Time to Study

I can play any instrument. I'm not saying that to brag or boast, it's just the way I've always been. I took about 2 years worth of official piano lessons when I was a kid and I was in orchestra, jazz, concert, and marching band, and played for years in the Boulder Youth Symphony as a teenager. I was a very informal piano teacher for about 4 years, and I can harmonize pretty well. My singing voice isn't fantastic (as my karaoke proves), but I can carry a tune. I've taught myself pretty much every instrument (including the snare drum!)...minus the guitar. I was able to teach Italian kiddos in Milan and Bologna, Italy how to sing in English, and how to perform and dance. I even have a music note tattoo on my ankle. It's always been my passion and my love and most people who know me, have seen an example of two of how music has affected my daily life.

There's a reason I've never mastered the guitar. My brain just does not understand chords, tonalities, and intervals. There's a reason I failed my college math class and had to change my major. I'm just not wired that way. But...I've got three weeks to prove myself wrong.

Our music teacher is very unofficially gone. I was able to conduct the elementary music program in May for our school and I got rave reviews, even though I only had 2 days to work with the kiddos. I was so frustrated at my lack of control: if it had been up to me, the kids would have done a musical study (Oklahoma!, My Fair Lady, The Music Man, Sound of Music, etc.), and done a collage of songs and dances from those. We just didn't have time. I would have taught a few of them to play simple piano selections. I would have composed recorder music for others. I would have thrown in some sign language. Can't do much of that in two days though...but those are my dreams. Especially for our population of kiddos: music and art and dance is so important for them and it's been breaking all of our hearts that the kindergarten kids cry before music class because they don't want to go. That's not the way it should be.

So I have been officially asked to apply for the music teacher position in our school. I'd be teaching 6 classes a day: one each for K-5th grades. I'd love it. I'd really miss my 2nd grade team, but imagine what I could do! We'd have talent shows. I'd teach everyone simple piano songs. We'd compose our own music on the xylophones. We'd learn square dances. We'd watch ballet and compose the music for them. We'd learn about instrument families, composers, dances, theater, and we'd have twice-yearly shows. I'd even try to teach strings/woodwinds after school for the 5th graders (brass instruments are not my speciality). Most of all: I'd make it fun. They'd learn so much and for some of them, it'd be the highlight of their day. Even special needs kids can learn rhythm or appreciation for classical/jazz/big band music.

There's just one problem: in order for me to accept the position which has been enthusiastically offered to me, I need to pass the Colorado State Place Music K-12 Licensure Test. Did you catch the problem with that? I'd be teaching K-5: this test covers everything through 12th grade. That's all music theory and history. That is such an incredible amount of information that, A) I either never learned or just absorbed through my own self, or B) I need to learn because I never heard of it in my life, or C) I never understood it to begin with.

To give you an idea of some of the stuff I need to know, click this link. It's incredibly overwhelming and is almost enough to make me even not want to try. Add to that: I only have one chance to take and pass this test before the beginning of the school year. June 25. I get back from Italy on June 24. Anyone else see the problem with that? I'm already starting to hyperventilate.

I've bought two music theory/history books and I've started plugging through them. I can honestly say that all of it sounds familiar, but I probably only really know about 30% of it. The rest I'm guessing at. And not even very well. I've been taking the practice tests and they are just serving to tell me everything that I don't know. If I were to take the test now, I think I'd get about a 40% on it. That is not passing.

But I'm going to try. My mom would want me to at least try for it. All my friends and co-workers especially think I'd be awesome at it and they really want me to at least try. So I'm taking my music theory (which is boring as hell, btw) books with me to Italy. I'll read them on the piazza's with a cappuccino. I'll read them in the evenings when Maelin is asleep. Before I start summer school, I'll spend the Tues/Thurs that she's in school at the library studying as hard as I can. Then I'll come home and take the insane test where they play me 20 seconds of a classical piece and I have to explain who the composer was, if it was pre or post baroque style, what key it's in and why, and many other things. I'll have to analyze different selections and explain them. I'll have to compose different pieces according to a prompt with proper key, functions, time signature, and placements. And I have 3 weeks to learn all this.

I'll keep you posted. I'm not super hopeful, but everyone around me says I'd be awesome at it and try my best. That's all I can do.

EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Music Program...On Video!

Click here for a link to the video for the 1st part of the music program, and here for the link to the 2nd part. I think in total, they're about 16 minutes. :-) The only song that I was able to teach the kids from scratch is the last one on video 2. We also added a lot of dancing and stuff to the rest of the songs that they knew already.

Thanks for watching!!

I am now a music teacher!

The two grade levels getting ready for tonight's show...there's sure a lot of them...

Whoa. Crazy, crazy week. I got a phone call at 6:30pm on Monday night from my principal. She basically said the music teacher is gone for now and the less I know about why, the better. The music program for the 1st and 2nd graders is still scheduled for Wednesday night. Could I please take over?

Um. Sure. I guess. Holy crap.

So I get into work on Tuesday to assess the situation. My God. We couldn't find any music, the kids said they knew some songs, but not enough and they're really lame songs, and there's no scenery, programs, order, or anything. The kids didn't even know where to stand.

