So anyone who talks to me on a fairly regular basis knows that I had a pretty miserable pregnancy. Let me preface this by saying that I know I was lucky to be pregnant in the first place and I’m so thankful for the experience. HOWEVER, for those of you who haven’t yet gone through this wonderful evolution, here is a list of ways your body may change. Keep in mind that some of these symptoms may be more severe and debilitating:
*Top Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy (or they tell you but you don’t believe it will ever happen to you or you misjudge how much it will actually mess up your life)
1. No Sushi (this doesn’t seem like a big deal but believe me…once someone tells you can’t have it, you want it more)
2. No Beer, Wine, Cocktails, etc… (again, this is a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how left-out of things you feel)
3. Pregnancy is 10 MONTHS, not 9 (yup…it’s 40 weeks)
4. No Advil, Claritin, Pepto, Cold Medication or any of the other wonderful drugs you’ve come to depend on. (I remember my first pregnancy cold…ahhhhhhh, the relief of one Benadryl and 2 Tylenol every 4-6 hours. Don’t let them fool you; Tylenol does NOTHING for body pain!)
5. Pregnancy “GLOW” is sweat
6. Excessive flatulence. (it’s not ladylike, but I could have powered a scooter)
7. Heartburn…without the help of anything except warehouse-sized Tums
8. Ungodly diarrhea or constipation depending on the heartburn
9. Your brain shrinks
10. Public Petting…it’s suddenly ok for every stranger to pat your belly
11. Morning Sickness (or afternoon sickness, or evening sickness…Kevin became an expert at making me tea)
12. Incredible Exhaustion…I was too tired to answer emails. How much energy does it take to move a mouse?
13. Incontinence. Need I say more? Just don't make me laugh
14. Difficulty breathing
15. Difficulty sleeping. I was on a first-name basis with all the infomercial hosts. They were my late-night buddies
16. No hot tubs…especially upsetting while you’re on vacation and everyone else is in it and looking at you sadly
17. Water Retention or Swelling (I had to buy size 10 shoes to get through it…I normally wear a size 8)
18. Clumsiness
19. Your boobs get HUGE and they HURT
20. Emotional Instability (We were at a restaurant and I cried because they didn’t bring ranch with my fries)
21. Hip Pain, Back Pain, Foot Pain, Shoulder Pain, etc. (Got so bad we spent $250 on chiropractic care. Take two Tylenol, my doctor said. Grrrrrrrrrrr)
22. No Mexican food due to heartburn and toilet issues
23. Maternity Clothes. Oh yes, you can find cute maternity clothes…I once saw an adorable maternity t-shirt for $75!!!! It was a t-shirt for god’s sake! But I would have looked good in it!
24. Erosion of Personal Identity. As much as I loved talking about the baby, there was more to me and my life than that. I should have got a t-shirt made that said, “I’m due April 19, it’s a girl and I feel fine.” That shirt would have saved me so much time! (and I bet it wouldn’t have cost $75 either!)
25. Nothing fits…not even maternity clothes. The pants fall down, you need to buy new bras, socks, underwear, and even flip-flops, the shirts come with spaghetti straps (excuse me??? What pregnant woman wears shirts with spaghetti straps and no bras? ), the pants are too short, the shirts don’t fit across your mammoth boobs, the shirts are also too short and don’t cover your bulbous belly, god help you if it snows outside because your coat certainly isn’t going to help you, and you spend your entire day fixing your pants, stretching your shirt, hiking up your orthopedic socks that won’t cut off circulation in your swollen ankles, adjusting your HUGE bra and wondering where the women are that say they loved being pregnant so you could go kick their ass with your size 10 feet
26. Pregnancy-Induced Asthma and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Thankfully, the asthma went away but I still have the CTS. My doctor said to give it a year and if it’s still around, surgery can correct it. Great
27. Sex. It’s a joke. As my hilarious friend Kate once said about sex during pregnancy….”You wanna get with this???” Believe me, NO ONE wants to get with this. Not even you. Just forget about it and everyone will be much happier
28. Incredible sense of smell…I once heard it refered to as “dog nose.” You’d think this isn’t a big deal but it surely is when one of your students constantly smells like cat pee
29. It’s worth it. All of it. I’d do it again in a second if it meant I got to have my beautiful girl.
4 comments:
Mara, I am so proud of you and getting through all of this. I don't know if I could do it all. You actually made it look possible. Thanks for letting me be a part of your new daughter and getting to hold a newborn within 72 hours. Can't wait to see you soon, but I know you are busy with the family. Keep in touch.
Sooooo much fun!! We've talked about most of this stuff in person but to sit down & read it in your words is absolutely hilarious!! Great job! I've thought about doing something like this but never actually taken the time to sit down & do it. Good for you!! Can't wait for the next middle of the night musing.
This was funny...reminded me of that book, "Diary of a Mad Mom-To-Be," especially at the end, where she says it is all worth it- it really is.
I know I told you it was all worth it- but until you have your baby, people can tell you it's worth it till they are blue in the face, but you don't really believe it. It is *so* different when it is your own baby.
If you ever have baby #2, and have a similar pregnancy, at least the next time around, you will know it will be worth it in the end. :-)
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