Teachingmommy

My Story

2012-01-11T10:06:00.006-07:00

"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."Ralph Waldo Emerson

New Year's Eve, 2011. I found myself alone for a few hours. All the family who were in town for xmas had long gone. I had plans to meet some friends later that night, but for the moment, I was alone. That doesn't happen very often. I was wandering around my house, cleaning up that, putting this away...when I found myself sitting on my couch with my laptop. I was searching, looking, hunting, for something that would put 2011 into perspective. Anything, really. It was a year of extremes. Amazing times filled with family, friends, and life-long memories. But it was also filled with some of the darkest times I have ever known. I was feeling really glad to see it go, frankly. Turns out I couldn't find anything that was making me feel better about the last events that I will always associate 2011 with. In one day in December, I experienced the biggest amount of joy I had felt in a long time. I also experienced a sudden, unexplainable tragedy that changed the way I feel about the world and my school forever. My definition of "safety" changed forever that day.

But while I was sitting there waiting for my friend to come over to pick me up, I thought about all the wondrous events of 2011. My daughter turned 4. We buried my mom at Disneyland during an amazing family reunion where I got to watch Maelin shout with glee as she rode Space Mountain with her hands up in the air. I got to watch her meet her hero, Buzz Lightyear. I connected with some long-lost family that I am so grateful to have. I was there when Maelin learned how to jump in the deep end of the swimming pool without holding her nose. She went on her first hike in the mountains...totally smoking myself, her grandpa, and only had to be carried back down part of the way. I watched my baby cousin graduate from high school and helped send her off to college. Another cousin turned 16, and I got to take her downtown and make her feel like her "Sweet 16" was something special. I conducted the 1st and 2nd grade music programs and watched 6-8 year olds really sparkle and shine. I met some amazing new friends who I'm proud to call part of my family. I watched Maelin conduct a choir.

I spent time in Rome and the coastal region of Italy. I spoke Italian. I discovered an amazing new wine. My cousin married a fantastic girl in Milwaukee at one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. I fell in love with a new group of 2nd graders. They make me smile, and sometimes cry, every day. I celebrated with dear friends the adoption of their new little girl. Maelin discovered her love of the theater and will always be my buddy when it's time to see a play or a ballet. I registered to return to CU to get my 2nd Masters in Literacy. I reconnected with old friends who will always own part of my heart. I went 4-wheeling in the snow. I watched Maelin's first ballet recital with pride as she was the only child who didn't want to listen to her teacher: she just wanted to dance the way she wanted to dance. I helped get the first school play in our school's history off the ground and underway. I was able to spend the first Christmas ever with my entire family. I watched a world full of strangers provide gifts, clothes, books, food, treats, and hundreds of other things to over 100 of my 2nd graders. They still talk about those days as the "best days ever." I watched a little boy who doesn't have much time left experience real joy.

I was trying very hard to focus on all of this on New Year's Eve. My heart is still broken for the losses of 2011. And also for what I would love to see happen or achieve, but will probably never be. I'm not ready to write about those lost hopes and dreams, however. Because the beauty is: maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they aren't lost. Maybe they're still there...I just have to look harder. Maybe the love is in a different place now. Maybe the story I should be telling myself is not that things are wrong, out of place, or just not right...but are the way they need to be. So that Maelin and I can continue to challenge each other and our friends to live a life without fear. Without regard to what others think we should do.

So my challenge for 2012 is to be able to look back and be able to say Maelin and I lived authentically. We did what was right for us and we are living in accordance with who we want to be. We are going to try to overcome the fear and the tragedy and make ourselves proud. My story for 2012 is going to be filled with laughter and friends. Family and joy. Hard work and play.

And maybe...a trip to Disneyland along the way.

"Take calculated risks.
That is quite different from being rash."George S. Patton

Thank You...Just Thank You

2011-12-22T18:23:00.005-07:00

So, in 2007, I thought I'd write an email asking all of you to help me fulfill some of my kiddo's Christmas wishes. I thought if I got enough to buy each kid a book, I'd be doing an amazing amount of good. You surprised me though: I got an amazing response from all over the country. I was able to get each of my kids a gift that year.

So, in 2008, I tried again. And again...you responded in force. Not only did you send an unprecedented amount of gifts, money, and toys, but Sgt. Walker from the Air Force picked up my email and came with gifts for my class.

So, in 2009, I tried again. That year: we were able to give the ENTIRE 2nd grade (all 100+ kids) gifts. It's been that way ever since. This year: Merino High School also came with money, books, and donations for our ENTIRE SCHOOL. Never underestimate your power: I am living proof that I had a "dream" that my little 2nd graders would get 1 or 2 Christmas gifts and it blew up into something that I had never imagined. Celebrities tweeted about it and sent amazing gifts. People from all over the world (I had gift cards arrive from Holland, Germany, and Italy) sent books, school supplies, money, and the Air Force came like never before. All of you: my family and friends; sent your clothes, you held fund raisers, your children sent their birthday cards, children made ornaments and sold them to buy my kids gifts, offices gave of their time to come visit and bring the kids socks and flash cards, and too many other generous and wondrous gifts to count.

Please click here for a link to the main gift drive. Then click here for a link to the Air Force taking all of their (and YOUR) donations to Bryan's house (little boy in my class who is suffering from a brain tumor) on a day that I had a tragedy prevent me from going. That is a little boy whose last Christmas will be the most joyous he has ever known. Because of all of you.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. These children will never be the same. And neither will I.

Christmas Drive Update

2011-12-05T14:13:00.004-07:00

This is an incredibly humbling post to write and I've been putting it off for a few days as I was waiting till I felt I had the "right" words of appreciation, or the phrase that would express "enough" how amazing all of you are. I just don't think there are any words that can tell you how generous and full of love you all have proved to me that you are. Even those of you who I've never met.

Please click here for the previous post I sent out to everyone in the beginning of November. I had asked for help from all of you to provide a "gift or two" for my class of 24 2nd graders. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what has been pouring, (yes, in waves) into the office and my inbox for the last few weeks. Countless people from all over the world have stepped up and donated their time, their resources, their money, their own kids' clothes, books, services for families in need, gift wrapping and distribution help, and much, much more. Below is a quick list of all the wonderful, generous, and amazing help I've received since November...I hope it astounds and touches you as much as it has me. It has, and continues to bring me to tears.

*Gift cards to Target in amounts from $5 up to $100 from people all over the world. One little boy sent me his birthday card he had saved from Target because he told his mom, "Those kids need it more than I do." I've also received checks, money orders, and cash from everyone to my close friends and family, to strangers from as far away as Rome and Amsterdam.

*The University of Colorado Health Center gathered boots, coats, books, and random toys for all the kids.

*An office here in Commerce City gathered their workers together to donate flash cards for all the kids.

*Leah Rimini (star of King of Queens) was informed of this over Twitter and immediately asked all her fans to help my class. Within 3 days, she and her friend Sonya had created a gift list with pajamas, toys, crayons, and flash cards for every single child and it was fullfilled by all of Leah's fans from all over the world. Click here to see the link...

*I've received gift cards to have a pizza party for the kiddos in the future.

*So many of you have contacted me personally and have arranged specific donations based on the kids' needs. There are boxes and boxes and boxes in the office filled with boots, coats, books, school supplies, blankets for every kid, socks, underwear, backpacks, and so much more. The stack of boxes is incredible!

*A book party was held in UT for my kiddos and every single child will be receiving their very own hardcover book based on their reading level. They raised enough funds for that AND books to be donated to our school library so the whole school can enjoy them.

*A church in VA was able to collect over $1,000 for Bryan, my child who is very ill with brain cancer. This will go towards food, transportation, clothes, and gifts for him and his three brothers for the next several months. The Boulder Running Company is also dontaing custom shoes for him and his family.

*The USAF here at Buckley Air Force Base adopted the entire 2nd grade (all 92 kids) and have written individual letters to each child, have gotten gifts like hoodies, toys, socks, playground equipment, etc. for the ENTIRE 2nd grade. Not just my class. Not only that, but they are coming in uniform next week with Santa himself to give the kids their gifts and to spread some holiday joy before the kiddos leave for the break.

*A 8th grader in Boulder raised money by selling ornaments she made herself to buy each child a gift bag with oranges, toothbrushes, mittens, books, etc. She didn't have enough to fill each bag with what she wanted, so she went to her school's PTA and asked them to make up the difference. They happily did so.

*A junior women's league is coming next week to help me start wrapping all the gifts. They are staying late after school every day to be sure it gets done in time and I wasn't doing it all by myself.

*I still get to go shopping this weekend with all the gift cards you have sent. I plan to "fill in the gaps" and be sure every child has shoes that fit, jeans that aren't too short, a warm coat, and possibly a toy or two. This shopping trip is always the highlight of my entire year!

...and there are so many more stories still to come.

Seeing all of this written down has again brought me to tears. There just aren't enough words to describe how amazing the kindness and generosity of complete strangers are to a school of kiddos whom you've never met. I will be posting pictures all next week as we give the kids their gifts, so be sure to be checking back often.

I wonder if all of you who sent even $5 have any idea of what the power of your gift is going to do. As I sit here writing this in my heated classroom (after having to hug a little boy this morning for 10 minutes to warm him up because he had to walk to school in the 8 degree weather with no coat), I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. You have made an extreme difference in the lives of these kids. It's something they will NEVER forget.

And neither will I. Happy Holidays to all of you.

Mara

The Power of a Moldy Carpet

2011-12-01T14:01:00.009-07:00

..."I will be unconventional. I will choose which rules to bend/break to ensure that every child has the best possibility of a future. I won't become discouraged by the politics, or the families, or by my own circumstances. I will be passionate. I will always rejoice at the smallest accomplishment...as that proves I am giving my best. Most of all, I won't be afraid to try new things and to keep learning. The kids in my care deserve that from me." --Mara Kimling, June 2003

I was going through my work files last week and stumbled upon a letter a professor had me write to myself years ago back when I was taking my graduate course work for my teaching license. I know that sounds crazy. It was dated June of 2003. I had to stop and think for a minute on why she would have had us do such a silly thing. Then I remembered: she was one of the best teachers I had ever had. She inspired. She motivated. Most of all, she lead by example. I remembered she told us that teaching was a hard, hard job and 1/2 of all new teachers leave the profession before 5 years. She said it was thankless and lonely. She said we would never be rich. She said while we were young, fresh, and excited, she wanted us to write a letter to ourselves telling ourselves WHY we were choosing this profession. She said to pour our hearts out. Then she took the letters from us and mailed them to us exactly....you guessed it...one year into teaching.

I remember getting this letter and barely glancing at it. I remember I was fresh out of my first year of teaching and I was so exhausted, the thought of reading something else made me feel sick. I remember I scanned it, thought about it for all of 2 minutes, and filed it away. And there it stayed. For the last 7 years.

I've had a pretty bad problem with water leaks in my classroom. My file cabinet has grown a lovely case of mold and mildew. One day after play practice last week, I decided to go through it and try to get rid of the stuff I didn't need anymore. I came across this letter buried in a file folder labeled "New Teacher Stuff." (very eloquent, I know.) I opened it for nostalgia sake. Then read it. And read it again. And read it again.

Then I sat down in a haze of tears. I remembered how excited I was then. Before the pressures of student loans, politics, parents, unmotivated students, roofs that leak, kids that physically attack you, low salaries, technology that never works, criticism from society, unrealistic district and state expectations, and most of all...my own life problems that affect my daily moods. I wondered where "that" Mara has gone. The one who wrote about rejoicing and celebrating the small things. The one who woke up every day excited for the possibility that TODAY may be the day that Brenda finally gets it. Or that my autistic kid will make eye-contact with me. Or that Shania will tell me she's going to be a doctor and it's all because of me. Or a grandma will come find me to give me a hug to tell me how much of an influence I've been on her grandkids and thank you so much.

I've been gone for a while. I'm not sure when exactly I made my exit, but I think it has happened gradually, or my evaluations (which are always good, thank goodness) would have suffered by now. I sat on the moldy floor of my room and held the letter in my hands for quite a while. I wondered what I could do to bring myself back. If there was anything...

Later that night, I thought about when I was the happiest teaching. Family and friends have been telling me for a long time to leave this school district and get a job somewhere "easier." Somewhere closer to home. In a school where every child does his homework, every parent is involved, there's no kids doing pole dances, parents in jail, or 2nd graders reading at a kindergarten level and no one seems to give a crap about it. I thought about that and my answer to them has always been that I like it here and I've established a good name for myself here, and it's safe. But is that the truth?

The truth is I love it here. I love the dirty kids I get. I love that a smile from me might be the only smile they get all day and I have a REAL possibility here to affect them in ways I wouldn't in an "easier" school. So what else can I do to get that spark back that has been lost for so long?

It hit me hard when the answer of what to do came to me. I was happiest when I was teaching AND in school, finishing my MA. I love college. I love the discussions, I love the reading, I love researching and finding out something new. I love learning something in class on Tuesday night and being able to implement it in my classroom Wednesday morning and seeing immediate benefit from it. I've never given myself license to think about going back to school before because I already have my MA...what else could I do? A PhD in education seems silly, so I never thought about it until now. Until...a glass of wine, a friend, and an internet search provided an answer.

I'm going back to school for my Reading/Writing/Elementary Literacy Endorsement. It's about 27 credits (or 9 MA-Level classes) and when I'm finished, I'll have the option to become a Literacy Coach. Or an Intervention Specialist. Or an Instructional Coach. Or, I can use my new skills to be sure I am providing amazing reading instruction to my classroom of kiddos. In this district here in Commerce City.

So I'm going through a tedious and rushed application process to get accepted to the University of Colorado-Denver in time for the January semester. All of this happened so quickly, that I barely had time to register any of it until yesterday afternoon when I was on campus meeting with my academic advisor. I got all the paperwork I need to complete this weekend and threw my backpack over my shoulder and left the building to go pick Maelin up from preschool...

There was an amazing sunset last night. (really, it was crazy awesome...multiple people posted pictures of it on Facebook, but I digress...) I was walking through the campus that I have spent over 8 years of my life on and I know so well. I know the shortcuts and the hiding spots. I know the cheapest parking lots. I know which buildings have the best burrito dudes. I know every inch of the library, the gym, and the education department. I have worked closely with many of the professors and they smile at me when they see me in the halls there. As I was walking through the campus watching the sun set below the mountains and thinking about everyone and everything in my life that has gotten me to this point...

I was happy. I was confident. I was amazingly excited for what was to come. Imagine me: someone who didn't even graduate from high school with a Masters in Elementary Mental Health (turns out I had a 3.96 gpa that I was reminded about last night from my advisor) with an added Instructional Literacy endorsement. That puts me 10 credits below a PhD.

I'm already feeling better about the direction my life is going. I've decided to go for something that is going to make me happy, fulfilled, excited, confident, and most of all, an extremely effective master teacher. I'm not going to sit around and let the grass grow under my feet and allow myself to fall any further into the "woe is me...my job is so hard and no one appreciates teachers anymore" hole. That hole sucks. And it's not who I am.

As I've been in tears for the last few weeks due to many things going on including how stressful (but amazing!) the Christmas Gift Drive is turning out to be, (another post on that soon), I've decided to follow my own advice. That I wrote over 8 years ago...

"...If it's important to you, you will find a way. If not...you'll find an excuse."

Bryan Needs Your Help!

2011-11-22T14:45:00.004-07:00

This has never happened before and I hope I'm eloquent enough in my description, but as I'm sitting here in tears, I apologize for what might be not my best writing...

