Where the heck are the cats when you need them?

It’s 3:15am. I’m not awake because of the baby. Oh, I had to wake up at 2am to feed her and put her back to sleep, but she’s been sleeping for about 30 minutes and I’m wide awake. It’s not because I’m listening for her to wake up. It’s not because I have to go to the bathroom, or I had a hard day or I have insomnia.

It’s because of the damn bugs.

Oh yes. It’s moth season in Colorado. The damn things are everywhere. There are two flying around my house right now and every time I get close enough to kill them, they fly away. I have big moths and little moths and obnoxious moths and quiet moths.

How do they get in? Oh, let me tell you. We have a window fan in Maelin’s room and there’s a gap. A miniscule gap, but a gap just the same. A tiny, cute spider set up a web right next to the gap and I left it alone so the spider would catch the moths and the beetles and the gnats and the other big spiders that were coming in. It worked too, but today the cleaning lady came and now the spider web is gone. (darn cleanliness…)

So the reason I’m awake is because I was standing next to my sweet baby’s crib rubbing her back as she fell back asleep and I looked up and not 2 feet away from her head was a huge spider crawling along the wall. Not being one to overreact, I grabbed the first thing I saw that wouldn’t make a ton of noise to kill it which happened to be a diaper (I know, not the best killing weapon). I think I killed it, but since it’s dark in Maelin’s room and I didn’t want to wake her up, I’m not sure I killed it because I couldn’t see very well.

So now I’m standing sentry, guard, protector of my sweet baby. Every time I try to close my eyes, I picture this huge spider crawling down from the wall, into her crib, onto her face and biting away while she sleeps. I even woke Kevin up to tell him that there may be a spider on the loose in his daughter’s room. He didn’t seem too concerned: he said spiders want insects, not baby flesh. He said if I didn’t kill it, it might get some of the moths that are driving me crazy. Then he went right back to sleep, with no worries at all. (HOW does the man do that???)

I’m awake now…no sleep for me. I’m going crazy. There has been a bump on her cheek for about 3 days now: originally I thought it was a baby zit but could it be a spider bite? Now I’ll be up all night. I wonder what’s on TV????

By the way, isn’t this why we have the cats? Why aren’t they taking care of all the bugs??? Where are they??? Oh yeah…they’re sleeping. Good for them. Way to step up, Kitties.

Uncle Jeff

Baby Maelin has a pretty big fan club. My dad (Papa Dan) thinks all his grandkids walk on water, so he’s pretty excited that we only live about 5 minutes away. He stops by about 2-3 times per week just to hold her and say hello. Last week he brought a few dinners over while Kevin was out of town and he was able to go on baby-holding-duty which really helps me out. My step-mom Jean comes over every other Thursday just to spend time with Maelin while I go work out, or to the doctor, or just get stuff done around the house. I came home the other day and the two of them were sitting in the rocking chair and Jean was reading a book to Maelin. It was adorable.

Uncle Jeff and (soon-to-be!) Aunt Kat live about 5 minutes away from us as well and that’s been a life-saver. Ever since Maelin came home from the hospital (and even while we were in there, come to think of it) they’ve been just a phone call away for ANYTHING that we’ve needed. They’ve brought countless dinners over for us, they’ve come to help give baths, take baby on walks, hold her while I take a shower, and just about anything they can do to help, they’ve done. We really couldn’t have gotten this far with so much of our sanity intact without them.

It’s really cute to watch my brother be an uncle to baby Maelin. Our nephews live about 45 minutes away so we don’t get to see them as often as we'd like. So Uncle Jeff has really stepped into his role and it’s adorable. He’s going to kill me for writing this, but I caught him singing a Doris Day song to baby Maelin tonight…I think it was one from “Pillow Talk.” Then I heard him sing a Hayley Mills song to her…oh poor boy growing up with 3 sisters!

Uncle Jeff just adores Maelin. He’s gotten to spend a lot of time with her, so they’ve really bonded. Before Maelin came, he would grumble and groan about how we weren’t going out anymore and how the baby was changing everything and how he never wants kids. Oh how things change! Kat told me the other night she wanted to go out and Jeff said he didn’t want to: he wanted to come see the baby. He was over for a few minutes on Monday night and then Tuesday night, he told Kat he missed the baby. So they were back over tonight. Uncle Jeff tickles her and sings to her and pretty much monopolizes her time whenever he’s here. It’s so cute. I hope Maelin will always be so lucky to have so many people close by who love her so much. She's a lucky little girl.

Summertime Ends Eventually

It’s 3am. I’m up next to Maelin’s room listening to her put herself back to sleep. My sweet baby is such a good sleeper: she goes to bed around 10pm, and usually gets up to eat around 3am, again at 7am and then wakes up for the day at about 10am. I love the fact that she sleeps in: she takes after her daddy.