I've spent every waking minute for the last two days downloading music, printing/creating programs, organizing over 250 6-8 year olds, coordinating with parents, the principal, the other teachers, the custodians, and oh yeah: teaching them one new song and dance for the performance. I would have LOVED to recreate the whole bloody thing from scratch, but there was just not enough time. So I added some dance, some props, some movement, and some more music.

Tonight will be my first time directing any sort of musical program since I was in Milan, Italy in 2002. That was easy because the kiddos were singing English and no one understood them anyway. :-) And we had 2 weeks to work on it. And it was all mine: created from scratch.

That's the hardest part: to stand up in front of all these kids, parents, and my fellow teachers to perform this when I KNOW the kids could have done better. We could have nailed a super amazing program if I had just had more time. But...something is better than nothing.

And it's been super fun. I'm incredibly worn-out and exhausted, but it's been a hoot. We'll see how it goes...

I kinda like being a music teacher.

A Different Meaning to Mother's Day

"Linnie" with Maelin in October, 2007. Maelin is 6 months old here and my mom is thrilled to be spending some time with us.

Mother's Day is quickly approaching and this year it's hitting me that it's going to be about ME. Maelin and I. Not my mom. In the past, I've always, always, made sure I had gotten my siblings together to order her flowers, take her to dinner, buy a gift, and make sure we did something special for her. I happened to stumble upon a gift we had given her about 10 years ago in her desk: a "Mother's Ring"; it has all four of our birthstones in it. I remember how excited I was to give it to her for Mother's Day as this was one of the holidays we didn't celebrate growing up. It felt so nice to be able to take a day and really make sure she knew how much we loved her, we were proud of her, and we were so grateful to have her in our lives.

Mother's Day doesn't mean that to me anymore now that she's gone. I've been spending the last few days trying to decide what kind of traditions I want to create for Maelin and myself now that it's just us. Some friends have given me great suggestions: from taking her to paint pottery, to planting flowers, to dinner with my sister, to a drive up to the mountains, to visiting my mom at the cemetery. I even tossed around the idea of spending Mother's Day with my Aunt Laura and her girls like we did for Easter. It'd be kind-of like creating my own substitute for a Mom.

But I don't need a Mom-Sub. I have a mom. She's gone now, but I see her in Maelin's smile. I hear her when Maelin asks me for the thousandth time when are we going to Disneyland again? I hear her voice at the store telling me how to pick the perfect watermelon. I feel her when I see pictures or stories of her two cats who are being lovingly looked after in different homes.

I knew she was watching, smiling, and super proud of me when I booked my trip to Rome this summer. I felt her strength when I made the decision that the trip was going to make me a happier, calmer, and less grief-stricken person, therefore making me a better mom for Maelin. I felt her pride last weekend when I was playing the piano for a group of over 100 people: a piece I had only 45 minutes to learn. When I stood up at the end to the applause, I could hear her whispering to me how proud she was of my musical abilities and how glad it made her that she scrimped and saved in order to get me to piano lessons. She drove me to every one. Paid for every one by herself. Called her friends on the phone so I could play for them. Came to every concert. Bought flowers on those nights with little notes telling me how magical my music was and how happy it made her.

I feel her watching us every night when I read to Maelin. Maelin has inherited her love of books and is constantly asking me to "Read just one more, Mommy!" I hear her laughing at me when it's 10:30pm at night and Maelin is still up and awake: a happy little night-owl just like she was. I feel her pride when Maelin turns down an ice-cream in favor for something salty: the child has been known to lick salt right off of her hands. My mom always had salt packets in her purse for a "salt-emergency"...you never knew when you'd be stuck with a popcorn that needed it and you didn't have any.

Most of all: I feel her love for my brother, sisters, and I. Now that I'm a mom, it's so overwhelming to have this little person in my world and I can finally appreciate how my mom must have felt about us. How happy she was at our conferences when we got good grades (which we all did...at least, most of the time.) How worried she must have been when we were late. How she probably stayed up late crying when I slammed the door during an argument. How she wondered and agonized over how she was going to get food on the table for four kids. How fulfilled she must have been to be able to take us all to Disneyland as many times as she did. Her joy at our weddings, and her sorrow when we called her crying when we thought those marriages weren't going to make it after all. Her love for our friends and how she became their "Linnie" as well.

I feel all of that now. That's why Mother's Day has such a different meaning to me now. I'm trying to find a way to honor all of this for my mom while creating new memories and traditions for Maelin. I don't think we'll go to the cemetery this year. That's not what my mom would want. Maelin knows her Nana is "in the ground" and I don't think that's what my new Mother's Day should be about. I think we'll sleep in late. We'll have a fun breakfast. I'll let Maelin pour the pancakes or heat the waffles. We'll go to the flower shop and I'll let Maelin pick some flowers for me and her Nana. We'll take them home and I'll let her get as messy as she wants planting them for us. I'll tell her stories. Maybe we'll take a nap. I'll be sure she knows how much I love her. We'll meet my sister and her kiddos for dinner and Maelin will go to bed as secure in my love for her as I did every single night of my life.

Because that's my new meaning to Mother's Day. Not to be sad or grief-stricken. But to be grateful and happy for everything I had. And still have.

Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.