We are getting a new student on Monday. His name is Bryan and he's 8 years old. I got to meet him just now and you never saw a little boy so excited to come to school! He shook my hand super hard and said, "Nice to meet you" and couldn't wait to come see where he was going to be sitting. He was wearing a baseball cap, so I treated him like any other new student...gave him a supply box, and a new name tag, and shook hands with mom and dad. Then they left, clutching the homework I was giving out over Thanksgiving Break. (yes, I'm that kind of teacher...)

Then the secretary called and asked me to come back to the office. She told me this... "Ms. Corzine, is there any way we can add Bryan and his family to your Christmas Drive? It seems that Bryan has brain cancer. He is dying. He is only going to be coming 1/2 days because the chemo just takes it out of him, but he is so excited to keep going to school as long as he can and mom didn't want to tell him no. All their money is going to medical costs and from the looks of the information I have from Children's, this will be his last Christmas."

So again, I'm putting out a plea to all of you: let's make this little boy's Christmas spectacular! He has one brother who is 12 and another who is 2. Any gifts you would like to collect, send, or donate for Bryan and his family this year will go directly to him. If you aren't sure what to get, please send a Target card and just write "Bryan" on the envelope and I'll make sure he and his brothers have a Christmas that they'll all remember.

The address to send anything you can still find in your hearts to is:

Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

Words can't describe how touched and amazed and humbled I am by all you've already done. The smile on Bryan's face today when I met him showed me the true spirit of children: pure happiness. Despite his pain and his fear. He'll be coming 1/2 days and I can't wait to help him and be here with him for as many of those days as possible.

Thank you.

--Mara

Hope

2011-11-18T12:22:00.003-07:00

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible."--Christopher Reeve

Less than a week away from Thanksgiving. Christmas is just around the corner. Maelin and I have already set up the pink Christmas tree in her room and she's been bugging me for weeks to set up the big one. As our new place is rather small, we've been debating about where it's going to go. Her vote is in front of the TV. I've been trying to explain to her that that's not the best idea, but she's determined. I think we'll have to negotiate that one.

I have more hope this Christmas than last year around this time. I remember spending a lot of time mourning the fact that it was our first Christmas without our mom. My mom LOVED Christmas: one of her favorite things to do was to buy these ridiculous puzzle boxes and throw gift cards in them for us. Anyone who knows me knows I have NO patience whatsoever, so I never even tried to attempt to open the darn things. My brother was a huge fan though and I have many years of memories of him sitting there doggedly trying to open the box and he always would: and the smile on Mom's face was awesome. She was so happy to be able to do fun things like that with us.

Another fun tradition was for her to take us to the Nutcracker every year. We've done it almost every year that I can remember. In fact: that's one of the last times we were out together in public two years ago before she got really sick. I have a treasured picture of us at the show and even though you can tell she's not feeling her best, she's wearing the largest smile. In that spirit, we've got a whole gaggle of people going to the Nutcracker with us this year! In all, we've got about 10 people: my aunt and her girls, our whole family, and some dear family friends. Even though I'm sad that it's another year my mom won't be joining us and I'm wishing she could watch the joy on Maelin's face when the Sugar Plum Fairy dances, I'm hopeful that this will be the start of many fun family memories for Mae. That was always my mom's favorite part and Maelin has already picked out which tutu she's going to wear to show so she can dance "just like the pretty ballet girl." It's going to be bittersweet, but I feel so blessed that my family will all be together for that night.

My sister is coming out to visit from CA and she and all my siblings and kids are spending the night on Christmas Eve and we're going to try to create a real "Christmas Morning" for the kiddos. I have a fireplace, so we'll make cookies and write the letter to Santa and do the whole bit with candies and Skittles in the stockings that we never got to do when we were kids. My younger sister is doing the cooking (thank God, as I'm not the best cook: I tend to even burn pans), and my older sister and her kids are performing "The Night Before Christmas" for all of us. My mom happened to record that book for all the kids right before she passed away, so we'll actually have her voice there to narrate.

Hope is a tricky thing. Too much of it, and you tend to live in a constant state of denial. Not enough of it, and you become a bitter pessimist who is pretty certain of how miserable life is and how nothing is good enough. I think I've got a much better understanding and grasp of hope these days. I'm hopeful that this holiday season will be better than last years' and I can finally put my grief to rest. I'm hopeful that Maelin will be able to look past my imperfections and my bad days and remember her childhood with a happy, joyful heart. I'm hopeful that I will finally be able to become the mom, teacher, and friend that I'm meant to be.

I'm thinking that the holidays are going to have their times of longing, sadness, grief, and wistful thinking. But I'm hopeful that I can use those emotions to spurn a desire to create something magical for myself and my family.

And maybe by this time next year: I'll be writing about joy, magic, love, friendship, and possibilities.

I'll keep hoping.

Back To My Roots...

2011-11-10T15:26:00.003-07:00

Lifetime member. Troupe #1674. Card-carrying Thespian. One of the things I loved most about high school was being a member of the drama group. I made amazing, life-long friends, was able to dance, sing, yell, scream, laugh, cry, and perform many different types of roles to my heart's content. Performances, plays, theater will always be one of my very first loves.

Well, it seems I have an opportunity to put some of that fun to work! Our elementary school has found a VERY small amount of funds for us to put on our very first play! The First Annual Alsup Drama Club! And guess who they asked to help with it...yup! So very excited.

We have no budget. We have a script borrowed from another school. We have volunteers helping after school to run rehearsals. We have students helping after school to paint scenery. We have no auditorium, so we'll set up folding chairs in the gym. We have "actors" who have NEVER performed in front of an audience larger than their own classrooms before. We have students getting ready for tryouts who can't even practice at home much because their parents don't speak enough English to be of help to them...

No matter. "For the love of the theater...", we have dozens of kiddos who are super excited and already preparing their tryouts. For me. The person who will want to choose every single one of them for just having the guts to get up in front of 3 teachers and possibly be eliminated. For a silly, elementary school play.

That's passion and I'm so thrilled to be able to be a part of it. So here we go: twice a week rehearsals after school and performance scheduled for February. My old Thespian Troupe from Centaurus would be pretty proud of me now.

Christmas Help Needed!!

2011-11-09T11:38:00.004-07:00

Hello all my friends and family,

It's that time of year again, Christmas time! It is such an exciting time for Mae and I at home! As I muddle through the stress that is daily life, I sometimes forget how lucky Maelin and I are. We go home to a warm home. Mae has plenty of clothes and food and toys and isn’t really lacking anything.

Please take a moment to read the following letter and possibly even forward it along if you see fit:
I work in a very impoverished school district. At last count, my school is over 95% free and reduced lunch, and our annual residential turnover (how quickly kids come and go) is 36%. (which means kids are constantly moving, staying with relatives, switching schools, etc…)

To put it bluntly: I have 24 8-year-old kids. 2 of them are homeless: they either live in shelters or with other family members. Most of them don't have their own coats, boots or enough food to eat at night. They are constantly asking for “more breakfast please” and they tend to save some of the snacks we get to take home to their siblings. The school provides free breakfast and lunch that we serve every day and for some of my students this is the only time they even get to eat. Two of my kids have family members (a mom or dad or brother) in jail, and the vast majority of my kids don't have enough books, pencils, paper or even crayons at home to do their homework.

It's not that all of the parents are deadbeats or don't care: I've met all my parents and most of them are devoted to their kids and passionate that their kids MAKE IT: they want their kids to rise above their situation and become better than they themselves have it.

I'm making a passionate plea to all of you: I know we are all tightening our belts this holiday season, just like the last few years, but if you could find it in your hearts to sponsor a child, so this Christmas every child in my class gets at least one present this holiday, I would be eternally grateful. There is nothing more heartwarming than the smile on a child's face when they are used to getting nothing (which reinforces to them that they don't matter and they don't deserve anything) and someone, somewhere, shows that they care about that child and that they MATTER to someone.

I hope the pictures, cards, and notes that you’ve read over the last few years lets you know how much YOU and YOUR HELP has made a difference to these kids. I still have kiddos from the upper grades come back and tell me that “2nd grade was the best Christmas ever! Remember we got all the books and toys?” Comments like that show that we ARE making a difference to these kids. And I’m so excited to do it again.

To share a quick story about this with you, I’ve had 3 students every year in my class from the same family. They live with grandma as both parents are in jail. Grandma works at the Hostess bakery here in Commerce City, so you can imagine what kind of budget they’re on. The girls are amazing, bright students and grandma was doing a great job with them. She came to me last spring and said something like, “Ms. Corzine, you need to know that you are my girls’ angel. You have made them smile every Christmas for the last 3 years and they talk about you all the time. Shania wants to be a teacher just like you because of the role model you are for them. Thank you for being here for my girls. You and people like you are the reasons my girls will make it.” I gave her a huge hug and filed that one away in the reasons I teach where I do.

This summer, I found out grandma passed away from liver cancer. I don’t know where the girls are now. I’m hoping they are well and the lessons they learned from all of us and grandma are sticking with them. I have a basket of goodies here in my room for them WHEN I see them again that I’ve collected from all of you over the years. I’m hopeful one day I can give it to them.

I've included some sayings from my kids' writings when I asked them to write about what they wanted/needed this holiday season: (I didn't edit their responses)

"I nned some math cards and things for my baby sister cuz she don’t hav close.”
“I would like some books please because I want to be smart when I grow up to be a smart doctor and sciencetest.”
“I would like bots to kep my fet out of the snow. The snow is cold.”
“Dear Santa, Pleese bring me some glases because I candt see. It would be grate to see.”
“Warm pj’s would keepe me warm at nite.”

I wanted to scan in all of the cute pictures but for time sake, I think you get the picture. Very few of them asked for things that most kids would ask for…

Here's the deal: My principal and I thought if I sent this email to everyone on my address list and you forwarded it on to your friends, we just might be able to get every child one thing that they want. We'll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks. Gift cards to TARGET would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts.
If you'd really like to donate books and be sure that's where your gift was going, you can make your check out to SCHOLASTIC BOOKS and I will be sure to use it for that. We'd also love any books, school supplies, etc. I will make sure every child in my class will get something new this Christmas and hopefully, fill up their little hearts with a small amount of joy in the process.

Please send what you can to:
Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

I'm here to tell you that all of us together can make a difference for these kids. They make me smile and laugh everyday with their unbreakable spirit, kind hearts and laughter. I assure you that even a pair of gloves and a book from a stranger matters to an 8 year old. They get a sparkle in their eyes. I need to get any donations by Friday December 9th to ensure I can go shopping and get things ready before the kids leave for break on the 15th!

I thank you in advance for your action and your caring. I wish all of you an amazing holiday season with your families and friends.
Warmest thanks for your time and thoughtfulness….

Mara

p.s. Some of you have been asking for class stats, so here they are: 14 boys, 11 girls. I have boot, coat, and clothes sizes so email/message me if you’d like that information. Thank you!!

p.p.s UPDATE: A dear friend has created a gift list online at Walmart if it's easier for you to click on this link and have a gift sent directly to the school. If that's not your thing, Target Gift Cards in any amount will help get the individual needs met. Thank you!

Our First Rockies Game

2011-09-25T09:06:00.008-06:00

We headed out to the baseball field last week to show Maelin her first Rockies game. We had to bring Toto along (he goes where we go), and we met a good group of friends. It was the Fans Appreciation night, so fireworks were scheduled. Thought it would be a great time to introduce the little one to the joy of live sports.

She LOVED it. Although...it was hard for her to see anything since she's so small. So she had the most fun just running around the stadium, eating Dippin Dots ice cream, playing ABC Food on my iPhone (best app ever), asking me questions like, "Mommy, why is the football game so loud?", dancing when it was time to dance at the 7th inning stretch, singing and playing with our friends, and then...it was firework time.

We were super excited to stay in our seats to watch them as we were down really low and looking right at the west stands, where they were scheduled to be shown. However, Maelin saw the crowds being moved from the west stands onto the baseball field so they could watch the show on the ground. She flipped out and wanted to go down there with them. Being the bad Mommy I am, I figured we could find a way around the ushers and security and get down there. So we packed everything up, said a quick good-bye to the group, and hurried off. Turns out the Rockies staff knew what I was attempting and nope...there was NO way I was going to get us on the field. So I had to drag Maelin back to our section. The whole time, she was just sobbing and saying, "But Mommy, WHY can't I go on the field with the people? I'm a good girl!" It was awful. Lesson learned: do NOT try to break the rules with the 4 year old in tow. Just stay put and let her realize that rules are for everyone.

By the time the show started, she forgot all about being sad and loved it. She totally loved it. Then the music came on and we were all dancing and then it was time to leave. More tears. More drama. "Mommy, I don't want to leave! I want more football!" (yes, it was a baseball game, but considering she barely watched any of it, I gave her that. She watches football with her dad, so that's the sport she knows). I finally got us out of there, fought the game traffic home and the little thing was crashed in bed at 11pm.

Note to self for future baseball trips: 1) Leave Toto at home. He's a pain in the ass to carry around the stadium especially when the child keeps dropping him in the middle of a crowd. 2) Bring cash. Lots of it. Dippin Dots are pricey. 3) Make sure iPhone is fully charged so she can play and I can actually watch part of the game. 4) Eat dinner before we get there (which we did, thank god). Can't imagine what it would have been like if she was hungry. 5) Do NOT try to switch seats. Just stay where we're at and act like it's the best spot in the entire world. 6) Take lots of pictures and write it all down later because nothing is cuter than my little girl looking at me and saying, "Thank you Mommy for the football game. We do fun things."

Loved it.

Summertime Fun

2011-08-29T16:00:00.005-06:00

Since school has started, I've been spending all my time now grading papers, creating lessons, attending meetings, talking to parents (or really, having parents yell at me, but that's another post for another day), testing students, playing games on the playground, and a thousand other little things that makes summertime seem awfully far away.

I stumbled upon these pictures when I was cleaning up my phone and I decided to post them as a quick reminder of why I do what I do: why I love my job for the few weeks of freedom that it grants me during the summer. It's such precious and amazing time to spend playing with Maelin...she's growing up so fast.

Hope you enjoy!

Wanted for her 9th birthday: Clean Water for Africa

2011-07-27T10:56:00.005-06:00

I've tried to write this post 4 times now and I find I can't say anything the way Rachel did, so I'm not even going to try. I'll just give you the background and you can click on her link and read it for yourself.

Suffice it to say: I am humbled and grateful for stumbling upon this story today. As I drove to work worrying about my credit card bills, my poor car that's starting to fall apart, and the gas prices, the one thing I didn't have to worry about was whether Maelin has clean water to drink. Or that I've lost her.

Here is Rachel's story and then at the end of this, I've provided the link to her website. I hope it moves you the same way it did me.

Nine-year-old Rachel Beckwith didn't live long enough to reach her goal of raising $300 to bring clean water to African villagers. She died in a 13-car accident on Interstate 90 in Bellevue, Wash., last week, the Seattle Times reported. Since then, hundreds of thousands of dollars have flowed into the charity page she set up shortly before her accident, with more than 9,000 people contributing $368,000 to Rachel's cause.

The 9 year old told her family and friends she didn't want presents for her June 12 birthday, only donations to the non-profit Charity Water.

"I found out that millions of people don't live to see their 5th birthday," Rachel wrote. "And why? Because they didn't have access to clean, safe water so I'm celebrating my birthday like never before. I'm asking from everyone I know to donate to my campaign instead of gifts for my birthday. Every penny of the money raised will go directly to fund freshwater projects in developing nations."