During her 7am feeding yesterday, I was thinking about how much our lives are going to change once I have to go back to work. I’ll have to get up before she does to take a shower and get everything ready and then her 7am feeding will be the last one before I cart her off to daycare. She’ll spend her days without me while I teach the kids and then I’ll pick her up around 4:30pm and we’ll go home and try to bond while I get something for dinner, rinse out the pumping materials, get things ready for the next day, and get Maelin back to sleep by 9 or 10. Weekends will be spent catching up on housework and errands and seeing family and friends until it starts all over again on Monday morning.

Seems impossible. I love spending all day with her. We usually hang out at the house until I’ve squeezed in a shower and then we go shopping, or to the park, or we meet friends for lunch, or just hang out. In the afternoon, we usually lie down for a nap together. Yesterday I couldn’t sleep, so I just held and enjoyed my sleeping baby as she took her nap on me. There was no place I’d rather be at that moment.

I really enjoy my job and I never thought I’d be the type of person who’d be happy being a stay-at-home-mom. I need to have things to do: I need to be on the go and have a lot of people to do it with. Being a teacher is part of who I am. We’re also lucky that I get so much time off. I’ll be able to spend months off with Maelin every year, while other professions only get the customary 2 weeks off. There are many benefits to daycare as well. Some studies show that children in daycare have greater vocabularies, have fewer behavior problems, have greater social skills, and have higher academic achievements than kids who stay at home. This is assuming of course, that the daycare is high-quality and the parents are actively involved with their child. We have a fantastic lady lined up to watch her. She speaks Spanish: Maelin will become bi-lingual which will be very beneficial for her as she grows up. This lady (Sondra is her name) has come highly recommended: my girlfriend has taken her two kids to her for over 5 years and she and her kids adore Sondra. The kids love her, which is a great sign of high-quality care.

That being said, I wish I could stay home with Maelin for her first year. I absolutely dread the day that I have to leave her with someone else. It’s going to be the hardest thing I ever have to do and the thought of it is always in the back of my head as we are napping together or she’s giving me a smile. Financially, I have to work and I’m sure we’ll both adjust as time goes by. However, as I look at my sweet baby as she sleeps, I think about how someone else will be looking at her as she sleeps. Someone else will be the one who gets to comfort her as she cries, applaud her as she tries to walk, and laugh with her as she discovers her world.

It breaks my heart to think about it so I try not to. I try to live in the moments that we have and enjoy the fact that I got to spend over 4 months with my sweet baby. Not a lot of people can do that so I know we’re really lucky. I also know that this is the best choice for our family for the long run. Not only do we need my salary, we need my health insurance, my retirement benefits and I need the stimulation of my career. It will also be good for Maelin to discover other cultures, other people and other children. She’ll be just fine: I’ll be a wreck.

So we’ll continue to take each day as it comes for now. We’ll nap together, we’ll meet friends for lunch and I’ll savor each moment as a stay-at-home-mom and wish that I didn’t have my hefty student loan to repay or the credit card debt we’ve accumulated. We’ll go to Michigan in July and play at the beach. We’ll visit with grandparents and go to bbq’s and go to the zoo. I’ll savor being home with my daughter and try to enjoy each moment because it’s in the back of my head how quickly this time is coming to an end.

Even the best thought-out plans...

We’re starting to have a busy couple of weeks. My brother is getting married in 10 days (wow!) to our really good friend Kat and we have a lot of wedding things coming up. The first was Kat’s bridal shower yesterday. It was Maelin’s first tea party. She was so cute in her dress (that I bought for her back in February: oh yes, I plan ahead…) and I had visions of her in it and being so adorable and being the hit of the shower. Here’s what really happened:

Even though the tea place had A/C, it was still pretty warm. It was close to 100 degrees outside, so I guess there isn’t much the A/C can do against that. Baby is a bit cranky at being in her cute dress (I even forgo the shoes I had bought for the occasion!), so I had to hold her while she took a nap.

We both got warmer and warmer. Baby started sweating through her cute dress (did I mention it had matching bloomers and a matching hat???) and looked really uncomfortable.

Decided to take baby out of cute dress and put her in something that made more sense: a cotton onesie. Baby is immediately happier and starts laughing and kicking.

Wonder why I even bought cute dress to begin with. Hmmmm…we have another party to go to tonight. Kevin’s aunt and uncle have been married 40 years so Maelin can wear cute dress (and shoes and hat) to that party and everyone will think she’s so cute and she’ll be the hit of the anniversary party. Here’s what really happened:

Baby is really sleepy from the tea party so we pull up to the anniversary party and she’s whisked away from me by all her cousins who are dying to see her. They oooooooh and aaaaaaaah over her cute dress for about 2 minutes while she checks them out. Then she proceeds to cry. Grandma Lea comes and takes her and she falls asleep on Grandma. Cute dress is all bunched up: you can’t even see it. She may as well have worn the onesie.

