the No Child Left a Dime act has decided that question for all of us already.

Maelin is 5 Months Old Today!

My little one is growing up! I can't believe that it's been 5 months since we've had her: it seems like it's gone by in the blink of an eye, but I also can't imagine life without her.

It's crazy how fast kids grow up. My friend from high school's son is in 5th grade now! That's so hard for me to believe because I was there when he was about 3 weeks old: I remember helping to change his diapers and I remember the wonderment that comes with a new baby and now he's in 5th grade and it seems like that happened yesterday.

I wish there was a better way to preserve the precious time we have with our kids when they are young...I take tons of pictures, we bought a camcorder, I record things in her baby book and I'll have this blog to look back on but I won't have the smells of Maelin. I won't have the twinkle in her eyes, the softness of her skin, the soft sighs she makes as she snuggles into me when she's going to sleep. My little infant is already gone forever: there's a chubby, drooling, squealing baby in her place. I love this baby as much or even more as I loved the infant, but I miss the infant just the same.

In a few short months, my chubby baby will be gone and a toddler will be running amok. Then an inquisitive (I hope) pre-schooler will be hanging out and then a school-aged kid and before we know it, Maelin will be in 5th grade and this post will read, "Maelin's in 5th grade today: Where did the time go?"

It's hard to imagine I'll be as in love with these other kids that Maelin will turn into as I am with her now. I hope that I'll be as present as possible and our time together will be well-spent. She's such an amazing little soul already: full of love and happiness and contentment and sweetness and joy. Those are such precious qualities and I hope they grow with her...

It's going to be a great ride.

Back to School Night...Will My Extra Work Be Worth It?

Tomorrow night is BTS night. The purpose is for the parents to come see their child's classroom, meet the teacher, see the resources and ask any questions that they may have. It's usually a pretty fun time for both teacher and parent ( and the kids loooooove to bring their parents into their classrooms.)

BTS nights in the past have usually been pretty low-key for me. I set up the room so the parents can wander around, I give a quick over-view of what my expectations are and I invite questions. I haven't put a lot of work into it before now because I never really got much of a showing. Most parents in my district have to work at night or they don't have a car or they're afraid to come to school or they're just not interested enough to get down there.

I decided this year was going to be different. This was the year I was going to get more participation from my parents and that's going to be the difference in my kids' performance. I've got a pretty tough group now so I can use all the help I can get.

Together with my student teacher, I created a "Back to School Night" powerpoint presentation to show the parents. I even sent it to Kevin's work and he had a co-worker translate it for me so I have something for the Spanish speaking parents. I'm really excited about it. There's nothing on it that I didn't tell the parents about in past years, but I hope my enthusiasm rubs off and more parents come, more parents get involved in their kids' education and I set a good example for my poor, naive student teacher who thinks I do this every year and I just lost it because I got a new computer over the summer.

I'll let you know how it goes. For the past 3 years, I've gotten about 5 parents show up from my entire class. I'm hoping to at least double that tomorrow: I'll be happy if 10 show up.

I'll keep you posted.

Maelin Discovers Gizmo

Up until now, Maelin hasn't really noticed the cats much. They're gray, slow and they've learned to stay far away when she's around. Lately, Maelin has taken an interest in Gizmo: for no other reason but that he gets in her face and around her.

When he was sleeping up here, we brought the baby over for them to meet each other. Maelin grabbed at his fur, taking out handfuls at a time but Gizmo just sat there and purred. I guess negative attention is better than no attention at all!

I think they're going to be great friends eventually. They sure were cute together!