Rachel had only raised $220 by the time her birthday came, so she closed the page. But after the tragic accident, Rachel's pastor at Eastlake Community Church, Ryan Meeks, brought the page back up and publicized it on the church's website. As news of Rachel's cause spread, more and more people found and donated to Rachel's page, many leaving personal comments about how touched they were by her selflessness.

"Thank you for your generous heart and for inspiring such generosity in others," wrote an anonymous donor who gave $45 to the charity. Another donor who left $9 wrote: "Say hello to my Jesse."

Rachel's mother Samantha Paul posted on Monday that she was in "awe" of the flood of support. "In the face of unexplainable pain you have provided undeniable hope," she wrote. "I know Rachel is smiling!"

Read Rachel's Webpage for yourself. Rachel can explain much better than I ever could.

Certain I Can Fly

2011-07-12T11:34:00.008-06:00

My mom has been gone for over a year now. In that time, I've had the opportunity to spend some time alone in Italy contemplating where I want to be a year from now. My daughter has grown 3 inches and has learned how to count to 100. I've moved twice. I've taken a music test in the hopes of becoming the music teacher for my school. I've lost a few friends, but gained perspective. I was in a car accident. I've cried tears over found treasures of hers. My family scattered her ashes at Disneyland amidst the smoke of the fireworks. A dear family friend found the love of her life. Another family friend lost hers. I've said things, done things, and reacted to things in ways I'm not really proud of. Maelin learned how to put her head under the water and how to sing "Stay Awake." Through all of this...I think I may have found part of my voice.

Wandering the streets of Rome all by myself with no map to guide me was the best thing I could have done. Imagine the scene: I get off at a Metro stop and I have no clue where I am: just a sense of where I want to end up. So I start walking. I stay on the left hand side of the narrow street, careful not to twist my ankle on the cobblestones, as this side is in the shade and it's blistering hot today. I stop in a shop and ask in my haltering Italian for a bottle of water. I pay the $3 and drink it in grateful gulps. As I continue to blindly find my way through the confusing, noisy, overwhelming city, I stop and peer into the small shops I'm wandering past. One shop seems to call to me to step in, and it's not because of the air conditioning that feels so welcome on this hot day. It's because of the lady who is inside.

She looks just like my mom. Oh, she has the trademark Italian nose which my mom didn't have, but her stature and posture is just the same. She has the same crooked smile. She has the curly brown hair that my mom spent hours trying to straighten (just as I do). She even has her green, sparkly eyes. I stand in the corner and try to gather my breath. I know that this woman is a random Italian lady, but for her to show up at this time, on this day...makes me pause.

"Ciao", she says to me. I stumble back and say hello. I look around the shop. It's a doll shop. For anyone who knew my mom, you know she had an amazing collection of matryoshka dolls. This shop has tons of those, obviously imported, but to me it's a sign that I'm in the right place. Doing the right thing. Finding my voice, finding my lost heart, finding my confidence, finding my happiness again. Figuring out that I have so much at home to be grateful for and to be happy about. I ask "Quanto Costa" in my awful Italian, while pointing at a set of dolls. She answers me with a smile and says something way too fast for me to comprehend. Oh well. I browse through the shop and choose a handmade wooden puppet for Maelin. She'll tangle the darn thing all up, but no matter. This doll is coming home with me as a symbol of everything that hasn't changed in the last year...

These things are still here and even better than they were the last time I was able to talk to my mom. These are the things I longed for when I was in Rome and the things that made me want to get behind the plane to scoot it along so I get home faster.

My amazing, beautiful, brilliant little girl. She's growing up way too fast for my liking, but she still hugs me and sits on my lap and tells me I'm the best Mommy in the world. She has the ability to throw herself into my arms and erase every single trouble or worry I may have away. Every single day with her is a gift and even though there are times when I'm exhausted, or too busy, or sick, or stressed out, or sad, or distracted...she's an absolute joy and I am so lucky to be her mom. I can't wait to teach her how to play the piano, to take her to Italy with me, to help her with her homework, and to teach her about loss and the dignified way to handle it.

My friends and family are still here. These past months have taught me who "has my back" and who will be here for me no matter what. I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who would "bury a body" for me if I asked them to. Some of these people I've known for years, and some I've just been lucky enough to meet or become reacquainted with recently. Some are people I only get to talk to a few times a year, but that doesn't matter either because since I found my voice again, I've found a new appreciation for the ability to call them my friends.

I have an amazing job with amazing people. Just today, I had to step in and help restrain a student I had 2 years ago. He's gotten much stronger and it was a bit scary. However...I have 16 kids in summer school that need me. I am teaching them how to read. How to write. How to think and comprehend. How to analyze. Even though summer school is taking away some time from Maelin, I'm so grateful that I get to spend my mornings actually feeling like I'm possibly making a difference for even one child.

After I leave the doll shop with Maelin's puppet safely wrapped up, I stop in the middle of the piazza to get my bearings. Which way back to the Metro station? I see tour groups, cars and vespas zooming by, street vendors begging the tourists to buy a fake Prada purse. (of COURSE I got one!) I see the shadow of St. Peter's Basilica in the distance. The smell of freshly baked pizza is waifing down the street and the gelato shop across the way just finished making their waffle cones for the evening. The flower vendor is cutting the fresh bouquets, and the locals are all hurrying to their local bar for their evening "apertif": the quick glass of wine and snack you have after work with your friends. I experience a fresh wave of homesickness because in finding my voice here in Rome, I found what really matters.

My daughter. My friends and family. My life here in Denver. I wouldn't trade one bit of it. Yes, our future is uncertain right now, but I know that I'm following my heart and I'm not being held back because of fear. I know I'm making the right choices for Maelin and I to live with authenticity. When she's experiencing her first heartbreak, or her first love...I'll be able to tell her that life is short and not to be chained in by other people's expectations. Or other people's judgements. To live with bravery and to make the scary choices because you have faith that it will all turn out all right in the end.

Or to quote someone who is wiser than myself; "To jump off the cliff before you're certain you can fly."

Time to Study

2011-05-31T12:58:00.003-06:00

I can play any instrument. I'm not saying that to brag or boast, it's just the way I've always been. I took about 2 years worth of official piano lessons when I was a kid and I was in orchestra, jazz, concert, and marching band, and played for years in the Boulder Youth Symphony as a teenager. I was a very informal piano teacher for about 4 years, and I can harmonize pretty well. My singing voice isn't fantastic (as my karaoke proves), but I can carry a tune. I've taught myself pretty much every instrument (including the snare drum!)...minus the guitar. I was able to teach Italian kiddos in Milan and Bologna, Italy how to sing in English, and how to perform and dance. I even have a music note tattoo on my ankle. It's always been my passion and my love and most people who know me, have seen an example of two of how music has affected my daily life.

There's a reason I've never mastered the guitar. My brain just does not understand chords, tonalities, and intervals. There's a reason I failed my college math class and had to change my major. I'm just not wired that way. But...I've got three weeks to prove myself wrong.

Our music teacher is very unofficially gone. I was able to conduct the elementary music program in May for our school and I got rave reviews, even though I only had 2 days to work with the kiddos. I was so frustrated at my lack of control: if it had been up to me, the kids would have done a musical study (Oklahoma!, My Fair Lady, The Music Man, Sound of Music, etc.), and done a collage of songs and dances from those. We just didn't have time. I would have taught a few of them to play simple piano selections. I would have composed recorder music for others. I would have thrown in some sign language. Can't do much of that in two days though...but those are my dreams. Especially for our population of kiddos: music and art and dance is so important for them and it's been breaking all of our hearts that the kindergarten kids cry before music class because they don't want to go. That's not the way it should be.

So I have been officially asked to apply for the music teacher position in our school. I'd be teaching 6 classes a day: one each for K-5th grades. I'd love it. I'd really miss my 2nd grade team, but imagine what I could do! We'd have talent shows. I'd teach everyone simple piano songs. We'd compose our own music on the xylophones. We'd learn square dances. We'd watch ballet and compose the music for them. We'd learn about instrument families, composers, dances, theater, and we'd have twice-yearly shows. I'd even try to teach strings/woodwinds after school for the 5th graders (brass instruments are not my speciality). Most of all: I'd make it fun. They'd learn so much and for some of them, it'd be the highlight of their day. Even special needs kids can learn rhythm or appreciation for classical/jazz/big band music.

There's just one problem: in order for me to accept the position which has been enthusiastically offered to me, I need to pass the Colorado State Place Music K-12 Licensure Test. Did you catch the problem with that? I'd be teaching K-5: this test covers everything through 12th grade. That's all music theory and history. That is such an incredible amount of information that, A) I either never learned or just absorbed through my own self, or B) I need to learn because I never heard of it in my life, or C) I never understood it to begin with.

To give you an idea of some of the stuff I need to know, click this link. It's incredibly overwhelming and is almost enough to make me even not want to try. Add to that: I only have one chance to take and pass this test before the beginning of the school year. June 25. I get back from Italy on June 24. Anyone else see the problem with that? I'm already starting to hyperventilate.

I've bought two music theory/history books and I've started plugging through them. I can honestly say that all of it sounds familiar, but I probably only really know about 30% of it. The rest I'm guessing at. And not even very well. I've been taking the practice tests and they are just serving to tell me everything that I don't know. If I were to take the test now, I think I'd get about a 40% on it. That is not passing.

But I'm going to try. My mom would want me to at least try for it. All my friends and co-workers especially think I'd be awesome at it and they really want me to at least try. So I'm taking my music theory (which is boring as hell, btw) books with me to Italy. I'll read them on the piazza's with a cappuccino. I'll read them in the evenings when Maelin is asleep. Before I start summer school, I'll spend the Tues/Thurs that she's in school at the library studying as hard as I can. Then I'll come home and take the insane test where they play me 20 seconds of a classical piece and I have to explain who the composer was, if it was pre or post baroque style, what key it's in and why, and many other things. I'll have to analyze different selections and explain them. I'll have to compose different pieces according to a prompt with proper key, functions, time signature, and placements. And I have 3 weeks to learn all this.

I'll keep you posted. I'm not super hopeful, but everyone around me says I'd be awesome at it and try my best. That's all I can do.

EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Music Program...On Video!

2011-05-13T11:02:00.002-06:00

Click here for a link to the video for the 1st part of the music program, and here for the link to the 2nd part. I think in total, they're about 16 minutes. :-) The only song that I was able to teach the kids from scratch is the last one on video 2. We also added a lot of dancing and stuff to the rest of the songs that they knew already.

Thanks for watching!!

I am now a music teacher!

2011-05-11T13:41:00.000-06:00

The two grade levels getting ready for tonight's show...there's sure a lot of them...

Whoa. Crazy, crazy week. I got a phone call at 6:30pm on Monday night from my principal. She basically said the music teacher is gone for now and the less I know about why, the better. The music program for the 1st and 2nd graders is still scheduled for Wednesday night. Could I please take over?

Um. Sure. I guess. Holy crap.

So I get into work on Tuesday to assess the situation. My God. We couldn't find any music, the kids said they knew some songs, but not enough and they're really lame songs, and there's no scenery, programs, order, or anything. The kids didn't even know where to stand.

I've spent every waking minute for the last two days downloading music, printing/creating programs, organizing over 250 6-8 year olds, coordinating with parents, the principal, the other teachers, the custodians, and oh yeah: teaching them one new song and dance for the performance. I would have LOVED to recreate the whole bloody thing from scratch, but there was just not enough time. So I added some dance, some props, some movement, and some more music.

Tonight will be my first time directing any sort of musical program since I was in Milan, Italy in 2002. That was easy because the kiddos were singing English and no one understood them anyway. :-) And we had 2 weeks to work on it. And it was all mine: created from scratch.

That's the hardest part: to stand up in front of all these kids, parents, and my fellow teachers to perform this when I KNOW the kids could have done better. We could have nailed a super amazing program if I had just had more time. But...something is better than nothing.

And it's been super fun. I'm incredibly worn-out and exhausted, but it's been a hoot. We'll see how it goes...

I kinda like being a music teacher.

A Different Meaning to Mother's Day

2011-05-04T16:05:00.005-06:00

"Linnie" with Maelin in October, 2007. Maelin is 6 months old here and my mom is thrilled to be spending some time with us.

Mother's Day is quickly approaching and this year it's hitting me that it's going to be about ME. Maelin and I. Not my mom. In the past, I've always, always, made sure I had gotten my siblings together to order her flowers, take her to dinner, buy a gift, and make sure we did something special for her. I happened to stumble upon a gift we had given her about 10 years ago in her desk: a "Mother's Ring"; it has all four of our birthstones in it. I remember how excited I was to give it to her for Mother's Day as this was one of the holidays we didn't celebrate growing up. It felt so nice to be able to take a day and really make sure she knew how much we loved her, we were proud of her, and we were so grateful to have her in our lives.

Mother's Day doesn't mean that to me anymore now that she's gone. I've been spending the last few days trying to decide what kind of traditions I want to create for Maelin and myself now that it's just us. Some friends have given me great suggestions: from taking her to paint pottery, to planting flowers, to dinner with my sister, to a drive up to the mountains, to visiting my mom at the cemetery. I even tossed around the idea of spending Mother's Day with my Aunt Laura and her girls like we did for Easter. It'd be kind-of like creating my own substitute for a Mom.

But I don't need a Mom-Sub. I have a mom. She's gone now, but I see her in Maelin's smile. I hear her when Maelin asks me for the thousandth time when are we going to Disneyland again? I hear her voice at the store telling me how to pick the perfect watermelon. I feel her when I see pictures or stories of her two cats who are being lovingly looked after in different homes.

I knew she was watching, smiling, and super proud of me when I booked my trip to Rome this summer. I felt her strength when I made the decision that the trip was going to make me a happier, calmer, and less grief-stricken person, therefore making me a better mom for Maelin. I felt her pride last weekend when I was playing the piano for a group of over 100 people: a piece I had only 45 minutes to learn. When I stood up at the end to the applause, I could hear her whispering to me how proud she was of my musical abilities and how glad it made her that she scrimped and saved in order to get me to piano lessons. She drove me to every one. Paid for every one by herself. Called her friends on the phone so I could play for them. Came to every concert. Bought flowers on those nights with little notes telling me how magical my music was and how happy it made her.

I feel her watching us every night when I read to Maelin. Maelin has inherited her love of books and is constantly asking me to "Read just one more, Mommy!" I hear her laughing at me when it's 10:30pm at night and Maelin is still up and awake: a happy little night-owl just like she was. I feel her pride when Maelin turns down an ice-cream in favor for something salty: the child has been known to lick salt right off of her hands. My mom always had salt packets in her purse for a "salt-emergency"...you never knew when you'd be stuck with a popcorn that needed it and you didn't have any.

Most of all: I feel her love for my brother, sisters, and I. Now that I'm a mom, it's so overwhelming to have this little person in my world and I can finally appreciate how my mom must have felt about us. How happy she was at our conferences when we got good grades (which we all did...at least, most of the time.) How worried she must have been when we were late. How she probably stayed up late crying when I slammed the door during an argument. How she wondered and agonized over how she was going to get food on the table for four kids. How fulfilled she must have been to be able to take us all to Disneyland as many times as she did. Her joy at our weddings, and her sorrow when we called her crying when we thought those marriages weren't going to make it after all. Her love for our friends and how she became their "Linnie" as well.

I feel all of that now. That's why Mother's Day has such a different meaning to me now. I'm trying to find a way to honor all of this for my mom while creating new memories and traditions for Maelin. I don't think we'll go to the cemetery this year. That's not what my mom would want. Maelin knows her Nana is "in the ground" and I don't think that's what my new Mother's Day should be about. I think we'll sleep in late. We'll have a fun breakfast. I'll let Maelin pour the pancakes or heat the waffles. We'll go to the flower shop and I'll let Maelin pick some flowers for me and her Nana. We'll take them home and I'll let her get as messy as she wants planting them for us. I'll tell her stories. Maybe we'll take a nap. I'll be sure she knows how much I love her. We'll meet my sister and her kiddos for dinner and Maelin will go to bed as secure in my love for her as I did every single night of my life.