Baby wakes up and immediately starts screaming for food. I take her to the bathroom (where there is a cushioned bench!!!!) to feed her. Baby is antsy because of all the excitement and gets milk all over her cute dress. Now dress is crusty from sweating in it earlier and smelly from milk. I take the shoes and hat and bloomers off at this point.

We go back to the party and baby gets fussy again. Grandpa Larry takes her and she chills out. Again, dress is all bunched up and you can’t even see it. We go to Kevin’s cousin’s house to have some pizza and the minute we get there, baby poos and some gets on cute dress. Grrrrrrrrrrrr…..

Take baby out of cute dress again and put her back in her cotton onesie. Baby is immediately happier and starts laughing and kicking her feet.

Decide cute dress was the biggest waste of money ever and I’ll just dress baby up at home from now on and enjoy her myself. (right….) I’m excited that at least we got some pictures of her in the cute dress.

Get home after putting an extremely tired baby to bed (stayed out waaaaaay too late…let that be a lesson to us!) and checked my camera for picture of baby in cute dress. Realize there isn’t a good one. Not a single pic of Maelin in cute dress where you can actually see it.

Dig dress out of laundry pile at 3am and plan to put it back on her for 2 minutes just to take a picture of her in it, for god’s sake! Check stash of onesies as we’re going to a bbq today and I’m sure we’ll need them!

Hmmmm…I wonder what I’ll have her wear…

Top Things No One Tells You About Birth and Recovery

So we’ve talked about what no one tells you about pregnancy and the list was extensive. Now, let’s dive into the forbidden area of birth and recovery: where no one wants to go.

I didn’t know very much about birth and recovery. Oh, I read the books, heard different people’s stories and had my own idea about what it would be like. I figured I’d breeze through until I got my epidural, spend a few nights enjoying the room service of the hospital, go home and be the perfect hostess to the folks who drop by to see the baby, and fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes within a month or so. Are you laughing yet?

*Top Things You Don’t Know About Birth and Recovery*

1. Labor hurts. A LOT. You have no idea until you go through it. Just be prepared for the most intense, physical and mental pain you’ll ever go through and be alive to tell about it. At one point, I wished I would just die.

2. Labor pains (or contractions...although there’s nothing “contracting” about it. They should call it “crushing of all your internal organs” or “having a truck drive over you” or “twisting and destroying of every nerve cell in your body”) can last a really, really long time. Really. Mine started on Tuesday night and I didn’t deliver Maelin until Friday morning.

3. It can take a long, long, long, long time for the epidural man to come in. In that time, you will do all sorts of degrading, humiliating things as you wait for him.

4. The doctors will expect you to lie down and hold still while they are examining you. They will expect this even before the epidural man comes. Be prepared to try to hold still while they are doing whatever it is they do down there whilst in the middle of the being crushed by a truck. See how still you can be…

5. The epidurals are worth every single cent. My advice is to get one as soon as possible. Have the epidural man on your cell phone if you can and call him on your way to the hospital. Better yet, contact him before you deliver and promise him a nice fat bonus if he meets you at your car!

6. You will lose every last bit of your personal dignity. At one point during the pushing stage, I looked up and there were about 15 people in the room watching me with my legs up. None of these people I knew: it was like a football game. They were all cheering and yelling and very excited. Did I care? Nope…

7. The epidural wears off. Then it hurts. It really hurts. It really, really hurts for about a week.

8. You will bleed for weeks. Yes, I said weeks.

9. Bathroom business is not fun for said weeks. Just realize it’s not going to be fun and do your best.

10. Your old clothes will NOT fit you right away. I’m at almost 3 months and most of them still don’t fit. Unless you’re one of those mutant size zero people who lose weight just by thinking about it, expect to have to buy another wardrobe for after you give birth. This is in addition to the maternity wardrobe that you already bought. You will need nursing bras, new underwear (that you don’t mind ruining…see number 8 above), new jeans, shorts, shirts that you can use for nursing that are somewhat private, and a few nice outfits.

11. Breast milk stains clothes. Didn’t know this until I realized 4 of my favorite t-shirts have permanent dots the size of quarters in very specific places. Hmmmm…I wonder if I can still wear them?

12. You can function on amazingly little sleep. I realized the other day that it had been over 80 days of not sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. Wow…if you had told me that before I got pregnant…

13. Showers are sacred. You will kill for an uninterrupted one. You will act as if you can’t live without them because they are so hard to get. You will write them into your day planner…

14. You will become increasingly resentful of other people’s freedom. You might count the days since you were last able to go linger at the store or out to dinner or for a walk. Be prepared to race through Target grabbing things off the shelves like that “Supermarket Race Game” so you can finish before baby wakes up.

