2012 Christmas Drive Thoughts

I'll be posting an update to the Christmas Drive soon (with pictures and videos) but before I do that, I wanted to give you a small glimpse into what it has been like here the last few weeks...

This year's drive has been unprecedented.  You all responded in force for my little school: that's right, I said not my class, but my school.  Your donations covered so many needs that for the first year (this is my 6th year), I was able to help not only my class, not only the entire 2nd grade, but 54 other families and kids.  I asked for help for my little kiddos and not only did you send that, you sent clothes for their families.  You brought their first Christmas stocking chock full of gifts.  You sent emails, you forwarded my posts, you sent texts, you filled your car trunks of supplies that only the truest hearts could know that my kiddos would need, you sent messages, made phone calls, stopped by with gifts, and most of all...you acted.  On behalf of me and a school full of kids you've never laid eyes on before.  On just faith and my word.  If there was ever a week that we have needed this amount of goodwill, I believe this is the week.

I received responses and donations from CO, IL, TX, VA, NC, NY, CA, MN, FL, WA, NE, OK, IA, NJ, DL, and as far away as Holland and Bali.  Donations poured in every single day from amounts small as a $5 gift from a little boy in CA, to hundreds worth of brand-new coats sent straight to the school.  Here is just the short list of items that you sent to my little community here in Commerce City:

54 brand new pairs of jeans
89 brand new long sleeved shirts, hoodies, and sweaters
125 hats
125 gloves
35 packs of socks
Shoes and boots
Brand new books for the kindergarten classes: over $300 worth
Toothbrushes, toothpaste, blankets, backpacks, and pillows for 12 families that desperately needed them
Legos, DVD's, toys, and books for the 2nd graders
29 brand-new pairs of pajamas: for some of the kiddos, this will be their only pair
Over 70 new chapter books for my class and the library for all the kids to use
Over 81...that's right, EIGHTY-ONE new/gently used coats in all shapes and sizes.  The stack of coats in my classroom literally reached the ceiling
The Air Force is coming on Thursday to deliver clothes, toys, food, and Officer's Smiles to the entire 2nd grade: all 85 kids
I sent 13 Christmas packages home with families that had stopped by to tell us that they didn't have anything extra this year for their kids and was there anything we could do to help?  Those kids have at least one present going home with them on Friday

Words can't express the joy and the overwhelming gratitude I feel for each and every one of you.  You proved at one of our country's darkest times that WE come together and WE all are in this together.  You took my kids and my school in your arms and responded as if we were yours.  Not only have you provided toys, clothes, coats, socks, blankets, and a smile to half of the entire student body here at Alsup, you reminded me of the reasons I have to smile and to heal and move on.  I hope beyond words that just a few of the pictures I post will do the same for you.

A heart-felt thank you and happy holidays.

--Mara

Not Sure What Title To Give This...

These kids are staying in for recess today as it is about 25 degrees out. They aren't in trouble: they just don't have coats....

 Please see this link to my previous request for help for my annual Christmas Drive for my classroom. There are still a few days to send a gift card, or a coat, or some books, or anything to make the holidays a little brighter for my class (and other kids in the building) who just need a little smile. Thank you to everyone who has already done and sent so much: believe me, your efforts will be well-reflected by the smiles on these kids' faces. --Mara

Mountain Girl

It was all we could do to keep her from scaling the entire rock wall that day...loving these pics. I can't get over how big she's getting and how she totally would have climbed all the way up if I hadn't stopped her. Despite the "NO CLIMBING due to hiker deaths" signs posted everywhere... My little daredevil....

Annual Christmas Drive Letter

Hello all my friends and family,

 It's that time of year again, Christmas time! Please take a moment to read the following letter and possibly even forward it along if you see fit:

 I work in a very impoverished school district. At last count, my school is over 95% free and reduced lunch, and our annual residential turnover (how quickly kids come and go) is 36%. (which means kids are constantly moving, staying with relatives, switching schools, etc…)

 To put it bluntly: I have 21 8-year-old kids. 3 of them are homeless: they either live in shelters or with other family members. Most of them don't have their own coats, boots or enough food to eat at night. They are constantly asking for “more breakfast please” and they tend to save some of the snacks we get to take home to their siblings. The school provides free breakfast and lunch that we serve every day and for some of my students this is the only time they even get to eat. One of my kids have family members (a mom or dad or brother) in jail, and the vast majority of my kids don't have enough books, pencils, paper or even crayons at home to do their homework. It's not that all of the parents are deadbeats or don't care: I've met all my parents and most of them are devoted to their kids and passionate that their kids MAKE IT: they want their kids to rise above their situation and become better than they themselves have it.