Because that's my new meaning to Mother's Day. Not to be sad or grief-stricken. But to be grateful and happy for everything I had. And still have.

Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.

Things I Can't Control

2011-04-26T13:45:00.008-06:00

A friend and I were recently talking about the difference between control, influence, and care.

Things I can control are limited to ONLY things I have power of change over: my beliefs, my attitudes, my reactions. Things I have influence over are things that I might possibly be able to change, but probably not. These would be things like how quickly Maelin learns to read or my annual job review. Things I care about are all the extrinsic forces that are beyond any of our control but they do affect our daily lives. Traffic, the economy, and gas prices fall into this category.

I was thinking about this conversation today when I had to have a conference with the secretary about two of my students. I won't name one of them, but I had to buy her a pair of shoes this past Christmas as she was clomping around in Grandpa's old ones. Social Services has been out a few times to talk to us about her home life. It seems she was removed from her house over the weekend and Dad (turns out he's a drunk), is forbidden from even seeing her or her siblings anymore. She's living in Arvada with Grandma and still wants to keep coming here for school. Another kiddo you might know about is my little Sierra; her mom died in September of kidney/liver failure leaving Sierra and her sister Casi (in 5th grade) all alone. They've been living with their Aunt. Over Spring Break, Dad shows up to take them on a visit and doesn't bring them back. He decided he wants them and we're not sure where they are or what's going to happen. Poof...they're gone.

I cried for both of these girls this morning. Not sobbing tears, but just sadness at the lack of control these kids must feel each day. Then I started to feel sorry for myself for my career choice: if you think about the homes some of these kids come from, how crazy am I to think I have any chance to make any sort of positive change for them? It's like climbing uphill in the snow with no shoes and wondering why you get frostbite. Started to feel ridiculous. Stupid, even.

But then I remembered my recent realization about control vs. influence vs. care. I care about these kids. They affect my daily life. But I have no control over what happens outside of my classroom. I can make sure they're loved and warm when they're here and I can buy them shoes or clothes, but I have no control over whether Dad sells those clothes at the flea market so he can buy another bottle of Vodka (true story, as it turns out...). I can make sure I'm the most positive role model possible, but I have very little influence on whether or not they'll end up in college. That's up to them and where their life takes them. However...I can control my thoughts and reactions.

So that's what I'm going to be focusing on for a while. I care about so much that I actually have very little (or any) power over. There are so many things that aren't the way I'd like for them to be right now. Most of these things fall into the care category, so I'm going to put them aside. It doesn't mean my heart isn't breaking over them or I don't wish it were different a thousand times a day. It means I'm going to spend my "daily energy" focusing on what I can actually control: my reactions to my students. My energy for my job. My beliefs about the type of person I am and who I'm trying to raise Maelin to be. The types of people who are my true friends and the boundaries I need to create for those who aren't. The types of classes I can take this summer in order to be the type of teacher that I still believe I can be.

I can control these things. There's where my energy and my tears are going to be spent from now on. I'm leaving behind the rest of it. I'm going to end this quick post with this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of "Eat, Pray, Love":

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

A PBR Wedding!!!

2011-04-22T21:21:00.002-06:00

Congrats Pete and Megan!!! Can't wait! What a super fun time! A wedding at the PBR brewery! (could I possibly use any more exclamation points??? ) :-)

Finding My Voice...A Year Later

2011-04-21T16:27:00.010-06:00

It's been over a year since I last posted on this blog.

In that time, Maelin has grown 4 inches. I've moved two times. We've gone to war in Libya. We had another anniversary of Sept. 11. Three of my best friends have had babies. One of which is just coming home today from almost a month in the NICU. Maelin has started preschool and graduated out of the Monkey Room and is now in the Crocodile Room. My class size has gone from 26 to 29. I traded my CrapBerry in for an iPhone and love it. My sister moved from Seattle to Sacramento and we've been out there to visit her.

I had my first Christmas by myself...no husband, no mother. One of my old students skipped 8th grade and is now kicking it over at the high school. One cousin went to Ireland and another one is graduating in a couple of weeks. Another friend adopted an adorable little girl. The first anniversary of my mother's death has come and gone, so has her birthday, the first Christmas without her, the first Thanksgiving. My family all went to Disneyland together to scatter her ashes by the castle...praying the whole time we wouldn't be caught and sent to "Disney Jail." Maelin rode her first roller coaster with her arms up in the air, squealing the whole time. I got in my first car crash. My sister beat thyroid cancer and has been declared "healed".

I'll be going back to Italy this summer: this time, all by myself. Not sure how long I'm staying or where I'll end up, but I'm hoping to find my heart again along the way. Lost about 30 pounds from the magical "Stress Diet" that I'm on and I really wish I could bottle and patent it as I'd make millions. I've stood hugging my uncle while fireworks exploded over our heads just wishing my mom could see us for even one minute. I've realized she's not coming back. I haven't gone through her things yet. I'm hoping as long as they stay boxed up, there's a potential for another little treasure to be discovered.

I've really found my groove at work and am really loving my job again...despite huge class sizes and all the outside forces working against us. Maelin and I have played in a mountain stream until our feet were numb, but laughing the entire time. I've learned that love comes in many different packages and I'm grateful for all the different ways it presents itself...even if it doesn't seem to be what I want or need at the time. I've learned the hard way to trust my instincts and not my heart. I've rediscovered old friends and moved on from others. I've learned the true meaning of heartbreak and loss. Of saying good-bye and being thankful for the lessons learned. Of friendship. And of loyalty. And hopefully...I've found my voice.

Stay tuned. I'm here now. I was lost for a while, but I think I've found my way back. To what matters most. My friends, family, and the reasons why I get up every day...

Keep checking. A whole new year has started...

"More Kids Than The Middle Schools..."

2010-04-22T16:43:00.003-06:00

Had a pretty rough day today at work. My high-needs kiddo brought a razor blade to school. It's especially nerve-wracking because he just got done kicking Janae and throwing a book at me when I tried to intervene. Makes me wonder what he was planning to do with it...

So when I was trying to get it from him, I got a kick and a hit for my troubles. I finally got some help from the school psychologist but they didn't even send him home. Just a quick time-out in the office...and he was right back in my classroom.

I'm not so concerned for myself but what about the rest of my kiddos? I think to when I'll have Maelin in school: if there was a kiddo in her class that was consistently hurting other kids and was violent, what would I do? If the school refused to take any action towards him (ie: get him full-time para support, remove him from the classroom, etc.), I would be furious. I would be camped out in the superintendent's office demanding something be done...or there'd be legal action. Just like he has a right to a "free and appropriate public education", Maelin has a right to be safe in school.

I was just talking to one of the other teachers about this and she was apologizing for my awful year...too many kids, not enough materials, no support for the troubled kids, etc. She made a comment that our building currently has over 622 kids: that's more than both middle schools in our district. She thought our building was designed for no more than 450. Because they are cutting services and support every day, what is a classroom teacher left with?

Not much...except a child in my room who just threw his book across the room at another kid and tripped one and is now coming after me. With no one to call for help.

I ask you to think about that the next time you're tempted to criticize public school teachers.

Wow

2010-04-10T16:07:00.002-06:00

My cousin Allie took this picture on Easter while I was playing with Maelin...I LOVE it. :-)

Lack of Interest

2010-03-21T21:52:00.002-06:00

Tried to write this 5 different times and stopped because I just can't find my voice. So...instead of a written post letting you all know what's been going on with Maelin's new big-girl-bed, the new cat we inherited from my mom, and a thousand other things, you're going to get a few recent pictures of Maelin.

Much easier for me to do. So I hope you enjoy.

Maelin Takes a Bath

2010-03-11T22:39:00.002-07:00

She moves pretty fast so it's hard to grab a picture of her that isn't blurry, but this one is pretty cute. She's busy enjoying her bath...

MIchelle Sings to my Mom

2010-03-08T00:05:00.002-07:00

We played this at my mom's memorial yesterday.

?

2010-03-03T15:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to write here. My mom has been gone for 7 days now and I'm still struggling to understand exactly how that happened. Why didn't the doctors know sooner how sick she was? Why her? Why us? So many questions...

For those of you who have sent messages, thank you so much. Every single text, email, message has been read and appreciated and most of them have brought a tear to my eyes. (or more than one). It seems to come and hit me in waves...some moments I'm fine, and others...well.

Today has been a hard day. I'm busy arranging the funeral and memorial services and still trying to take good care of my very busy 2 year old. I realized yesterday that her birthday is quickly approaching so I better get on the plans for that. Life does go on, it seems...

Funeral is Saturday. I hope that will bring my family and I some closure and we can start the process of moving on. I'm not sure what that would look like except that we breathe in and out each day and go to sleep and get up and do it again.

I hope to be back writing for this as soon as I can. In the meantime...I'm breathing.

Michelle Sings Good-Bye to my Mom

2010-02-22T21:56:00.002-07:00

One of my mom's really good friends wrote and sang this song for her. It touched my heart and soul and I hope it does you too...

Saying Good-Bye to my Mom

2010-02-20T12:30:00.002-07:00

I'm cutting and pasting the post my sister just wrote about what's been going on in the last week because I just don't have the strength to write about it myself. I hope you all send some thoughts our way as this is the hardest, but most peaceful, thing I've ever had to do. Please click here to get the full story.

50th in the Nation

2010-02-07T16:12:00.003-07:00

I'm starting out this post with this sobering news for teachers that was released recently:

...And just this week, Education Week released the Quality Counts report that provides snapshots of nationwide school finance data. Again reported in Great Education Colorado, the news is bad for our state:

We're continuing "the Colorado trajectory" -- falling farther behind the nation and other states that are competing with us for jobs, economic development opportunities and educators.

Here's a comparison of the 2008, 2009, and 2010 Quality Counts data (note that because of the lag in available data, the new statistics are based on 2007 expenditures -- that is, before the current recession):

Per pupil funding, adjusted for regional cost differences:

2008: 38th nationally

2009: 40th

2010: 42nd

Per pupil spending (adjusted for regional cost differences) compared to U.S. Average:

2008: $1,034 below the national average

2009: $1,449 below the national average

2010: $1,919 below the national average

Rank in teacher pay parity (i.e., how teacher salaries compare to salaries in comparable professions):

2008: 43rd

2010: 50th

That's the context for the current legislative session -- where cuts of at least an average $440 per pupil are virtually certain for the coming school year.

~ Great Education Colorado, January 26

So...pretty depressing news for those of us who have dedicated our professional lives to trying to improve public education in a way that we believe would best serve our kiddos. Colorado is projected to be 50th in the nation in terms of paying teachers a comparable salary to other people with the same amount of education. That is just awesome.

It's always interesting to me when schools try to get taxpayers to give them more money by putting a two or three cent tax increase on every $10 spent. These tax increases usually fail and a lot of the reasons that are cited for this is; "Schools suck anyway...more money isn't going to help" or "I don't have kids so I don't need to help pay for my neighborhood schools" or my favorite, "Schools have all the money they need...they're just mismanaged."

I'll tell you something about my school. We had to cut two full-time teachers this year making our 5th grade class sizes insane. There are about 35 kids in each of the 5th grade classes making for a classroom management nightmare. I have 28 kids in my 2nd grade class right now and I'd like you to imagine the amount of individual attention each one of them gets. It's not a whole lot. We've cut technology services so it takes about 2 months for any computer issue to be resolved. Imagine how often the kids get computer time with that issue. There are no after-school programs anymore, no new equipment, no field trips this year due to budget cuts. The high school alone has lost 15 professional teachers (that means teachers who have been teaching for 5 years or more) to other professions due to being overworked and underpaid. The high school had to scramble to fill those positions and they are staffed with whoever they could get. There are many other examples, but this post would be way too long.

So for those of you here in Colorado that constantly are complaining about the quality of public education, who talk about how you're going to send your kids to private schools or charters, who make jokes about how teachers just hang out in schools and don't do anything due to tenure...

I have a phrase for you: "You get what you pay for."

Thank You for the Christmas Gifts!

2010-01-25T22:15:00.006-07:00

This post is shockingly late, but not for lack of appreciation. The only thing I can claim is life got in the way of my sending you a proper and prompt "Thank You" from the bottom of my heart for all you did to help my kiddos for Christmas. Here is a bit from the letters:

"...thank you for the scool suppliz! now mi mom and me can do mi homework!"

"...thank you for the shoes and glovs becuz my hands wont get cold playing in the sno."

"...I really needed a coat and gloves and now I have them and I want to thank you so much because I really needed them and socks too so thank you! It was the nicest day in all of the days."

"...I was so excited to get the toys and gloves and hats and shirts and books and crayons and all the other things because I needed those things like really really bad. my friends needed them too and now we have them and it was my best and favorite day."

"...I neded the soesz bekuz my toz stuk out of my old soesz."

"..it was my best day when we got the prezents and my mom cryed when she saw the prezents."

So to all of you who forwarded my email, sent a check or a gift card, or sent supplies, books, or just a card, we now have 110 very happy 2nd graders due to your spirit, generosity, and love. Words can't express how grateful we are to all of you so hopefully some of the attached pictures might. Please forward this post on to anyone who I may have missed.

Happy New Year to all of you!

Maelin Sings to Baby Omari

2010-01-23T08:54:00.002-07:00

We got to help babysit our friend's 3 month old little boy last night and Maelin is totally in love with him. Here is a quick video of her singing to him...

Still Here

2010-01-13T21:01:00.002-07:00

So this has probably been the longest I have ever gone between posting something so I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here. We've been having quite a few weeks between having lots of family come to visit for the holidays to me coming down with strep throat to crazy times getting back to work to some issues that have taken all of us out of commission for a while.

Suffice it to say, we are all fine and still kicking. I will be back at it soon and I promise to post about the gifts that my kids received, about Christmas, our wonderful visitors, the latest happenings at school, and a few other stories. Until then, thanks for checking back and happy 2010!

Here's a recent picture of our little one with my cousin Peter who was visiting for New Years. I promise more of Christmas, my classroom and all sorts of stuff coming soon!

THANK YOU for the Christmas Help!

2009-12-16T21:20:00.001-07:00

On the eve of the "Big Gift Day", I just wanted to quickly say THANK YOU to everyone who sent a gift card, sent clothes, mailed cash and even dropped off supplies and gifts without even leaving me a name so I could thank you personally. Thanks to your generosity, your kindness, your activism, and your spirit, over 100 kids will be having a day tomorrow that they'll never forget. We were able to get over 100 kids the following items:

Hats, Gloves, Scarfs
Socks
Shoes
Blankets
Toys
Books
School Supplies
Coats
Playground Equipment
Sweatshirts/Hoodies/Sweaters

We even have enough funds left over to get a set of flash cards for each kiddo to take home with them. Words aren't going to be able to describe the joy on their faces tomorrow when Sgt. Alex and his unit from the Air Force arrive to give us all these gifts and they open all of the donated items, so be on the lookout for the pictures.

You all are proof that even in this economy, angels are alive and well and the other 2nd grade teachers and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Merry Christmas!

Mara

Christmas Time Comes But Once A Year...

2009-12-09T22:42:00.003-07:00

...and thank goodness for it. I'm so crazed...trying to organize the holiday gift drive for the entire 2nd grade, working, dealing with Mae and the terrible two's, and just life in general has got me totally exhausted. So...hence the lack of recent posts to this site.