15. You and your husband will play the “Who Has It Worse” game. This is a fun game. The rules are: *Keep track of the amount of sleep you get so you can compare, *Keep track of the amount of soothing baby while crying time you each put in, *Yell and scream at each other about the amount of helping the other person does, *Play the biggest martyr you can when he gets up and goes right into the shower and you have breast milk dripping from you and you haven’t showered in 3 days. He’ll feel guilty and offer to bring you a pastry from Starbucks, *Listen to each other’s feelings about adjusting and try to one-up each other, *Do a little extra housework so you can yell about how he doesn’t ever help you around the house…it’s great fun! There is never a winner to this game, however so there are no prizes.

16. You will love that baby more than you ever imagined. People will try to tell you that and you believe them, but when you actually bond with the baby, you turn ferocious. You watch the way other people hold the baby; you are on the lookout for mosquitoes, spiders, dogs, cars, flowers, and cat fur: anything that could possibly harm your little one.

17. You will wake from a sound 21/2 hour sleep (darn it….) and race to the crib to make sure the baby is still breathing. You will do this every night…sometimes, multiple times during the night. You become an expert at dodging obstacles in your house on the way to the baby’s room. I can jump about 3 feet now…Gizmo is the only thing in the house that still trips me up every time.

18. You will be more exhausted and cranky and resentful of your life changes than you ever thought possible and then the baby will smile at you and you realize that it’s all worth it.

Maelin Tries Out Her Sea Legs!!!

We’ve had a busy few days. Last Saturday, we went to Hannah and Jake’s 4th birthday party…Happy Birthday Hannah and Jake! Maelin got her first experience with a swimming pool and the trampoline. She didn’t like it very much…she was fine until her toe barely skimmed the water and then POW…..total body screaming and arching. I guess she’s not a swimmer quite yet…but she sure was cute in her swimming suit and robe!

We celebrated Kevin’s first Father’s Day by going to his parent’s house and just hanging out. It’s always nice for Maelin to see the grandparents and they just adore her. Now, Kevin is out of town for a few nights so Maelin and I are slumming it on our own. It’s amazing how much Kevin does…it’s really hard when he’s not here: remind me to tell him that…

We are busy getting things ready for Jeff and Kat’s wedding: I’m sure I’ll either be posting a lot about those activities or I won’t be on at all, so keep checking back!

Breastfeeding in Public

Now I wasn't going to use this blog for a forum on breastfeeding, but as a new mom who's trying to give my daughter the best possible start in life, I'm sensitive to BF in public. I was out just last night with her and someone made a comment about it before I even started. Here is a link to my sister's blog talking about an incident here in Denver with a mom who was just trying to feed her baby and the police got invloved. Please, please, everyone: I would rather not show my chest to you all but I need to feed my baby. My options are:

Not to ever go outside my house so you won't feel uncomfortable,
or
When I'm feeding Maelin (especially when it's 90 degrees outside and I might not want to cover her up with a hot blanket), don't look at me if it makes you uncomfortable.

http://amamasblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/15/oh-the-irony-breastfeeding-in-public/#comments

Couldn't Resist

I couldn't resist making this picture it's own post...she looks so imp-ish. She has her ducky that Auntie Vanessa bought her and just on the verge of a smile. Little cutie...

"These Kids..."

Recently I had a conversation with a friend whose kids will be ready for school soon. She was talking about which school district to put them in. The school district where she lives is unacceptable so they are going to drive them about 15 miles every day to a different one. This got me thinking…as a teacher in an under-privileged school district, what would I look for when Maelin is ready for school?

I’ve been at my school in one form or another (I did my student teaching there) for about 5 years. Without getting political (which would be SOOOOOO easy to do), I’ll tell you what I’ve seen over the last 5 years and see if you can pick out one of the problems with our educational system:

*When I started teaching, each teacher had a classroom budget of $500. This was for incentives, supplies, books, technology, etc. We ALWAYS spent all of this money and even some of our own (it cost me $1,245 just to buy everything I would need as a new teacher to set up my classroom), but the $500 went a long way in helping. However, due to budget cuts, we now have a classroom budget of $350 and one of the reasons it’s not even lower is because our principal fights and schemes to get us every penny. This doesn’t stop us buying things for our kids: we just have to pay for our supplies out of our own pockets.

*Every teacher has 4-5 computers in their classroom and one was brand new. The rest were horrible (think of the old computers that sit on their hard drive) and the kids could barely use them, but at least one would work. However, we do have high-speed internet so kids could get on the one computer: try making 23 8-year-olds take turns…

*No air-conditioning. We still don’t have it. See how effective your math lesson is when your room is over 90 degrees and there’s bees flying around because you have the doors and windows open.