 I'm making a passionate plea to all of you: I know we are all tightening our belts this holiday season, just like the last few years, but if you could find it in your hearts to sponsor a child, so this Christmas every child in my class gets at least one present this holiday, I would be eternally grateful. There is nothing more heartwarming than the smile on a child's face when they are used to getting nothing (which reinforces to them that they don't matter and they don't deserve anything) and someone, somewhere, shows that they care about that child and that they MATTER to someone.

 I hope the pictures, cards, and notes that you’ve read over the last few years lets you know how much YOU and YOUR HELP has made a difference to these kids. I still have kiddos from the upper grades come back and tell me that “2nd grade was the best Christmas ever! Remember we got all the books and toys?” Comments like that show that we ARE making a difference to these kids...and I’m so excited to do it again.

 I've included some sayings from my kids' writings when I asked them to write about what they wanted/needed this holiday season: (I didn't edit their responses) 

 "I need a pare of boots because my pare of boot are to small for me and my tows are very cold.” 
“I need two more blankets because my two are not thik to ceep me warm.” 
“I would like some of the converse shoes because they look cool and neat and I would like them.” 
“Dear Santa, Please bring me the paint and paper because I never paint at home and I would like to be a artist who paints pretty pictures.”
 “Warm pj’s would keepe me warm at nite.”
 "Another thing I need is globes because it is freeze outside and my fingers freeze like the snow." 
"Dear Santa, please bring my mom a coat and some mittins because she does not have the money left to buy them for her just us." 
"I need a pencil to do my homework."
 "My house needs clen towels for the bath becasue they are ripped and yucky."

  I wanted to scan in all of the cute pictures but for time sake, I think you get the picture. Very few of them asked for things that most kids would ask for… 

Here's the deal: My principal and I thought if I sent this email to everyone on my address list and you forwarded it on to your friends, we just might be able to get every child one thing that they want. Gift cards to TARGET would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts. If you'd really like to donate books and be sure that's where your gift was going, you can make your check out to SCHOLASTIC BOOKS and I will be sure to use it for that. We'd also love any books, school supplies, etc. I will make sure every child in my class will get something new this Christmas and hopefully, fill up their little hearts with a small amount of joy in the process.

  Please send what you can to:
 Alsup Elementary School
 c/o Mara Kimling 
7101 Birch Street 
Commerce City, CO 80022 

 I'm here to tell you that all of us together can make a difference for these kids. They make me smile and laugh everyday with their unbreakable spirit, kind hearts and laughter. I assure you that even a pair of gloves and a book from a stranger matters to an 8 year old. They get a sparkle in their eyes. I need to get any donations by Friday December 14th to ensure I can go shopping and get things ready before the kids leave for break on the 20th!

 I thank you in advance for your action and your caring. I wish all of you an amazing holiday season with your families and friends. Warmest thanks for your time and thoughtfulness….

 Mara

 p.s. Some of you have been asking for class stats, so here they are: 14 boys, 7 girls. I have boot, coat, and clothes sizes so email/message me if you’d like that information. Thank you!!

p.p.s  Here's a link to the amazing gift drive from our friends at the Air Force last year.  This is just a sample of what your gift will do!  

A Fall Day at the Park

Just playing at the park with my little one. Thanks to Jon T Photography for catching it for us on the sly. We didn't even realize he was there. :-)

 

Ice Cream Party

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” –Dr. Seuss

Spilled ice cream. Giggles. Wrappers blowing away in the wind. Pride. These were all themes of the day today in a small 2nd grade classroom in Commerce City. Twenty-one little 7 year olds took a writing test last week and every single child scored 80% or higher on it. Take a moment and think about that. Every single child was able to write a paragraph with a coherent beginning, middle, and end. In my 9 years of teaching, that has never happened. There’s always one or two kiddos who forget a capital, misplace the period, or whose spelling is so atrocious, they have to read it to me for me to even begin to comprehend what they were trying to say. In my little classroom today: every single child felt the glow of pride that they had worked hard, learned, and tried their best. Without fear of failure or without fear of judgment.