Here a few pictures of the holiday happenings as of today. I'm sure we'll have more to post soon (as as soon as xmas break rolls around, I'll have more time to do it) so keep checking back!

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What I Am Thankful For...

2009-11-26T22:45:00.006-07:00

My wordless Thanksgiving post...

"I Don't Need Anything, Except Some Shoes."

2009-11-16T21:13:00.005-07:00

Those of you who have been following this blog for a while probably remember the amazing, heartwarming story last Christmas of the outpouring of generosity and love I received for the students in my class. If you don't remember, or you're a new reader, click here for the rundown of what happened last year.

I decided I wasn't going to sit back and watch my kids go through another holiday season receiving absolutely nothing. I was going to try to make a difference (it's why I do what I do, after all) and at least try to do something about it.

And it worked. Oh my gosh, it worked. That day last year in my classroom will forever go down as one of the greatest days in my life.

Well, here we are again. This year might even be more desperate than last year due to the economy and budget cuts everywhere you turn. In a nutshell: I work in a very impoverished school district. Over 95% of our kiddos qualify for the free and reduced lunch program. We have a huge homeless population and have many kids who only eat at school every day. I had been tossing around the idea of trying to organize this whole gift thing again and the thought of it was a bit exhausting. It was so much work last year (totally worth it), and I just didn't know if I had it in me again this time around.

However, two things happened that changed my mind. The first is my wonderful friend Sgt. Alex contacted me and said he and his base wants to contribute this year again to my students...but they want to make it bigger! They want to get gifts to the entire 2nd grade! When he called me and told me that, I thought if he is willing to go to all that trouble for kiddos he's never even met, then I can surely do my part as well. The second thing that changed my mind is what follows: we had our 2nd graders write some letters to Santa asking for what they would like for Christmas. If it's even possible, they are even sadder this year than they were last. Here are a few excerpts from them: (I'm not going to edit anything they say...typos and all)

"I nide food for my famli beause my dad has a boss woo doesnt want him to work anymor."

"...a penciles and an eraser because I have none."

"...two pair of shoos because my are ripet on the botom. I also need a bed because I never had one."

"...I would like some pencils because I am allmost done and I only hav the one pencil. I want a cote and a good life. It is hard."

"...I don't want nothing but my sider needs a coat."

"...a Hannah Montana doll because it is fun to play with dolls and I've always wanted one but only mi sister has a doll and when I wanted a doll mi mom said we didn't have enuf money yet for a doll."

"...I neeb food and socks becaue my socks all have holls."

"......I need some new sock and shoes because mine sock are riped back at home."

"...and I want a good book to read at my house."

"...I want to hav shoes and cluz for my sister and me."

"...I would please like to have some more frute and some glofs because I did not have some before."

"...I don't need anything but please get my teacher Mssis Corzine some books for the classroom because we ripped her books."

Now this is just a few of the replies. Imagine 110 letters...almost every single one of them is just like this. I've actually got tears in my eyes as I sit here in my nice warm house, working on my laptop, tripping over all of Maelin's toys and I can't even fathom what it would be like as a parent to not be able to afford fruit for my child. Or shoes. Or a pencil. Or socks. Or not be able to bundle them up in a coat when it's cold outside. To watch them trudge away in ripped socks, holey shoes and no coat when it's 20 degrees outside.

So again, I'm making my passionate plea to all of you: you were so incredibly generous last year and I'm hoping we can get even a fraction of that again this year. Here's the deal: We'll take anything EXCEPT cash/checks. Gift cards to Wal-Mart would be the most helpful because we could trade them in for gifts and the Wal-Mart here in Commerce City gives us tax-exempt status. We'd also love any chapter books, school supplies, etc. I will take care of making sure every child in the entire 2nd grade will get something new this Christmas.

Please send what you can to:

Alsup Elementary School
c/o Mara Corzine
7101 Birch Street
Commerce City, CO 80022

I'll need everything in the school by December 14 so I can have time to wrap and distribute. Again, thank you for caring about these kids. Anything you can send us will be greatly appreciated!! Let's show these kids that people do care about them and that they matter!!

Halloween 2009...Our Cranky Little Witch

2009-11-16T20:17:00.007-07:00

Halloween has come and gone again this year...and again, Maelin was pretty sick for it. If you'll remember Halloween last year, she did not feel good for most of it but was able to rally enough to enjoy trick-or-treating like the little trooper that she is. Exactly the same thing this year. The poor little thing had come down with a double ear infection and general fever/grumpiness. It was so sad. Plus...we were hit with a pretty big snowstorm about 3 days before so it was pretty chilly.

Nonetheless...armed with Auntie Kat, Uncle Jeff, Elmo and our handmade-by-Grandma Lea-Witch-Costume, we headed out to trick-or-treat. Honestly, Mae didn't care that much about knocking on doors and getting candy. She was much more excited about being allowed to walk in the street. Naturally, we never let her do that so it was a pretty big deal for her. We knocked on exactly 2 doors before she got so feisty about the whole business, we just gave up and walked around the block. Then we got home and tried to stop Uncle from stealing all of Maelin's candy (one of the pics of this is below...she's like, "Dude..stop stealing my candy!")

The biggest thing I want to remember about Halloween is how much fun each holiday is becoming. We're slowly creating our own traditions with our little one and she's starting to understand what's going on so much better. Every day it seems she's changed a bit more, learned something new, and responds so much better to what's going on around her. She's the absolute light of my life and I'm so excited for what's next...except I wish she'd slow down the growing up just a bit.

PTA: Not For Parents Anymore

2009-11-10T21:30:00.002-07:00

All the research proves it and you don't have to go far to find it. I'm talking about the fact that the number one factor in whether or not kids succeed in school is the amount of parental involvement.

According to researchers Karen Smith Conway (professor of economics at the University of New Hampshire) and Andrew Houtenville (senior research associate at New Editions Consulting), parental involvement has a strong, positive effect on student achievement.

“Parental effort is consistently associated with higher levels of achievement, and the magnitude of the effect of parental effort is substantial,” Conway said. “We found that schools would need to increase per-pupil spending by more than $1,000 in order to achieve the same results that are gained with parental involvement.”

(Click here for an excellent article by the Michigan Department of Education on the research-based benefits of strong parental involvement in schools.)

So after spending thousands of dollars and over 9 years attaining my BA and MA in Education and Psychology, after spending countless hours in workshops, classes and professional development seminars, and after spending days, weeks, months, years and my heart and soul teaching kids, I found myself at my school's monthly PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) meeting tonight. I am one of the teachers delegated to be a representative and I believe strongly in the positive affects that a strong PTA can have on a community. Especially one of our social-economic status.

I was exhausted: I've worked all day and Maelin has been having a hard time lately. There's been extra drama we've all been dealing with and she's been going through a "Mommy Stage" lately. Sandra literally had to yank her off of me this morning so I could get to work on time. She was grabbing my neck and screaming, "Momma...Momma...don't leave you!" and sobbing hysterically. Needless to say, I cried all the way to work.

But I digress. So there I was at the PTA meeting with 2 other teachers, the principal, the school secretary and the assistant principal. We have been advertising this meeting for weeks: it's on the school marquee sign, it's in the monthly and weekly newsletters, we put stickers on each kid on the day of the meeting to remind the parents and we send home PTA brochures in English and in Spanish at least 3 times a year inviting everyone and anyone to please come join us.

We have a school population of about 595. Guess how many parents were at the PTA tonight?

Three. There were 3 parents there. The President, the Secretary and the Treasurer. That's it folks. Not a single parent came besides the officers. Not a one.

Oh, there's many reasons for this. Lots of our parents work 2, 3, or even 4 jobs. We offer free baby-sitting so the parents know they could bring the kids and we'll watch them for you, so that's not the issue. Some parents don't have transportation to get there...but our school is smack-dab in the middle of a ton of houses where I know for a fact our kiddos live, so it's not that far of a walk. We also provide translation services so if a Spanish-speaking parent wanted to come, everything would be translated.

So what's the problem? I wish I knew.

It's really hard to get behind the government's push to create better schools, hire better teachers, raise test scores when I KNOW that if we could just get the darn parents to support their child and the school, our scores would skyrocket! There's nothing I can do about that...except to continue to provide food for the PTA meetings.

And then bring all the uneaten leftovers to the teacher's lounge for lunch the next day because even though we hoped and hoped that at least a couple of parents will show up...the teachers are the only ones there. That's right. We care about your child's education. We're there till 8pm even if you're not. We will continue to hope that maybe one day...all that food will be eaten.

Pumpkin Patch 2009

2009-11-01T21:35:00.004-07:00

Our annual trip to the Cottonwood Farms in Boulder was last weekend...just before the big snowstorm hit. If you've been following this blog for a while, you'll remember we've taken Maelin to this pumpkin patch every year since she was a baby and we all love it. It's quickly becoming a favorite Halloween tradition.

This year was actually more fun than past years because Maelin is such a busy little girl now. She didn't stand still for more than two seconds and had so much fun pulling the wagon and running through the hay maze with Uncle Jeff and Boppy. She tried to get her own pumpkin (it was just a bit too heavy for her so Daddy found one that was just the right size), tried to eat it, waved at everyone, patted the animals, played with the kittens, mooed at the cow, played in the dirt, yelled and screamed and had a fabulous time.

Gosh she's fun. We are so lucky to have her. Here are a few pics from our day. Enjoy!

North Pole Daredevil

2009-10-18T21:22:00.003-06:00

I'm officially terrified. My daughter is a daredevil. At 2 years old, she's more gutsy than even I am. She's totally into thrills, living on the edge, pushing the limits, etc.

I knew this a while ago of course, but since she's only 36 inches tall, it's hard to actually test out my daredevil theory. However, in light of recent events, I have no choice but to admit the truth:

Maelin is going to grow up to be an acrobat, a rock-climber, a snowboarder, a gymnast, a scuba-diver...anything that will give me a heart attack and will give her a bit of a thrill.

I first noticed this tendency when she was about 9 months old. We lived near a park that had a merry-go-round (not many parks have them anymore) and I would put my baby in the middle of it and slowly spin it around. She'd laugh and laugh so I'd make it go a bit faster. Even more laughing. Then I'd really just spin the heck out of it and she would be in hysterics. Okay, I thought. So the child enjoys spinning. Not much wrong with that.

Last spring when I took her to Disneyland, we went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Now that ride is in total darkness at times and has two pretty good drops. She was 22 months old and I took her on it expecting her to like it but also be a bit freaked out. Nope. The girl LOVED it. She loved the dark, she loved the drops, she loved all of it. Giggled and giggled and kept yelling "More!"

Over the summer, I would take her swimming and would hang out with her in the shallow end of the pool. Oh, she did alright down there for a while but when she saw the big kids jumping in the deep end, she made a beeline right for where they were and what they were doing. It was crazy: I'd stand in the water and she would just run right into the pool: it wouldn't have mattered if I was standing there ready to catch her or not. She LOVED the feeling of falling and had no fear whatsoever.

So this past weekend, we decided to take her to the North Pole. It's over an hour away so we loaded up the car very early on a Saturday and headed down. It was a beautiful fall day and as the park is in the mountains, we knew it was going to be a bit colder up there. Papa Dan, Auntie Heather, Ryan, Cole and Auntie Kat came along too. I was very excited to see how Maelin liked the rides. I had a feeling she might just love the fast ones, but you never know the mood a 2 year old is going to be in...

The child is insane. She LOVED the fast rides: the faster the better. Even when older kids were crying and begging for the ride to stop (which was actually pretty sad), Maelin was laughing and squealing and yelling and couldn't have been happier. At one point, I had ridden the Sea Dragon ride 2 times with her (while she was laughing the entire time), and I was about ready to lose my lunch. There was no way I could ride it again. As it was coming to a stop, she totally started crying and sobbing: she didn't want to get off! Bless Auntie Kat's iron stomach because she rode it two more times with Maelin: even putting their hands up in while they were way up high.

It was finally time to get her off the darn ride and I had to pull her off of it sobbing and yelling, "No no no no!" Then as soon as I got her calmed down, she ran right back to the gate of the ride and stared up at it wistfully. It was the funniest thing.

So every time I toss her high in the air, or give her a huge push on the swing set, I know what I'm setting up my little girl for. She's going to be a thrill-seeker.

Big sigh.

More Family!!

2009-10-14T13:18:00.007-06:00

My mom lives in MN now and although we miss having her here, she's been really good at coming out to CO to visit whenever she can. She usually comes for 3 day weekends and we love having her.

However, we had to give up our usual visit from her this fall. She is about 60ish now and not in the best health although she is a real trooper. She has never had any family to speak of. In fact, the entire time we were growing up, we never met a brother or aunt or anyone. Her mom and younger brother had died when she was young (her brother died of polio and her mom died when she was 16) and she was estranged from her father. She had another older brother out there somewhere that she had lost track of over the years and had no idea how to go about finding him...so she never did.

We just accepted the fact that mom was alone in the world. My dad's family "adopted" her, so-to-speak, and they still consider her part of their family even though my mom and dad have been divorced for years.

Fast forward to last April. My mom was out visiting for Maelin's 2nd birthday and we had some friends over. Mom wanted me to show her Facebook and what it can do. So I pulled up my page and showed her pictures of all my friends and family on there and showed her how neat it was to be able to find all these people from the past that I had no idea how to find previously. She thought it was pretty cool. Then we asked her, "Mom, isn't there someone you'd like to find? Maybe someone from high school or from when you lived in Chicago?"

She was quiet for a few minutes and then said with a very hopeful smile, "I'd love to find my brother Mike. He's older than I am so I don't think he'd be on Spacebook or FaceSpace, or whatever, but let's try him." So she gave me his first and last name and viola! He popped right up!

I showed his profile picture to my mom. She was completely silent. I asked her if she thought that was him. She said she didn't know...it had been almost 40 years since she'd seen him so she wasn't sure. I told her I'd send him a "are you who we think you are?" note and just see. The worst that would happen would be he would ignore us, right? Oh, but my family is quite drama-filled. It wasn't that easy. Mom was worried that we had found him and he'd ignore us and then she'd lose her family all over again. She was very nervous when I wrote the note and hit the "send" button...

Turns out, we shouldn't have worried. It WAS my uncle Mike that we had found on Facebook that night and he answered my note quickly and seemed excited that we had found him. We had family we knew nothing about! We were all very excited and my brother, sister and I quickly "friended" him and started catching up with each other.

My mom and my uncle have been slowly getting to know each other again. 40 years is a lot of ground to cover especially when everyone is so busy. They email and talk on Skype and call but they really wanted to see each other. I wanted to meet him and his wife Linda too. I think family is one of the most important things in the world and I am so excited to find out we have more!

So last weekend, we made the jaunt out to meet our family. It was a bit surreal because here are in essence, total strangers but it wasn't like that at all. I felt immediately comfortable and at home with them. The "blood is thicker than water" adage is very true. My mom was so happy and excited to finally have some of her family back after being alone for so long and we all had a great time. We ate too much, drank a bit, watched some football and just got to know each other. It was a lovely weekend.

This is the reason my mom won't be coming out to visit us this fall. We'll see her for Christmas. However, instead of feeling a loss that she won't be able to play with Maelin in the leaves, I'm feeling more contented about my mom than I have in years. She finally has some family. That's worth so much more than any words could say.

Here are a few pics of my mom, my Aunt Linda, my Uncle Mike and I. We had such a nice time with them (and with their doggies!) and I can't wait to see them again soon.

A New Family Member????