*Our district just had to cut over 1 million from the budget due to lack of money. So they cut technology services in every school, gifted and talented services, summer school, and they closed our media lab where we got certain supplies from. No technology. Classroom teachers are going to have to teach computer lessons on our classroom computers. See a problem with this? This wouldn’t be so hard if every teacher had effective computers…

I could go on and on, but really, I’m one of the lucky ones. My school is fantastic: in spite of all of this, our 3rd graders are over 90% proficient on the reading CSAP (the incredible, accurate test that DOES test what they know and how effective our teaching is and which all funding and accolades are based), we won the Blue Ribbon Award from the feds and our principal just was awarded Principal of the Year. I wonder how that happened…

So were you able to pick out one of the problems with our educational system? Of course, you say. Money is always the problem, but aren’t you going to tell me next that I work in a poor district and I should expect these issues? That’s where I get my hackles up. EVERY child in this country deserves computer classes. Every child in this country deserves to sit in a comfortable room with no bees flying around where they can concentrate. Every child deserves effective teachers and a fair and equal education no matter where they live, what language they speak at home and how much money their parents make. I know I sound like I’m preaching, but really, isn’t that a basic right of all children in America?

There are so many problems and proposed solutions to education in America…it’s going to take a lot longer to discuss them than Maelin is going to sleep. However, to pick just one:

I have over $70,000 in student loans. I did that knowing I’ll pay them back and I did it so I could have a profession that I truly believe in and that I think I’m relatively good at. However, it is very tempting to take my degrees and split for a job that actually pays me what I’m worth. Waiters make more money than I do. Recent studies show that the single most important factor in determining a student’s achievement isn’t the color of his skin or where he comes from, but who the child’s teacher is. How do you attract talented, qualified people to the profession when you can make more money waiting tables? EVERY teacher I have ever known has had to work another job at some point during their careers. It’s not so they can have fancy cars or lavish vacations: it’s so they can pay down their student loans, or get some extra cash for the mortgage.

It’s a fact that over 1/3 of new teachers will quit after 3 years and never come back. It’s a consequence of low pay, a lack of support from our No Child Left A Dime government and feeling attacked by people who have never even set foot in a classroom but feel they have the right to criticize teachers and public education. How many of those teachers that leave the profession every year would have been the one that would reach your child?

Barack Obama said it best when he said, “…while I was talking to some of the teachers in Chicago about the challenges they faced, one young teacher mentioned what she called the “These Kids Syndrome”—the willingness of society to find a million excuse for why “these kids” can’t learn; how “these kids come from tough backgrounds” or “these kids speak Spanish at home” or “these kids are too far behind,” “When I hear that term, it drives me nuts,” one young teacher told me. “They’re not ‘these kids.’ They’re our kids.”

How well America does in the future with technology and language compared to all the other nations depends largely on that wisdom. They are our kids. All of them.

So to answer my friends’ question about how to find a good school: it’s not the amount of bees flying around or the amount of computers in the classroom because even with those challenges, our kids are learning and they’re learning well. She (and every parent) needs to scope out the schools: talk to the teachers, interview the principal and get a feel for the climate in the building. Our school turns out educated students because we believe every single one of them can learn and they’re our kids. That’s the type of school I will send Maelin to.

We've Discovered Our Fists!

Miss Maelin has discovered the joy of her fists...it's pretty cute to watch her "put up her dukes"... Her favorite game is to lay on her changing table and watch the "other" baby in her mirror with her fists up. Kevin says she's looking at the rival gang baby...

Emily and I saw a baby today at breakfast that was 3 weeks old and about 7 pounds. I had to ask Emily if Maelin was ever that small....it's amazing how fast they grow and how quickly you forget what they were like. Wait....it's 3:30am and I'm up. I wonder if that has anything to do with my memory....

Sophie & Gizmo Have Been Replaced

We have two cats: Gizmo and Sophie. We rescued Sophie from the shelter in 2003 and Kevin has had Gizmo since 2001: right when we started dating. They have been our babies ever since. Anyone who is an animal lover knows how much energy you put into your pets. You worry about them, you spend hundreds of dollars at the vet, you can’t wait to get home from work to see them, you post pictures of them, you have their pictures up at work, people ask you about them and you actually think you don’t want to go on vacations because you don’t want to leave them alone. You feel like there’s nothing on earth you love more than these little creatures. I remember once telling my friend Sherry that the kitties were my babies and I loved them as much as I would love a child. Now I know why she snickered at that.

Before I was pregnant, the cats were the rulers of our roost. Both of them would sleep with me: Gizmo at the foot of the bed and Sophie right by my head. Sophie would actually “tuck me in” at night: she would do her paw thing on my chest until I’d let her go under the covers and lay on me. She’d sleep for about 10 minutes then jump off. At that point, I was warm and cozy and ready for sleep: Sophie had done her job well. She’s our active kitty: she loves to play and pounce and likes to follow Kevin into the kitchen and rub on his legs. He’s the only one she does that with…it’s pretty darn cute.