So we had an ice cream party outside to celebrate. Of course I forgot to buy it over the weekend like I had promised and I had a split second thought this morning that consisted of, “I don’t need to keep my promise for ice cream: I’m a busy single mom and I don’t have the time or the money to run to the store for this. I’ll just give them some extra recess and it will be fine.”

But then I stopped and thought about fear and expectations and letting go. Some of my students have only been in the United States for a few months. For them to really apply themselves and write a grade-level paragraph in English and score 80% or above…means they let go of their fear of failure. They made a decision that they were going to add the hard words, even though they couldn’t spell them properly. They decided that they would rather go down in flames trying the best they could even though they have never scored above a 50% all year. They sat there and wrote their little hearts out hoping that this time, after the hundreds of hours of practice, that this time would be the time they nail it.

 I asked my little Isela today how she was able to finally (and when I say finally, I mean FINALLY) able to produce such good writing after we had been working to the point of tears for weeks. She gave me a little proud smile. I could tell she was searching for the words in English. I waited. Then she responded, “You tell me and of all the class all of the days to do the best of we can do. I was scared to be wrong and I know that it is best to be wrong but you tell me to try anyway. Being wrong you circle what I did wrong and then I don’t do that wrong again. So I get better. I can do the writing now.”

I sat there in silence. How is it that at 37 years old, a MA under my belt, working towards my doctorate literacy endorsement, time teaching abroad, 9 years of teaching and coaching completed...that a little 7 year old fresh from Mexico could be so astute about fear of success and remind me of something that I may have forgotten? How is it possible that she was able to teach me that not trying is the real failure? How scared and uncomfortable she must have been searching desperately for the words to come in English and the wacky way we spell things but she was able to push through that fear because she knew that she would learn from her perceived mistakes and failures. She knows somehow that this may be the most scary, uncomfortable, and frankly terrifying thing she is going to accomplish today, but what is scarier…is giving up. Surrendering to the fear of failure and not trying at all. There’s something in her that knows that you regret more the things you were too scared to try than the things you failed at and then had to admit you were wrong. With trying comes knowledge, power, and awareness. With fear comes...more fear. More of the same. She realized that wasn’t going to serve her. So she wrote a very clear introduction, she used the topic sentence appropriately, she used voice and clarity in her details, and she restated the topic in her conclusion. In English. She scored 100% for the first time in anything all year long.

I wonder about how she’s going to feel when she gets home tonight and shows Mama and Papa her paper. I wonder the discussion they will have about taking risks and jumping off the cliff before you’re certain you can fly. I wonder if this will help her when she’s faced with algebra equations, and Shakespeare, and college applications. Maybe this one small lesson in not being afraid of failure and taking hold of your fear will get her through all the hard things in her life that are sure to come and shake her up. I hope so.

 In the meantime…we had ice cream outside today. In the midst of the golden trees, the breeze carrying away our wrappers, while the kids all laughed and chased after them. As I helped them clean up and I listened to their chatter about how proud they were of themselves for scoring so high on their tests, I realized that this was a reminder and a lesson for me as well. This stuff called life and decisions and choices are scary as hell. I’m not certain I can fly as I jump off the cliff. I don’t have the faith that everything will be okay because there are so many times it hasn’t been. However…the fear of “what might happen” will never be as strong as the fear that “I was too afraid to even try.” That is a regret I will never, ever have to live with.

It was the best ice cream party ever.

Becoming My Mother

My mother, Linnie, Maelin, and myself. Maelin was 6 months old.


A few months after my mother died at the age of 60, two years ago, a strange thing happened. I was having a very hard time paying the bills that month and was trying to distract myself by cleaning out my closet. I came across the bag of "things" I had collected and saved from her funeral: cards, letters of sympathy from her friends, the guest book, pictures, and some odds and ends from her desk at work. I decided to take a few minutes and quickly sift through the items and as I did, over $500 in cash, checks, and gift cards fell out from the other teachers at my school. They had taken up a collection for me because they knew that because I was in MN at my mother's side for so long, I would use up all my sick leave and consequently be very short on cash. They had given it to me promptly when I returned, but in my grief at finding myself motherless at the age of 35, I had stuffed it away and forgotten about it.