2009-10-07T21:24:00.003-06:00

I should be writing report cards now as they are due on Friday and I haven't even started them yet...

but this story couldn't wait. I went to pick up Maelin today from Sandra's house and as usual, they were in the backyard playing. They live in a pretty impoverished neighborhood so you tend to see all sorts of interesting things when you go over there. I've gotten pretty used to the stray animals running around, the weird cars, the loud music, etc. Anyway, Sandra's son (who's 8) was playing with an adorable gray kitten in the backyard and Maelin was squealing with laughter watching him.

I asked Sandra who's kitten that was and between my poor Spanish, her English (which she's getting pretty good at!) and her son helping us, I found out that this kitten has been coming around for about a week and they have no idea who it belongs to. I mentioned that I was worried about leaving it because it's supposed to get pretty cold tonight and snow and they said that worried them too so they were going to set up a crate under their trampoline for it to help keep it warm.

If you've read any of my previous posts, you KNOW I just can't leave an animal when I think it may not be safe and I have an opportunity to do something to help. So I swooped that little kitty up and told Sandra I would take it home and to keep an eye out for posters or whatever till we decide what to do with it. Maelin couldn't believe her luck that the kitty was coming in the car with us!

That kitty is the sweetest darn thing you've ever seen. On our way home on the noisy highway, you'd imagine the cat would be freaking out and meowing and scratching and losing it. Nope. That kitten got in the backseat right onto Maelin's lap (much to her delight!) and promptly fell asleep for the entire 30 minute car drive home. Here's a couple pictures of Kitty with MaeMae. She was thrilled!

We've set Kitty up in our spare bedroom for now. He gobbled down some food and water and has been sleeping most of the night. Uncle Jeff has decided after a 30 minute visit that he just might like another kitty himself. Aunt Kat isn't so sure but admits this cat is pretty darn sweet. Kevin was very apprehensive when I called him from the road and told him the "Guess what?" story but he even admits that the kitty is pretty adorable and may just consent to keep him. He even told Jeff, "You may have to fight me for him." hee hee.

I'm not sure where Kitty is going. We're going to put up a sign and post him on craigslist and see what happens. For now, Maelin is excited that she has a new friend that loves her and makes her laugh. I'm happy because I was able to do something small to make the world a bit better. The Kitty is happy because he's sleeping on a nice bed and has food and isn't shivering in the snow tonight...

and oh, Maelin wants to name him "Gato." Her other suggestion was "Food." (Kat and I think if we keep him, we'll name him "Cullen" after...of course!)

Wordless Monday Picture

2009-10-05T20:51:00.003-06:00

LOVE this pic...thanks to my friend Maura for taking it!

School Answering Machine Message

2009-10-02T11:45:00.002-06:00

This is the funniest thing I've come across in a long time so I had to post it here for all of you. Make sure your sound is on!

Australian School answering machine message
This is the message that the Maroochydore High School, Queensland, Australia, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absence.

Click Here

When is Enough...Enough?

2009-09-28T20:14:00.003-06:00

Confusing title, I know. But hear me out...

I have a hard time knowing when enough is enough. My friends will tell you that they have had to resort to kicking me or giving me a swift hit when I'm talking about something that I'm passionate about but it's either not the time or the place to mention it.

I try really hard. I do. However...

When something is going on that I know as a professional, a mom or just a good human being isn't right, I have a really hard time staying quiet about it if I feel there's a chance I can control the outcome. I've been thinking about why this is...why do I have such a need to help the underdog, save the world, make a difference, not just be quiet when it's politically correct to do so, not play the game, etc.? I think it's because no one did it for me when I was young.

We grew up in a very loving family but like all families, we had our problems. Many of our friends and other family members knew what was going on but NO ONE said anything to help us out. No one did anything to help. As children, my brother, sisters and I were left on our own to forge some sort of normalcy and routine to our dysfunctional existence. I remember feeling alone. I remember feeling abandoned. I remember wondering why this was up to us to fix when there were so many grownups around who knew what was happening but no one seemed to care enough to step in and do anything to help us.

So now I've got a bee in my bonnet. When I feel that is happening to another child (it's usually a kid but my siblings and I have been known to have an unnatural reaction to animals in trouble as well), I have a very hard time staying quiet about it. I do not want to be the adult that a child depended on and I was too busy or didn't want to get involved or thought it wasn't any of my business to help them out. So sometimes I get too noisy about what I think is right for the kid. I also get too noisy to the wrong people.

So when is enough...enough? When do I take a step back and ask myself if saving these kids from (what's screaming at my professional self) a bad education or an unfair situation that I may or may not have the power to do something about? Is it worth putting my job at risk? Is it worth losing money over? Is it worth my personal sanity? Is it worth my sleep at night? My mental health? These are questions that I know the answers to but are pretty scary to admit.

So I'm trying hard to remember that I can't save the world. I can't save every child from a bad home life. I can't make every kid in my class have the education that I think they deserve because I'm fighting their own demons, the restrictions and expectations of the school district and a million other factors. However...

I can be their voice. I can be the voice that no one ever was for my siblings and I. Maybe when one child grows up, they will be able to look back and say that not every adult in their life was quiet. Maybe they'll remember someone talking for them and trying to help. Maybe they'll feel less alone, less abandoned.

So that would be enough.

They Grow Up So Fast...

2009-09-23T21:00:00.005-06:00

Sigh. Big sigh. I'm still trying to adjust to the beginning of this school year so I haven't had much time to blog lately. It seems like I'm always 2-3 days behind at work. With 28 kiddos, I'm constantly trying to keep with with grading, lesson plans, recording and gathering data, and hundreds of other tasks that keep me in motion from the minute I step foot into school till the second I leave.

One of the blessings of being that busy at work is I rarely have time to think too much about Maelin and how much I'm missing her while I'm gone. She's been having a great time at daycare: she has a few new friends there now. Baby Carson is the 8 month old son of a colleague at work and there are other random little people that come and go that Maelin totally adores.

I pulled out the video camera tonight to capture some of Maelin's antics while we were playing. It hit me just what a big girl she is. She isn't a baby any longer. She's totally potty-trained now. We were able to do that about a month ago and it took her a total of 4 days to get it...with only 1 accident. She's pretty consistent now and only has an accident once a week or so. She knows how to spell her name. She can sing all of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "ABC's", "When You Wish Upon a Star", amongst other songs. She can do a very wobbly somersault. She told me yesterday that she wanted a "Baby Carson at Mae-Mae's house." (hmmmmmm...to that one). She's learning how to write her name and she recognizes it when she sees it in print. She was eating and LOVING hot sauce with her chips at the Mexican restaurant the other night. She has her favorite books memorized, can count to 50, paints pictures, knows all the sounds the letters make...I could go on and on.

Our little girl (I have to accept the fact that I no longer have a baby girl) is almost 2 1/2 years old already. How did that happen? She's so big and wonderful and is the absolute light of my life. She has gotten big so quickly and although I'm loving every single minute with her, I'm also trying to be as present as possible during it because of how very fast this is flying by.

Our little one is growing so fast...blink and you miss it.

Wordless Wednesday Picture

2009-09-16T17:16:00.002-06:00

I'm at Parent-Teacher Conferences right now and have exactly 8 minutes before my next one so I thought I'd put a picture of Maelin with her Daddy up. We went to Tiny Town last weekend (the 4th time for us, the 1st time for Daddy...) and Mae had a blast riding the train, running around the buildings, and just being outside and allowed to scream as much as she wants.

And oh, the popcorn was nice too. :-)

So here's a picture of Maelin on the train with Daddy. I think he had as much fun as she did...

Why I'm Still Teaching...

2009-09-10T15:10:00.003-06:00

This has been a really rough year so far. I haven't been posting much because I haven't wanted to complain. Also, I'm totally exhausted after spending all day with 29 kiddos and then coming home and being "Mama" to a pretty demanding 2 year old.

This year has tested pretty much every ideal about teaching that I have. I've had to question whether or not I want to stay in my district because of the direction they are going, if I feel I can still be successful in spite of the huge class size I'm facing, if I think Maelin is still thriving in daycare, and tons of other reasons that have exhausted me every day this year but have nothing to do with this current post.

I went into the office today to complain about one of my behavior problem kids. This kid is going to test every iota of patience and knowledge that I have this year. He was born addicted to meth and there's just not a lot of research out there to help us fully address all his needs. Add that to the fact that our special ed team is basically non-existent this year and I'm on my own with him. Add 28 other kiddos to that mix and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyway, I was in a very bad mood and I happened to check my mailbox. There was a photocopy of a writing assignment inside. Obviously, another teacher had assigned a writing assignment and had copied the result and placed it in my box. (mental note: thank her tomorrow). This is what I read:

"Special People: Mrs. Corzine
Mrs. Corzine has always been there for me. When I went through good times and bad times. When I have a problem she's the one that's always there to help me solve them. She was my brothers teacher and also mine. She was my second grade teacher. She's the nicest teacher I've had. I love her. I go visit her in the morning to help her around. I just wish she was still my teacher. Plus I never leave without giving her a hug. My mom and me always bake her a cake for her birthday because it's on Valentines Day. Mrs. Corzine will always and forever be my favorite teacher."

by Litzy

This is from a 4th grader. I had her 2 years ago and I had her brother 4 years ago. Of course I remember her and love her (as I do almost all my old students) but I NEVER thought I'd affected her this much.

Teaching is a thankless profession. We go to work every day, pay our student loans, accept the criticisms of society on everything we do wrong and are still expected to do it perfectly every day. Well, we're not perfect. We stumble, we fall, we yell. We are ashamed of the times we lose our cool and proud of the times we actually were able to get through to a student. However, most of the time, we're not sure anything we ever say makes a difference.

Today was a day that I felt what I do every day actually matters. I feel like this little girl will grow into the person she's meant to be partly because of me. I feel like some of values and love I gave her every day actually stuck. She'll remember me as she grows and hopefully (crossing fingers here) will beat the odds of poverty and immigration and she'll come back to visit me in 15 years as the first Mexican Female Senator of Colorado. Or a Civil Rights Lawyer. Or a doctor.

Or a teacher.

I can dream. That's why I'm still teaching. For this dream. A little bit of it was realized today.

Wordless Tuesday Picture

2009-08-25T21:21:00.003-06:00

Our little goof cracking herself up over her "toots" in the tub...silly little thing.

Very Hard Start to School

2009-08-22T07:28:00.002-06:00

My positive attitude about school is still here...but I'm finding it harder and harder to keep it. My class is actually great this year. I have a crazy mix of kiddos who can't even recognize the letters in their own name, to kids who are reading at a 4th grade level. I have kiddos who don't speak any English, to kids who are identified Gifted and Talented. I have a kid who was born addicted to meth and therefore incredibly mentally impaired, to a kid who is probably the smartest 2nd grader I've ever seen.

Should make for an interesting school year...

Yesterday was rough. I have 29 kids this year and that's a crazy amount for a primary classroom. Research shows that 18 is the optimal number for kids who are still learning how to read and write. Our curriculum is late arriving this year so we don't have enough books or materials. My computers are all broken and no one seems to know when someone will be in to fix them so I can't set up my technology for the kids to use. I'm going to a training next week (which is insane that they scheduled it for us) so I have to create 3 days of sub plans and hope that the kids haven't lost all the rules when I get back.

And...

My car was spray-painted in the parking lot yesterday. We left around 12 to go get lunch (we didn't have kids yesterday...all the kids in the district were off), and I walked by my car to get into my friend's car. When we got back around 12:45, this is what I saw:

I was shocked. Speechless. WHO would do that? We called the cops and they think that some punk kid (probably a middle-schooler as it's right across the street) started to tag my car with something awful and was scared away. I'm lucky it isn't worse. However, we don't have the $250 to fix it so I'm thinking about just going to Hobby Lobby and buying some red paint and touching it up myself. What do you think about that??? :-)

We're off to go camping this weekend with my family to get away for a bit. I'm excited: Maelin LOVES the mountains and we haven't been able to get up there as much as I would like. She'll be able to play with her cousins and Uncle and Auntie and have a great time...and I'll get to sit and watch the river and the campfire and try to forget (if even for a night) about the paint and the challenges that await me.

...and the painting I need to do.

Oh School...

2009-08-11T21:12:00.002-06:00

I've been back for two days now and I'm happy to report that I'm doing pretty well! Yes, the heat was on till this morning, making yesterday absolutely unbearable. Yes, I have 29 students registered right now...could drop OR could go higher. Yes, I don't have enough desks or chairs. Yes, we don't have enough reading materials for all these kiddos so they're going to have to share. Yes, none of my computers are still loaded with all the programs I used last year so I'm going to have to spend hours reloading them, and yes, my room is so crowded (even without the new desks), it's really hard to even move around.

However...

My team is working really well together this year. Not sure what the difference is: maybe we finally realized how important it is to help each other out, instead of isolating ourselves. Anyway, we've split up a lot of the work this fall making an easier ride for all of us. It's really nice.

Another nice change is how clean my room was when I came back. This is the first year in 6 years that I didn't have to spend 2 full days just unpacking, cleaning, organizing, moving furniture, etc. There were a couple bulletin boards I had to create, a few posters to draw and a couple boxes to unpack and that's it! Instead of doing manual labor, I was able to sit and create a few behavior plans and start creating lessons...which is what a classroom teacher SHOULD be spending the first few days of school doing!

We have all day Wednesday in our classrooms and we have a bunch of meetings scheduled and then 1/3 of the kids come on Thurs, 1/3 on Friday, and 1/3 on Monday. Then the first "Full" day of school is Tuesday. We spend Th, F and M doing assessments and tests to see where the kiddos are at. I'll be getting quite a few who speak no English at all, so that will be interesting. I'm curious to see how this bunch of kiddos compare to previous years...

Oh, and by the way: Maelin is doing great at Sandra's house. We have a new baby over there: Baby Carson, the 8 month old son of a friend of mine. She LOVES playing with him...when she's not outside playing in the dirt. Today when I picked her up, Mae was playing in the dirt in the front yard and was filthy. She was using a beer cap to scoop dirt onto a toy car. Completely absorbed and could have cared less I was there. Makes me happy she has such a fun time while I'm working...

Thanks for all the phone calls and emails: Mae and I are going fine!

Back to School...Already?!?

2009-08-09T14:30:00.002-06:00

Sigh...those of you who have been following this blog for a while are probably tired of these posts. "Oh yay, here's Mara crying about having to leave Maelin while she goes back to work. She's lucky she gets so much time off at all, blah, blah."

I know, I know.

I'm determined to make this year different. Maelin is thriving in daycare, Kevin and I made a plan for him to help out around the house more this year, I've been working on some work things that might make the start of the year a bit easier and as long as the HEAT is turned off in my classroom (oh yes...it's 94 degrees out right now and on Friday, the heat was on in my room and no one knew when it would be turned off), I'm getting excited about the new school year!

Yes, I'm going to have more students this year than ever before. There aren't even enough desks in the building for all of them. Yes, we got rid of the bilingual program so lots of our kiddos aren't going to speak any English. Yes, our CSAP scores are wayyyyyyy down this year and that creates a lot of pressure for all of us to get our kids to proficiency. Yes, we aren't getting a raise this year due to budget cuts. Yes, we lost quite a few of our finest teachers last year to other districts, and yes, this is one of the hardest jobs anyone will ever do.

However...I'm optimistic. I've received personal emails from some of my students this summer asking how I'm doing, how is Maelin, they miss me, they can't wait to come back, etc. That wouldn't be happening if I wasn't touching them in some way...affecting their lives positively in some aspect.

As long as I can continue to do that (even on a small scale), and Maelin continues to love learning Spanish and loving playing in the dirt at Sandra's house...