Gizmo is a whole other story. Anyone who’s seen that cat lately is shocked: the animal certainly doesn’t miss a meal. I think he’s about 18 pounds now: he looks like a manatee. He is our surrogate dog: he follows us around, he plays fetch, he sits at our feet, he watches over the house and he knows how to beg. He’s also an attention-whore because he looooooooves being petted and he will not discriminate anyone. He is a lover cat and can’t stand being left out of things. When a door was shut and he was on the outside, he would meow over and over again to be let in and if that didn’t work, he’d put his paw under the door and move it back and forth until we’d get frustrated enough with the banging and let him in.

Then I got pregnant. Life as they knew it was about to change. It started when I couldn’t let Sophie do her paw thing on my tummy anymore. I remember her little face the first time I had to push her off of me. She looked at me like I was a traitor and she didn’t understand: she kept coming back. I had to keep pushing her off until she finally just jumped down and left. She didn’t try to tuck me in anymore after that. Then I had to start kicking them both off of the bed entirely because I was so uncomfortable. If you’ve seen Gizmo, then you know that moving him is no small feat: especially when he doesn’t want to be moved. It’s like shoving a small hippo off your bed. Then he jumps right back up and you have to repeat it about 10 times before he finally goes away.

Sophie tried to adapt, however. When I was lying on the couch, she would come up and try to lie with me. After some experimenting, we figured out that if I lay on my side, she could lie on the baby belly and she wouldn’t hurt the baby. We spent many happy hours like that…Sophie keeping me and the baby company while I chilled out on the couch.

Then the baby was born. One of the first things I remember from the haze of the delivery room was when they were cleaning Maelin up and Kevin said, “There’s Sophie’s replacement.” It was funny at the time and I was so drugged and exhausted and overwhelmed I didn’t think much of it until we brought Maelin home. I looked at my beautiful new daughter and thought to myself that I would do anything for her. Then we went into her room and Sophie was sleeping on her changing table and Gizmo was sleeping on the rocking chair. I didn’t even hesitate: I took the spray bottle and slammed them both and yelled at them and when they both ran out, I didn’t feel bad at all. Later, it hit me: they had been replaced and in a big way. The funny thing was I didn’t really care. They were just cats. I’d never thought of them like that before: just cats, but that’s what they are. I was shocked that I felt this way about them because I had always thought of them as our babies and little people. As much as we love them and are happy they are part of our family, they don’t come first anymore.

Sophie doesn’t sleep with me anymore because I have to get up too often to suit her. She still tries to tuck me in: she comes to bed with me but she goes directly to the foot of the bed and stays there. Having her down there makes me sad for a brief moment, but then I’m so exhausted, I feel like I don’t even have the energy to care. Then I look at her sweet face and I’m happy she’s trying. It makes things feel a bit more like the way they used to be.

Gizmo has had a hard time adjusting to this new arrangement. When I’m feeding Maelin, he’s been known to come and try to lay on me at the same time. Or he will plop himself right down in the middle of Maelin’s room so you have to acknowledge that he’s there or you trip over him. We try to give them both some extra attention, but we just don’t have the time. They are, after all, just cats. Their pictures will be replaced, the stories will be changed. We still love them, but our daughter has shown us a love we didn’t know existed. No pet can ever come close to that.

Our Third Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary…we had a terrific day. Maelin was in a great mood, our friend Keith brought us a “traditional” third anniversary present of crystal (gorgeous old-fashioned crystal glasses), and Jeff and Kat babysat for us. We went to dinner then had drinks and it was amazing to be out: just the two of us. We remembered that we liked each other after all! Anyway, here is some musings about our wedding three years ago:

*We had our wedding in a little B & B right underneath St. Mary’s Glacier in Idaho Springs. It was at about 12,000 feet. We had no idea how much the altitude would make everyone feel. Some people were bothered by it (my grandma had to be rushed back down the mountain) and others didn’t notice at all.

*There was room for everyone to spend the night up there if they wished. Breakfast was served in the morning…if you could find the innkeeper. She was MIA, so we all made the breakfast ourselves.

*The weather was gorgeous: during the ceremony, a hummingbird hovered over us for a few seconds. Everyone oooohhed and aaahhhed and I thought people were seeing a mountain lion.

*After dinner, the weather abruptly turned and a blizzard roared in. Nothing could faze our party-hearty guests however: they just tromped outside for a picture in the blowing snow and tromped back in.

*Chad and Emily (Best Man and Maid-of-Honor) gave amazing, touching toasts that made me cry. Kevin was just happy they were over so people would stop looking at him.

*It was quite a party. People danced and hung out until 5am.

What I remember most about our wedding was how happy everyone was and how filled with love we all were. It was an incredible day.

