Mistakes Parents Make

I was going to title this post, "Mistakes NEW Parents Make" but I decided that was a cop-out and I wanted to own the fact that I screwed up tonight w/ my little girl.

She's a full-blown toddler now with ideas of her own. She is as stubborn as can be and she only wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Most of the time, it's pretty cute and we pick our battles with her but the time that's proving the most frustrating is dinner time.

For some reason, our little sunshine does NOT want to eat dinner. Maybe she's just not hungry...ever. Maybe she's pissed off that she's confined in her chair. The doctor says it's a phase and just make her eat a few bites and then let her go...she'll eat when she's hungry. We've tried doing that but it's so hard to only let your child eat one bite of dinner when you KNOW she's going to be cranky in 45 minutes! Oh the stress of an opinionated 17 month old!

So anyway, we've had some issues during dinner time. The worst is when Maelin gets so mad and fed up with us that she tries to hit us. That landed her in her first time-out ever about 2 weeks ago: we put her in the "naughty spot" and said "no hitting Mommy!" and left her there for 1 minute (it's supposed to be 1 minute for every year). She cried and cried like her heart was breaking...it was actually pretty funny. Then when I went to get her, my darling girl wouldn't come to me. She was mad, her feelings were hurt that I had the nerve to punish her and she shook her head "no" at me and ran into her room. That was pretty funny too. Of course, 3 minutes later, we were best friends again.

So tonight was a rough night. I had an awful day at work today: nothing super notable, just a hard day with hard kids and hard expectations from the administration that are impossible to meet. I came home exhausted and just wanted to play with Maelin for a while. Nope...she wanted to be outside. She screamed and cried and eventually calmed down but then we were both not in the best mood.

Daddy came home and took her outside while I made dinner. She's been soooo picky lately so I've been trying new stuff to see what she'll eat and what she won't. I made her old standby: mac n cheese with some veggies and tuna, hoping she might like it. I went outside to get her and she did NOT want to come in for dinner. She tried to hit me and shook her head "no" at me and tried to run away.

At this point, I was angry at her. I'm exhausted too and I just want us to eat dinner like normal people: I don't need this drama! So I said "Fine Maelin, bye." (I know, not the most mature) and went in the house. I saw her from the window just crying her eyes out like she wanted me...tears streaming down her face. So I went back out to get her. Nope...she still tried to hit me and run away.

Too bad...who's the parent here, anyway? I scooped her up and took her into the house with her wailing the entire time like I was beating her. I finally got her calmed down and into her high chair for dinner. I served her the mac n cheese/tuna/veggie combo and waited for a reaction.

She did NOT want to eat. Kept shaking her head "no" at me, turning away, hitting the air, screeching, and whining. Okay, stay calm, I was thinking. Kevin got the ranch dressing because lately, that's been the best way to get her to try something new. We dipped a noodle (no tuna or veggies) into the ranch and she did eat that. Then nothing....she didn't want a thing.

She started throwing the food and smashing it all over the place. I said "No!" to her in a loud voice so she would know we were serious about table manners. She scrunched up her face and looked like I had just beat her with a stick. She starting crying....and crying....and crying.

18 minutes later, Kevin and I are watching our little drama-queen daughter in a tantrum. She was screaming and crying and I think by this point, she was so worked up, she didn't know what to do with herself. So I got a washcloth to clean her up (from all the very rude food-throwing) so I could get her out and she tried to slap me and made a big "uuuuuhhh" noise like she was very angry!

She was trying to hit me...for real this time. Not because she was trying to get away, but because she was mad. That is NOT okay with me so I turned her around in her chair so she was sitting in the corner and Kevin said "No hitting!" and we left her there and went into the kitchen.

She was NOT happy...screaming and wailing and yelling and tears and snot everywhere. Good grief. We left her in the chair for about a minute then I went and I had to hold her arms down so I could clean her up and then I took her in her room to rock and cuddle her to calm her down. She was sobbing and hiccuping and very upset. It took about 20 minutes to get her back to normal.

I was wiped out by this point, so Kevin was playing with her while we talked about her antics. Kevin and I do not want children that hit, yell and disrespect their parents so we thought we had done the right thing...maybe we had.

Around 8pm, our little one was so crabby that I thought I would just put her to bed early. Then I saw a banana that she hadn't finished earlier from her snack. Hmmmmmm...I thought. Maybe she was just hungry and didn't like the tuna smell (like I don't) during dinner and that's what all the fuss was about???

I gave her a bite of banana and it was like the poor kid hadn't eaten in a week. She ate the whole banana: which has never happened before. She only ever eats 1/2 of it at a time. Then she drank a full glass of milk and had 3 graham crackers.

So that was it...she was HUNGRY and didn't like the tuna! That's why she was hitting me and throwing the food around. She wasn't trying to be naughty: she was trying to communicate the only way she knew how. Then when we didn't understand and got mad at her, she lost it.

I felt awful. I still feel awful. I know in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal. However, I was exhausted from work and wasn't really thinking things through: after dealing with 28 kids all day, you don't come home with an awful lot of energy left to deal with your own.

I know this won't be the last mistake Kevin and I make in this wild parenting thing but I sure wish it was. This little person deserves parents who DO have the energy to figure things out when she needs it...

If anyone wants to leave a message about the parenting mistakes you might have made, I'd feel better. I'm going to go make her a great lunch for tomorrow to make it up to her.