We're ready to go back to school.

Gulp!

Maelin and "Bang-Bang"

2009-08-06T22:24:00.002-06:00

No, it's not a toy. Bang-Bang is what Maelin calls my dad. Sometimes she calls him "Papa Dan" which is what her older cousins have always called him and he answers to just about anything.

Maelin loves her Bang-Bang. Here's a few pics of Mae and her Grandpa just enjoying a summer evening.

Wordless Monday Picture

2009-08-03T21:48:00.002-06:00

As I'm heading back to school in less than a week (sob!), I'm not blogging too much right now. However, my travels are never far from my mind and especially now when faced with the daunting idea of a new school year.

Love this picture because Paris is one of my favorite cities in all of the world. This shot was taken in the early morning hours in Montmartre: arguably the best neighborhood in Paris. They were getting ready for the daily market.

Sigh...

Oh San Diego...How You Cost Us!

2009-07-27T16:26:00.010-06:00

Yes, we're back and in pretty good shape! San Diego was super fun for all of us. Maelin ADORED the ocean and even I didn't imagine how much fun it would be to watch her scampering in and out of the waves for hours. She'd stand at the point where her feet were wet, but she could get out of harm's way quickly enough if need be and yell, "Big One!" "Little One!" "Here it comes!" and then run as fast as her little legs could carry her through the water. She LOVED it.

It was amazing. I would gladly pay twice the amount of money this trip cost in order to watch her do that again. Very glad we brought the camcorder. It was awesome.

She also really liked the Mexican dancers in Old Town. She stood for about 30 minutes with her mouth wide open just staring at them and then as soon as they left the stage to take a break, guess which little Drama Queen decided it was her turn to dance? Yup...she ran right up on stage and twirled, skipped and danced to her heart's content. It was adorable. She looked so proud of herself as she swirled her skirt and kept saying to me, "Mae Mae dancing?" (Note to self: look into dance class when she's 3.)

We also made it to the world-famous San Diego zoo. It was great fun to watch Maelin admire a new zoo and animals she had never seen before (Koala bears and Panda bears were our favorites too). It was a bit hot that day and I am so not a fan of the heat-and-humidity weather, but it was worth it for the moment when we got her into the Sky Tram that takes you from one part of the zoo to the other (it's huge). She kept saying, "Mae up high!" and looking all around and laughing and beaming and just loving life.

She also really liked the swimming pools. (shocker, right?) The hotel we stayed at kept the water really warm (too warm for my taste but the little flags you raised to have someone immediately bring you a drink made up for that), so she loved it. She loved being thrown and spinned and one night on our way to dinner, she ran up to the pool glass wall and just pressed her nose against it, like a puppy begging for someone to adopt her. She would NOT leave this perch until I promised her we would come back after dinner ("Mama promises???")

However, CA is not a cheap place to be. Our one night out with the lovely babysitter cost us $350 all together. Really. Between the $100 we paid Karen, the $50 for different taxis and things, $150 for an awesome fish dinner that we can't get here in CO, barhopping in places that charge $9 for a gin and tonic, (oh, and the room service dinner the babysitter ordered which I had totally told her she could do), the final total for us to go out from 6pm to 11pm was $350. Oops. Good thing the tequila bar we had stopped at made that bill a bit easier to swallow.

We tried to skip the expensive hotel drink option by walking to a nearby 7-11 type place for some food and liquor to keep in our room. A six-pack of Coors in a can was about $8.50. I got a six-pack of the good local micro-brew and that was about $12. Horrendous, but better than the $5.75 the hotel charged when the lovely waiter brought you your drink by the pool. Or the $5.50 for the Bud Light. We also tried to skip paying restaurant prices for breakfast one day by walking to the local Einstein's. We got 2 breakfast bagels, a milk for Maelin, a coffee and a diet Coke. This cost us $22. Really.

So bottom line is this: San Diego is a fabulous mix of great Mexican food, Southern CA lifestyle, beach, ocean breezes, flowers, pools, fresh fish, fun night-life but be sure you bring your moo-la: you're gonna need it.

Would I change anything? Not on your life. The memories I have of Maelin's first visit to the ocean is not something you can put a price tag on. I'll forever remember the joy in her face as she scampered around by the water's edge with sand all over her, her toes dug in, laughing and screaming at the waves as she tried to avoid them. Then looking up at us with pure happiness in her eyes. Who cares about money during a moment like that?

Not me. Not ever.

(I didn't label each of these pics cause frankly, I think they're self-explanatory and I want to get back to reading Eclipse...)

Off We Go!

2009-07-19T07:39:00.002-06:00

Kevin, Maelin and I are off to San Diego for our first ever family vacation. We are planning on taking Mae to the beach, the zoo and we figured we'd take her downtown to see what a new city looks like. She's such a good traveler: I've taken her to Traverse City, MI, Seattle and Disneyland but this will be Kevin's first experience traveling with a child.

We'll see how he does. I was going to go get him some "rescue remedy" from Vitamin Cottage (it's a natural Valium) but I think he'll be okay. I'll let you know.

We were lucky enough to even get a babysitter for one night while we're down there so Kevin and I can go out. A friend of mine has a good friend who lives about 5 minutes away from our hotel so I talked to her a few days ago and Karen is very excited to come meet Maelin and play with her. I'm excited about that because in general, my favorite part of vacations is the night life. We won't be clubbing it up by any means, but it'll be nice to be able to see what the Gaslamp district is like after dark.

Maelin is so excited: she keeps talking about the airplane, the beach and the koala bears. It's going to be awesome to experience this through her eyes. She also really likes the train at DIA, so we're in for some fun with this little one.

You know I'll post pictures when we get back. And we're off!

Love and Pain...Mother Love??? Some thoughts about Chinese Foot Binding

2009-07-13T21:35:00.006-06:00

One of the reasons I love summer vacation so much is that I finally get to catch up on my reading. I've always been a voracious reader and I'm so busy during the school year (and frankly exhausted by the time I get home and get Mae to bed), that I have a stack of books that I'm just dying to read by the time June gets here.

I've been slowly making my way through some excellent reads. Finally got to "Twilight" and loved it (going to bring the other three books in that series with me when we go on vacation next week.) "Eat, Pray, Love" was next and I thought it was an extremely well-written account of Italy, India and Indonesia (the best part of that book for me was recognizing all the places Liz visits while in Italy).

Yesterday I started "Peony in Love" by Lisa See and I finished it today. I'll preface this blog post by saying that I adore Lisa See: one of my favorite books of all-time is her "Snowflower and the Secret Fan." She is a master at Chinese Historical fiction which is quickly becoming one of my favorite genres. However...there is a aspect to Chinese history that has always turned my stomach. Even more so now that I'm a mommy to a beautiful girl.

The practice of foot binding is mentioned (and actually plays a significant part) in both of See's books that I've read. Honestly, I didn't know a whole lot about the practice until I read "Snowflower." It had such a disturbing account of the barbaric procedure that one of the ladies in my book club actually stopped reading "Snowflower" because she just couldn't stomach it. I read that book before I was a mommy and was disturbed, but didn't really think too much of it. "Peony" has another gruesome account of the practice and I decided that I owed it to myself to find out once and for all what this practice is, who did it, why, and how it affected girls for their entire lives.

Basically, foot binding begins when a girl is 5-10 years old. Her bones are more pliable and soft then. Mom or Grandmother (if the Mother couldn't bear to do it), would take the 4 smaller toes and fold them underneath the foot and wrap it tightly with bandages. Then the child would spend 2 agonizing years walking around on these feet. The bones would eventually break. Death from infections was common. The goal was to achieve the perfect "Lotus Blossom" shaped foot...which was visually pleasing and if her foot was smaller than 4 inches, guaranteed to help her get a valuable husband. I'm not going to go into the procedure much more because I respect the fact that this is a stomach-turning topic, but click here for a link to an excellent essay complete with pictures of foot binding.

I imagine some of you who come to this blog to see pictures of Maelin or to amuse yourself with my latest classroom story are asking yourselves why on earth am I tackling this horrendous topic? Well, it's not because I broke my little toe tonight (oh really, I totally did and I'm in a huge amount of pain right now). As ironic as that would be, that's not why. The reason why I'm bringing up this barbaric (in my opinion) custom is because of the writings that I've read during my research for this post about the opinions and actions of the mothers who carried out this custom for 1,000 years. They have chilled my soul.

Here are a few of the quotes I have discovered that were commonly told the girls or each other as their mothers and grandmothers and nurse-maids were physically holding them down to break their feet:

"Only through pain will you have beauty. Only through suffering will you have peace"

"Give your daughter the gift of your Mother Love"

"Every pair of small feet costs a bath of tears".

"When a Celestial takes into his hand a woman's foot, especially if it is very small, the effect upon him is precisely the same as is provoked in a European by a young and firm bosom..."

The reason I wanted to research and write this blog post was because of the 2nd quote. "Give your daughter the gift of your Mother Love." In Chinese, the written character for mother love is composed of two elements: love and pain. During the foot binding procedures, it was generally an elder female member of the girl's family or a professional foot binder who carried out the initial breaking and ongoing binding of the feet. This was considered preferable to having the mother do it, as she might have been sympathetic to her daughter's pain and less willing to keep the bindings tight. A professional foot binder would ignore the girl's cries and would continue to bind her feet incredibly tightly, thus achieving the ideal "Golden Lotuses" shape. "Mother Love" seems in this case not to refer to the staggering pain the girls went through, but the pain the mothers went through inflicting it.

As parents, we all have degrees of "Mother Love." The first time you tell your child "NO!" and really mean it and you see that little baby face crumple into tears tests your Mother Love. When your kid cries because he doesn't understand why mommy and daddy don't live together any more tests your Mother Love. Discipline in most forms tests your Mother Love (the old, "This hurts me more than it hurts you"). However, reading about these procedures physically turned my stomach. Now that I'm a mommy, I can't imagine inflicting this sort of Mother Love on Maelin. It's staggering. I totally understand why some mothers snatched their daughters away and ran off with them, never to be seen again. That was the minority. Most of the mothers gladly went through with this custom believing it would help their daughters secure their positions in life and achieve higher social standings. Thus the Mother Love.

Now I know there are blogs, essays, articles out there that use this practice as another way to point to how women have been mutilated throughout different cultures, different centuries. I agree with them. However, I wrote and researched this as a way for me to work through the emotions I had when I read about the Mother Love. I can't stand it when Maelin has a cold. I cried real tears when she had the flu and I couldn't help her. When she was 15 months old, she had a seizure in my arms. It was the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me. At the hospital afterwards, the nurse made me hold her down while she inserted a catheter into her bladder to get a sterile urine sample. I remember holding my baby down while she screamed and fought and cried and looked at me with such confusion in her eyes. She seemed to be asking, "Why Mommy? You're supposed to be the one keeping me safe, not hurting me!" I cried right along with her.

Love and Pain. That's the closest I ever want to get to it again.

So in conclusion I imagine all of us are glad this practice has stopped. We're happy to be Americans and live in a country that has never practiced any severe female mutilations. However, I know I will do some more research on what I can do to help the millions of girls who undergo neck stretching, or genital mutilations, or countless other atrocities that are performed in the name of culture. As I hobble off to bed on my poor little broken toe (just one...not the entire foot) with my ice and my Advil, I know this for certain: sympathy and apathy walk a thin line. Easy to do on two healthy feet.

Wordless Sunday Picture

2009-07-12T15:15:00.001-06:00

Auntie Kat told me a while ago that if I was going to do a "wordless" picture, it'd better be about Maelin. Since Auntie is in Germany for the next few weeks (and missing Mae terribly, she told me), I'll indulge her.

Here you go Auntie Kat!

Is Real Love Chance, Work...or Choice?

2009-07-08T22:15:00.009-06:00

Now that I'm home for a few more weeks (how fast summer flies by will be another post), I've been able to catch up on some reading that I've been putting off. I finally made it through Twilight (LOVED it!!) and I'm hoping to finish the other 3 in that series before school starts again.

Another book I've read recently is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I was somewhat "assigned" to read this (more about that in yet another post), and although I'm usually not very interested in self-help books, this one had some good things to say. In fact...I think I believe most of it.

The premise of this book is this: have you ever been in a relationship where you just felt that you and your partner were speaking different languages? Where you couldn't believe how hard you worked to let your partner know the things you needed and wanted and your partner responded with exactly the opposite? Have you felt that you were talking Swahili to your partner? Or your words just flew right over his/her head? If your answer is yes (which I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I bet that's most of us at one point or another), Chapman's view is that you and your partner speak different love languages.

I bet some of you wanted to stop reading at this point. I'm starting to go all Oprah on you...this is something she would do, right? She reads some amazing book (Eckhart Tolle ring a bell???) and tries to get everyone on her bandwagon on how it totally changed her life and we should all start a book club this very day and read this book.

Well...I'm not Oprah. This blog doesn't reach millions of people. However...I know some ladies who read this blog semi-regularly when they're up late and don't feel much like watching another Snuggie infomercial who might actually benefit from reading this book. It sure beats the cost of marriage counseling...

But, I digress. The idea is that there are 5 love languages that each of us speak. In general, we have one primary language and one secondary. These can change during the course of our lives (the language that you speak is different during your courtship and changes after you've had a baby, etc...) but for the most part, your primary language is what speaks love to you. I'm not going to write a huge posting about every point I liked from this book because minus all the Jesus talk (which wasn't too bad...I was able to skip over it), I agreed with pretty much everything Chapman had to say. This post would be huge and frankly, I'm too excited to go start New Moon to write a real book review. You can also look that up here on Amazon if you want. There are tons of positive reviews and you can read those too if you have already read New Moon.

There are 2 points to this book that I'll take away with me. The first one is:
"The in-love-heady-feeling you get when you are first together with someone ISN'T real and DOESN'T last." Wow. So what he's saying is that all those romantic books, movies, songs that I've taken to heart in the last, oh...34 years aren't real???? You mean most people don't talk until the sun comes up after they've been together for 15 years??? (oh come on...you know you did this at least once with someone you had just started dating!) You mean to say that after I've been with him for 13 years my heart won't skip a beat when I see his name on my caller ID???? Hmmmmmm....

The point that Chapman is making is that the heady "in love" experience that we all love (the "new" feeling) has been studied and is temporary. It is impossible for your system to maintain that sort of intensity for longer than 2 years. 2 years! That's what we get people!! That's it...of that wonderful, dizzy, can't-think-of-anything-else feeling. The problem with this is during that 2 years is when most of us move in, get engaged, possibly even get married. Then what??? Who hasn't heard someone complain, "It all changed after the wedding."? Who hasn't watched some wonderful "The Notebook" or "Serendipity" movie and wished their love life was as passionate years down the road? Those aren't real and are in fact, fiction. Having my MA in Behavioral Sciences, I kinda knew that already but it sure was pleasant to have it confirmed by actual studies.

The other point I enjoyed from this book is the actual "Love Languages" themselves. As a veteran of many relationships (some better than others, but that's neither here nor there), I know how hard it is to make a long-term relationship work. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe because I'm the 3rd child, I seek too much control. Maybe it's because of the crazy religion I was raised with. Maybe it's because I'm a master at being passive-aggressive. Maybe it's because I'd happily move to Disneyland and work in the Candy Kitchen wearing the red and white striped outfits. I don't know. Or maybe...it's because I was speaking the wrong language.