Fussy Baby

Our baby Maelin is amazing: she is almost always in a good mood, she sleeps around 5-7 hours at a stretch at night and she only cries if something is wrong. However, yesterday was a bad day with her. From the moment she woke up, she was horrendously fussy…there was nothing we could do.

Our day looked like this:

7:00am Maelin wakes up and I feed her and try to get her to go back to sleep for a bit. (this is because starting at 3am, she was up EVERY hour and a half…I got about 3 hours of sleep). She’ll have none of it (continues to fuss and near-cry) so I take her to bed with me. She finally falls back to sleep around 8:30

10:00am We all wake up together. Maelin is fussing, so I feed her and then we get her dressed. She’s happy for about 20 minutes, then the fussing and near-crying begins again.

11:30am Kevin takes her so I can go to the bathroom. She’s still extremely fussy.

12:00 I feed her again because I can’t think of anything else that might calm her down. While she’s eating, Kevin leaves to get coffee and I get a phone call from his Aunt and Uncle asking if they can drop by for a minute. I look around at the cat barf on the floor, the burp rags everywhere, the fact that I am still in my pj’s with un-brushed teeth and say, “Sure.” Not sure what I was thinking. So I rip Maelin off of me (which makes her very happy…), and quickly get her dressed and put her in the crib so she can look at her mobile. She’s good there, so I clean up the cat barf, brush my teeth, throw on some clothes and try to hide the mess.

12:20 Kevin gets back right when Aunt and Uncle stop by. They ooohhh and aaahhh over the baby (who was cute for about 3 minutes and then starting fussing again) and they leave. (it was really nice to see them and they brought Maelin an adorable piggy bank...)

1:00pm Kevin and I look at each other and the reality of our life sinks in. No one is coming to help…we have to figure out what this tiny, screaming person might need to feel better. At one point, I put her in her crib screaming because we just can’t think of another thing to do and we both need a break. We let her cry in there for about 5 minutes while we just breathe. Then I start to feel horrible about letting my baby scream while I do nothing, so I go get her. After passing her back and forth between us, I put her in her crib and she sleeps for about 30 minutes. Kevin and I start a discussion about how to fix her schedule during the day so that she might be happier. We talk about how some days he doesn’t want to come home from work because she’s so fussy at night and how exhausted I am all of the time and how house-bound we both feel. Then we realize it’s about 3pm and neither of us has eaten yet.

3:00pm We feed baby and put her in the stroller with strict comments not to cry and if she does, she’s going to have to deal. We walk to our neighborhood wrap place and grab lunch. Maelin cries the second we get into the restaurant so we get our lunch to go.

4:00pm Put Maelin back in her crib and hope like hell she takes a nap.

6:00pm Feed baby again…she actually slept for about 30 minutes, so we’re hoping she’ll be in a better mood because her Uncle Chad and Aunt Jess are coming down from Loveland to hang out and they don’t get to see her very often.

6:30pm Realize she’s not in a better mood.

6:31pm Aunt Jess takes baby from me (I think she could see I was losing it) and holds her in the colic hold and baby actually calms down for the first time all day. Although I’m thrilled that Maelin isn’t screaming, I TRIED that hold about 20 times before and it didn’t work.

7:30pm We put baby back in crib for another nap. She sleeps for about 30 minutes.

8:00pm Feed baby again while Chad, Kevin and Jeff go get pizza. Jess, Kat and I talk about having babies and how much your life changes. No kidding…

8:45pm After eating dinner super quick in case she fusses, we give baby a bath in the sink. It’s the first time she’s actually happy….can the baby just live in the bath???????

9:45pm After being dressed, lotioned and fed again, baby is finally rocked to sleep. We put her down in her crib, and she’s out until 2am.

9:46pm Look back at the day and wonder what the hell happened to our life…

Top Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy

So anyone who talks to me on a fairly regular basis knows that I had a pretty miserable pregnancy. Let me preface this by saying that I know I was lucky to be pregnant in the first place and I’m so thankful for the experience. HOWEVER, for those of you who haven’t yet gone through this wonderful evolution, here is a list of ways your body may change. Keep in mind that some of these symptoms may be more severe and debilitating:

*Top Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy (or they tell you but you don’t believe it will ever happen to you or you misjudge how much it will actually mess up your life)

1. No Sushi (this doesn’t seem like a big deal but believe me…once someone tells you can’t have it, you want it more)

2. No Beer, Wine, Cocktails, etc… (again, this is a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how left-out of things you feel)

3. Pregnancy is 10 MONTHS, not 9 (yup…it’s 40 weeks)

4. No Advil, Claritin, Pepto, Cold Medication or any of the other wonderful drugs you’ve come to depend on. (I remember my first pregnancy cold…ahhhhhhh, the relief of one Benadryl and 2 Tylenol every 4-6 hours. Don’t let them fool you; Tylenol does NOTHING for body pain!)