I am NOT spiritual any longer and I have never really thought that Mom is "around" or trying to send me messages, but a chill went down my spine. It was clear to me that Linnie was trying to send me a message through that money: a message that she wasn't very far away and to know she was close by.

Just a few weeks ago, I was home alone and watching "The Black Stallion" which was always one of Linnie's favorite movies. She and I would stay up late throughout my entire childhood watching and rewatching that movie. We would cheer for the horse at the end and it never failed to produce a tear in my eye. When I was watching it alone for the first time in 20 years, I received that same chill. You can call me crazy, but I would SWEAR to you that I could look over at the empty chair in my living room and see my mom. She was there watching it with me. Not only that: she gave me a very clear message to pass along to my siblings. She told me to tell them that she was fine. She was happy and peaceful. She was proud of all of us. She loved us. Most of all...she was still here.

I called my siblings in tears that night and relayed her message. They quietly accepted this as truth as they've experienced their own "messages" from Linnie. From her preference to chili rellenos, to burnt popcorn, to extra bacon on a BLT, to the mini-series "Lonesome Dove" being the best series of all time: they've felt her as well. As for me...I know Linnie is near by; I hear her all the time. It isn’t her voice, though it’s mine. We just sound alike. As I talk to Maelin, especially, she suddenly pops up.

When my patience is really at its end, I borrow those words I always promised never to say; “Because I said so." When I tell Maelin to turn the tv off and go read, to stand up straight, to hold her drink with both hands so she doesn't spill, to drink milk with dinner and take your vitamins, to hurry up because we are going to be late, Linnie is right there smiling at me. Or maybe that’s just what we mom's say. I don’t know, but it sounds awfully familiar.

My mother was always the last to go to bed and the main breadwinner in our family. Busy, busy – always being the backbone and keeping us together. I remember incidents where she would pull heaven and earth to keep the electricity turned on and we would make frantic trips down to the office to beat the 6pm payment deadline. As I sometimes linger in the kitchen late at night, thinking about how proud I am of the fact that as a single mother, my child is safe, warm, fed, and snugly asleep upstairs in her bed, I wonder if my mother also stayed awake with the same thoughts.

I remember long, hot, boring days in the summer when we kids were melting in the heat and dying from boredom. She would patiently offer up one possible entertainment after another. From collecting frogs in the backyard, to building a clubhouse in the nearby field, her ideas were always riddled with creativity and the desire to keep us active. Turns out that’s a pretty useful technique. I find myself constantly shuttling Maelin around from the park to the zoo to the mud river we created in our backyard with the hose and a shovel. I see her smile as I scrub Maelin in the bath to get the dirt out of her ears.

With quiet determination, my mother would save and scrimp and work 16 hour days to save for the trips to Disneyland that she was so set on having be a part of our childhood. We would pile into our car with nothing but a bag of sandwiches and Kool-Aid for the car ride (we were not allowed soda, which is a rule in my house as well), and The Everley Brothers playing out on the stereo. We would sing along to the tape over and over again, practicing our harmony, while Colorado, then Utah, then Nevada landscape flew by. Eventually, we would pull into the Best Western next door to Disneyland in a heap of excitement where we would spend the next 7 straight days at the Happiest Place on Earth. We always had to ride the Peter Pan ride first. It was a Disneyland rule. Funnily enough...Maelin and I booked our 3rd trip to Disneyland this fall. She's only 5 and although has never driven the drive across Colorado, Utah, and Nevada to get there, this will be her third trip. We will march across the park to start our visit off at the only place that I could imagine: the Peter Pan ride.

Those trips must have been exhausting. Not only did my mom do all the packing, planning, saving, and make all the arrangements – she also of course did all the driving. I can only remember my dad coming along on one trip, and the rest of the time it was just how she liked it...just her and her kids.

It was, finally, dealing with the impossible amount of friends and life-time loves that she had that drives my mother out of my league. Upon her untimely death, people arose out of the woodwork that I had never heard of before. She had apparently made another family out of these people that cried with us, who brought us meals, who cared about us like we were their own children, who still send me letters and emails so that I know they are out there caring about us. Thinking about us. Linnie's spirit had touched them so much and they came in droves to show us. I was, and continually am, humbled by the amount of people whom she touched. Who remembered her smile and her ability to make you feel so special.