5. Pregnancy “GLOW” is sweat

6. Excessive flatulence. (it’s not ladylike, but I could have powered a scooter)

7. Heartburn…without the help of anything except warehouse-sized Tums

8. Ungodly diarrhea or constipation depending on the heartburn

9. Your brain shrinks

10. Public Petting…it’s suddenly ok for every stranger to pat your belly

11. Morning Sickness (or afternoon sickness, or evening sickness…Kevin became an expert at making me tea)

12. Incredible Exhaustion…I was too tired to answer emails. How much energy does it take to move a mouse?

13. Incontinence. Need I say more? Just don't make me laugh

14. Difficulty breathing

15. Difficulty sleeping. I was on a first-name basis with all the infomercial hosts. They were my late-night buddies

16. No hot tubs…especially upsetting while you’re on vacation and everyone else is in it and looking at you sadly

17. Water Retention or Swelling (I had to buy size 10 shoes to get through it…I normally wear a size 8)

18. Clumsiness

19. Your boobs get HUGE and they HURT

20. Emotional Instability (We were at a restaurant and I cried because they didn’t bring ranch with my fries)

21. Hip Pain, Back Pain, Foot Pain, Shoulder Pain, etc. (Got so bad we spent $250 on chiropractic care. Take two Tylenol, my doctor said. Grrrrrrrrrrr)

22. No Mexican food due to heartburn and toilet issues

23. Maternity Clothes. Oh yes, you can find cute maternity clothes…I once saw an adorable maternity t-shirt for $75!!!! It was a t-shirt for god’s sake! But I would have looked good in it!

24. Erosion of Personal Identity. As much as I loved talking about the baby, there was more to me and my life than that. I should have got a t-shirt made that said, “I’m due April 19, it’s a girl and I feel fine.” That shirt would have saved me so much time! (and I bet it wouldn’t have cost $75 either!)

25. Nothing fits…not even maternity clothes. The pants fall down, you need to buy new bras, socks, underwear, and even flip-flops, the shirts come with spaghetti straps (excuse me??? What pregnant woman wears shirts with spaghetti straps and no bras? ), the pants are too short, the shirts don’t fit across your mammoth boobs, the shirts are also too short and don’t cover your bulbous belly, god help you if it snows outside because your coat certainly isn’t going to help you, and you spend your entire day fixing your pants, stretching your shirt, hiking up your orthopedic socks that won’t cut off circulation in your swollen ankles, adjusting your HUGE bra and wondering where the women are that say they loved being pregnant so you could go kick their ass with your size 10 feet

26. Pregnancy-Induced Asthma and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Thankfully, the asthma went away but I still have the CTS. My doctor said to give it a year and if it’s still around, surgery can correct it. Great

27. Sex. It’s a joke. As my hilarious friend Kate once said about sex during pregnancy….”You wanna get with this???” Believe me, NO ONE wants to get with this. Not even you. Just forget about it and everyone will be much happier

28. Incredible sense of smell…I once heard it refered to as “dog nose.” You’d think this isn’t a big deal but it surely is when one of your students constantly smells like cat pee

29. It’s worth it. All of it. I’d do it again in a second if it meant I got to have my beautiful girl.

Be prepared ladies…it’s a hell of a ride for TEN months….

What to say in this blog thing

So my first blog post...hmmmmm, I have only ever read my sister's blog, so not quite sure what these are all about. Are we supposed to talk about what we did each day? (Maelin and I met Sherry in my classroom and we packed things away for summer vacation) Are we supposed to talk about who we saw (I got to show Maelin off to my teachers before we left for 2 months), who we talked to (I tried to call the doctor because Maelin has been throwing up and she never does that but the doctor never called back...damn HMO's), what we ate (I made a Weight Watchers black bean enchilada recipe that I got from Emily...it was surprisingly good), what we read (desperately trying to finish Bel Canto by Ann Pachett before book club in a few weeks and I don't think I'll make it), and any amazing thoughts we had? (I think I need to back off and help Kevin to spend more time with Maelin without me around)

My purpose in creating this blog was:
A: To give me something to do while up with baby...I have a hard time falling back to sleep at 3am
B: To keep track of the amazing moments in my daughter's life because I just know I'll forget them
C: To be on the computer and NOT buy anything
D: To keep connected with my friends and family now that I am in baby-imposed-isolation
E: To inform everyone on what teachers and students really go through day-to-day in a society that places high-stakes testing scores above well-rounded student education that will prepare them for life in the real world

So those are the objectives: I have no idea how often I'll write this or how interesting it will be....BUT it will certainly be more entertaining if something you read on here sparks your interest and I am always in the mood for a good old-fashioned debate. So, feel free to leave a comment, a snide remark or an observation about how beautiful Maelin is...at 3am, anything you have to offer is welcome!