My mother was an impressive and accomplished businesswoman, made killer meatballs, knew Little House on the Prairie books by heart, collected all of the Classic Illustrated Junior Comic Books from the 50's, and could bathe 4 children, answer a business call, and stir her homemade spaghetti sauce at the same time without hesitation. I’m behind on most of those skills, and not even close on cooking meatballs. However, I think I’m keeping up on what was best about her. At all times, and in every way, no matter how small the hurt or how much I had disappointed her, she was there for us. As I today hug and love my little girl, I hope that she feels the same. I wonder if someday, Maelin too, will wonder if she has become me.

My Story

"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."Ralph Waldo Emerson

New Year's Eve, 2011. I found myself alone for a few hours. All the family who were in town for xmas had long gone. I had plans to meet some friends later that night, but for the moment, I was alone. That doesn't happen very often. I was wandering around my house, cleaning up that, putting this away...when I found myself sitting on my couch with my laptop. I was searching, looking, hunting, for something that would put 2011 into perspective. Anything, really. It was a year of extremes. Amazing times filled with family, friends, and life-long memories. But it was also filled with some of the darkest times I have ever known. I was feeling really glad to see it go, frankly. Turns out I couldn't find anything that was making me feel better about the last events that I will always associate 2011 with. In one day in December, I experienced the biggest amount of joy I had felt in a long time. I also experienced a sudden, unexplainable tragedy that changed the way I feel about the world and my school forever. My definition of "safety" changed forever that day.

But while I was sitting there waiting for my friend to come over to pick me up, I thought about all the wondrous events of 2011. My daughter turned 4. We buried my mom at Disneyland during an amazing family reunion where I got to watch Maelin shout with glee as she rode Space Mountain with her hands up in the air. I got to watch her meet her hero, Buzz Lightyear. I connected with some long-lost family that I am so grateful to have. I was there when Maelin learned how to jump in the deep end of the swimming pool without holding her nose. She went on her first hike in the mountains...totally smoking myself, her grandpa, and only had to be carried back down part of the way. I watched my baby cousin graduate from high school and helped send her off to college. Another cousin turned 16, and I got to take her downtown and make her feel like her "Sweet 16" was something special. I conducted the 1st and 2nd grade music programs and watched 6-8 year olds really sparkle and shine. I met some amazing new friends who I'm proud to call part of my family. I watched Maelin conduct a choir.

I spent time in Rome and the coastal region of Italy. I spoke Italian. I discovered an amazing new wine. My cousin married a fantastic girl in Milwaukee at one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. I fell in love with a new group of 2nd graders. They make me smile, and sometimes cry, every day. I celebrated with dear friends the adoption of their new little girl. Maelin discovered her love of the theater and will always be my buddy when it's time to see a play or a ballet. I registered to return to CU to get my 2nd Masters in Literacy. I reconnected with old friends who will always own part of my heart. I went 4-wheeling in the snow. I watched Maelin's first ballet recital with pride as she was the only child who didn't want to listen to her teacher: she just wanted to dance the way she wanted to dance. I helped get the first school play in our school's history off the ground and underway. I was able to spend the first Christmas ever with my entire family. I watched a world full of strangers provide gifts, clothes, books, food, treats, and hundreds of other things to over 100 of my 2nd graders. They still talk about those days as the "best days ever." I watched a little boy who doesn't have much time left experience real joy.

I was trying very hard to focus on all of this on New Year's Eve. My heart is still broken for the losses of 2011. And also for what I would love to see happen or achieve, but will probably never be. I'm not ready to write about those lost hopes and dreams, however. Because the beauty is: maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they aren't lost. Maybe they're still there...I just have to look harder. Maybe the love is in a different place now. Maybe the story I should be telling myself is not that things are wrong, out of place, or just not right...but are the way they need to be. So that Maelin and I can continue to challenge each other and our friends to live a life without fear. Without regard to what others think we should do.

So my challenge for 2012 is to be able to look back and be able to say Maelin and I lived authentically. We did what was right for us and we are living in accordance with who we want to be. We are going to try to overcome the fear and the tragedy and make ourselves proud. My story for 2012 is going to be filled with laughter and friends. Family and joy. Hard work and play.

And maybe...a trip to Disneyland along the way.

"Take calculated risks.
That is quite different from being rash."George S. Patton