Now before you start screaming "Oprah!!" at me, hear me out. This really does make sense. Has your partner ever done something for you (ie: told you he loved you and you sure do look nice tonight) and you said thanks, but deep down you were cursing the mother f$%#@$ because what you really wanted was for him to get off his lazy a$%# and fold the friggin laundry? Or have you spent days, weeks, months on locating the perfect gift (scoured Craigslist and eBay) for the first edition of the Radiohead anthropology, had it shipped over from London, wrapped and ready to go on the 6th anniversary of your first kiss...and he says "Thanks." Then proceeds to look confused and asks, "Was I supposed to do something?"

Sigh...

I'm willing to bet we've all found ourselves here at one point or another. The problem isn't that he doesn't care or you are just a screaming, nagging hag. The problem is that you aren't speaking the same languages. You may as well be speaking Latin.

Here are the five languages. See if you're lucky enough to be able to spot your primary and secondary language right away (then you won't need to read the book!!)

Quality Time***Words of Affirmation***Gifts***Acts of Service***Physical Touch

(I'm going to say that before you start moaning that ALL men speak Physical Touch, it involves way more than just sex. Enough said.)

Here's your challenge if you want to improve your current relationship: you need to figure out which language is your primary language and communicate that to your partner. The book also gives plenty of ideas and examples of things you can do for your partner in THEIR language. You also need to figure out which language is your partner's primary language so you can start speaking it.

So that's it. That's my new soapbox. We'll see how long I stay on it. For now, I'll leave you with this quote that a friend sent to me recently:
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And, no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.

Summertime Fun

2009-06-29T21:03:00.010-06:00

Oh, but we're having a busy, fun summer! Even though we've spent most of the summer so far helping out Aunt Heather, we've managed to squeeze in some fun. Now that we are getting into our groove, we're having a great time!

We've joined a music class. In true Maelin fashion, we don't really do what the teacher wants us to do: ie, we don't listen, follow directions, spin or dance when we're supposed to. We do that just when we want to and when we're darn good and ready for it! It's really cute. The other thing that cracks me up during music class is that there's a little girl who totally loves Maelin but Maelin could care less: she loves the boys. Alex and Adam, specifically. She follows them around while the little girl follows Mae around. It's hilarious. Kevin and I are in trouble when Mae is a teenager, that's for sure.

As we have memberships to both the Children's Museum and the Denver Zoo, we've been having a great time at both places. It's so nice to have a membership and to live so close: you can go for a couple of hours a couple of times a week and not feel like you're wasting any money. Maelin LOVES both of them and starts squealing when we get close to either of them: she knows exactly where she's going and asks for them by name "Mu-zee-m!" or "--ippos" when she wakes up in the morning. We're also very lucky to have some great friends who are also off for the summer and have been meeting us at the zoo or museum: Maelin's best friends Makenzy and Andrew. They are 7 and 5 and they love Maelin as much as she loves them. She follows them around and they are super sweet with her and they all adore each other. She's so lucky.

We've also been hanging out with family quite a bit (for obvious reasons). Aunt Heather is recovering nicely and in the meantime, Auntie Vanessa was out visiting from Seattle and Nana is on her way from MN and our Uncle and Aunt from Florida were here this week. This is their first visit in 10 years so we were very excited to introduce Maelin to them.

One sad note: Aunt Kat and Uncle Jeff are going away for a while. Aunt Kat will be gone for a month and Uncle Jeff will be gone for about 9 days. We'll really miss them. However, they'll be in Germany, Austria and Prague so I'm sure we'll be getting some really choice gifts to make up for their long absence! :-)

I adore summertime. I love getting to know my little girl again, I love hanging out with my friends without having to worry about work, I love knowing what Maelin does all day long and I LOVE being the one who wakes up with her, gets her breakfast, plays all day, lays with her during naps, picks her up when she falls, cleans her boo-boos and is the one who cuddles with her at night. Although 10 months out of my life are extremely stressful and crazy, these 2 months are so amazing and I'm loving every minute of it!

Going into the pool at Kat and Jeff's house...not quite sure we like it yet!

"MaeMae Painting!" at the Children's Museum

Uncle was putting the cone on his head to make Mae laugh and Maelin loves him so much, she just had to try it herself!

Mae and I at cousin Coely's 3rd bday party...she loved his birthday cake!

Maelin and the firedog at the Museum...she calls that "Fire Hat!"

Riding "Brownie" at our Aunt Laura's house...

Maelin looking very stylish in her new playhouse (wearing her cousins' apron)

Riding "zeee-bra!" at the zoo

Maelin and her best friends: Andrew and Makenzy at the zoo

Quite a bit of our family: my dad and his wife, Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Monika, my grandpa, Aunt Laura, Kat, Jeff, Heather, Kevin, Maelin and I.

Maelin at Boulder Creek...no, I did not let her get in the water but she had a great time watching the tubers!

Fun Times at the Zoo

2009-06-23T21:26:00.002-06:00

We've been spending quality time at the zoo lately. Since Heather has been released from the hospital and is resting comfortably at my dad's house (and getting great care over there, by the way), Maelin and I have finally been able to enjoy a little bit of summertime.

Kat and Jeff gave us a zoo pass for Mae's birthday and we've been putting it to good use. Mae LOVES the zoo. She asks for the animals by name and she starts squealing the second we start getting close to parking. She starts yelling, "ZOO! ZOO!" and starts giggling. Then the minute we get inside, she's running off towards her favorites: the "Ippos" and "el-phants". We usually ride the train and she sits there and pats my knee and is just all smiles.

Here's a couple of pictures from the zoo. Honestly, I have tons more but I haven't had time to download them off of my camera lately, so I'll put a whole bunch of summer-fun pics up soon. Enjoy!

Our Little Artist

2009-06-20T09:35:00.001-06:00

Finally got around to taking Maelin back to the Children's Museum this past week. Heather is at my dad's house resting and Mae and I went to go play for a bit. Although we've been going to the Children's Museum since Mae was about 9 months old, this was the first time I thought she was ready to explore her inner artist.

She LOVED painting. One of my best friends Emily is an artist AND she has the same birthday as Maelin, so we've always been looking for similarities to Emily as she grows. How much she loved to paint is a pretty big one that we thought was great. I took this painting home and framed it. It's in our room now and every time Mae sees it, she says, "Mae painting?" and is super proud.

I love summer and how much time it gives me to get to know my little girl again. She's so much fun and awesome company!

Cancer Surgery Update

2009-06-13T19:48:00.002-06:00

My sister has had her surgery and is now on the slow road to recovery. Her surgery actually went better than was expected: it only lasted 6 hours and she didn't have any affected lymph nodes on the right side of her neck like the surgeon had originally thought. Therefore, she has only lost all feeling on the left side of her neck. That's a really good thing. Her scar is smaller than they thought it would be as well.

She's resting now. Her pain level is an average of 4 (from 1-10) and we're all taking turns being here at the hospital with her. Maelin is not handling this very well: she woke up screaming this morning and is extremely clingy and upset. She can tell something is happening and mommy just isn't around like she is supposed to be.

There are so many heart-warming stories I could share with you about all this. I could tell you about the friend who drove 2 hours to bring my family dinner (complete with desert and wine) while we were waiting in the ICU during Heather's surgery. I could tell you about the countless messages of support we've all received...most from people we barely know. I could tell you about the wonderful care and love we've gotten from the outstanding nurses and doctors who are so critical to Heather's recovery. I could tell you about the coffee that was delivered late at night for us, the help with Maelin that's been offered, the dinners that have been yet to be cooked but are on their way, the housecleaning that's coming and the hundreds of messages of "We're thinking of you" that my family has received.

It's amazing and humbling. Every time I open my email or check my phone, there's more of them. People have offered to give up their precious resources and free time to come to the hospital and show my family a bit of their generosity and spirit.

To all of you I offer a very heart-felt "THANK YOU" from Heather, my parents, my siblings and I. We couldn't have made it through this as well as we have without you. The road to recovery for Heather is going to be long and painful but it will be brightened by all of you.

A Scary Time Ahead...

2009-06-07T15:07:00.007-06:00

I come from a rather large family. Not crazy "18 Kids and Counting" large, but large by today's standards. We have 4 kids in our family and my dad's family had 5, so we have all sorts of wonderful aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. So we're a loud and crazy bunch (emphasis on the loud...)

We've always been really lucky to be really close to each other. Even though we were raised by a crazy religion that kept us somewhat isolated from everyone, family has always been very important to all of us and we've kept in close contact. I'm happy to say that even though we're too loud, too much in each others' business, nosy, and crazy, we've never really had too much serious drama or sadness.

Oh sure, we've all had our problems. We were very sad to lose our Aunt Cacky to a brain tumor about 9 years ago. My mom has battled different health issues over the years but for the most part, we've all been really lucky to be healthy and happy.

This week is going to put all that to the test...at least for a little bit. My older sister Heather was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer and is undergoing a major surgery on Friday. For more information about this, (I'm calling it PTC for short), click here. My sister has always been really healthy: nothing major ever wrong with her. She has 2 boys: a 5 year old and a 3 year old and is in the middle of getting divorced. Which makes the timing of this just evil. She is still on her ex's health insurance for now, but for how long remains to be seen.

So anyway, she's undergoing a 9-12 hour surgery on Friday. They have discovered some lymph nodes in her neck that have been affected by the cancer so they need to going to remove them before they spread further. They are going to cut her neck from ear to ear and slowly remove all the infected lymph nodes, her thyroid, and try to put her back together as best they can.

She has a 4% chance of never talking again. She is also facing being on thyroid medications for the rest of her life. There will be "extensive damage" to the nerves in her neck and shoulders and she'll have to go through physical therapy to rebuild the muscles and nerves there. She will have to have radioactive iodine inserted into her neck to try to kill any other cancerous growths that the surgeon isn't able to remove. There are other problems that are possible but to be honest, I try not to think about them too much. You can do your own research if you're curious.

One good thing is at this point, it doesn't look like she'll need chemo or radiation. They are planning to have her in the ICU for about 2 days and then in the hospital for a week. After that, she's planning on coming to Denver (she lives about 1 hour north of us in a small town) to stay with my dad so he can help take care of her and there will be a safe place for the boys.

I'm really starting to get nervous for her. I know she reads this, so I'm staying positive, but honestly...my family has been so lucky health-wise in the past that I really don't know how to best be there for her. I'm going with her on Tuesday afternoon for a full-body PET scan to see if the cancer is anywhere else in her body and I'm going on Wednesday to meet with her surgeon for her pre-op appointment, but that's about all I know how to do. Just being there helps, I guess.

Cancer is such a scary word. You hear it and you immediately think "death" even though people beat it all the time. I'm so sad and mad about this: why does my healthy, young sister who has 2 young sons to take care of have to go through this? Why are we worrying about whether or not she'll be able to talk? Or as she says...she doesn't want us running a race in her honor. (a bit of joke but somewhat true.) Instead of enjoying the start of my hard-earned summer vacation with Maelin, I'm scheduling who is going to stay overnight with her in the hospital each night. I'm arranging where family members who are flying in are going to stay. I'm figuring out where to put Maelin while I'm with Heather during the surgery and afterwards. I'm not planning anything for her recovery time in case something comes up and she needs me. It is all-consuming and only goes away when you're sleeping.

I've always been the "care-taker" in my family. Maybe it's because I'm the middle child, maybe it's because it's just in my nature, maybe it's because I like to be busy and have things to do so everyone has just expected me to fall into that role. Up until now, I didn't mind that job. I liked knowing what was going on with everyone and helping to take care of everyone and being the planner in the family. However, I'm finding the role to be overwhelming and exhausting now. Heather needs me now more than she ever has and although I will ALWAYS be there for her no matter what, there are times I just don't know what to say. She will call me immediately when she finds out some more (seems like it's always) bad news and my first impulse is to freak out right along with her and burst into tears. That's not being a care-taker though so I stop myself, think of positive things to say and calm her down a bit. Then I hang up the phone and start to hyper-ventilate. I refuse to let her know how worried I am about her (she'll know now though... :-) while she's processing the scary new information so I keep it inside.

My good friend told me the other day that I needed to take a small step back from the care-taker roll and let other people help. She said it was starting to affect me and I needed to allow myself to feel the fear and the sadness about this...it's okay not to be the strong, stoic one all the time. I don't know how to do that but I think she's right. I'm going to try.

Aunt Kat is going to come along on Wed for the pre-op appt so Heather and I aren't there all by ourselves. Kat is going to help ask questions and help keep us both calm because I don't think we can do it by ourselves anymore. We're too involved: Heather is worried for her life and I'm worried for her. That's not a good combination when you're supposed to be calm and reasonable and asking intelligent questions.

So there you go. I might do a post or two this week if I find myself alone during the surgery on Friday with nothing to do. Maelin will be in daycare or with friends so at least I won't have to worry about her. I'll be spending most of the next 2 weeks spending the nights in the hospital with Heather so she's not alone with her thoughts...that can be pretty scary. We'll try to laugh through the pain and the fear and I KNOW we'll come out okay.

I'm scared...but the care-taker in me knows that this is just something yucky we have to get through. We WILL get through it and our family will go on being as loud and crazy as ever.

I know it.

Heather and I partying it up on New Years

Starting Her Out Right...

2009-06-04T21:01:00.002-06:00

Everyone who knows us knows that Kevin enjoys his video games. However, he's been really good about not playing them when Maelin is awake. The one exception to this is Guitar Hero. We tend to break that out when Uncle Jeff is over or when Cousin Peter is in town visiting. Then it's Guitar Hero all the time. Honestly, it doesn't usually even get turned off.

It seems that Maelin has picked up the nuances of Guitar Hero. Kevin is so proud...

Wordless Tuesday Picture

2009-06-02T13:33:00.001-06:00

Bet you can guess where this was taken...

Field Day

2009-06-01T13:41:00.003-06:00

We had a great field day today! It started out pretty gloomy: very cloudy and misty like it was going to rain any minute. The kiddos were a bit disappointed because it seemed like field day may actually be canceled. However, things brightened up when...

Sgt. Alex from the Air Force and 4 other officers came back to hang out with us! For those of you who remember, Sgt. Alex and the Air Force officers are so important to my kids. They were the ones who answered my call for school supplies, clothes, toys and games last Christmas. They showed up in my classroom in December with all sorts of games, toys, presents, etc. and brought us all to tears. For a recap of that amazing day, click here.

So we were getting ready to go outside to Field Day today and who showed up again?? Sgt. Alex and his friends! My kiddos cheered and cheered and we all went outside. We had a great time. The kids had so much fun doing all the different games and relays and the officers did them right along with us. We all played tug-of-war together and the potato sack relay and climbed the rock wall and gave high-fives to the winners and cheered everyone on. We had a great day.

I just love how some adults answer the call to help our kids. The kiddos I teach are amongst the "have-nots" in our society and it breaks my heart every day that I can't help them more than I can. I love that just by giving up a little of their time, these officers are making a huge difference in the lives of these kids. Every child in my room was beaming and feeling special and important because these very important men took time out of their lives to spend with them.

Days like these I love my job. There's no where else I'd rather be.

Thanks Sgt. Alex, Sgt. Troy, Sgt. Chad, Cptn. Levi and Cptn. Jacob. These kids will remember you forever. And so will I.

Mama is Not "Otay"

2009-05-24T15:20:00.003-06:00

I've got pneumonia again. Yup. Last time it hit me when I was totally run-down and stressed out and exhausted. It's like a bad memory: hits you when you're most vulnerable to it. Click here for a recap of the last time I was down with this...

This time is harder than last time though. Last time I didn't have a rambunctious 2 year old hanging on me that demands you keep up with her. Last time wasn't the end of the school year where I just can't take a day off because of all the stuff I still have to do. This time I just can't seem to feel better. All I do is lay on the couch and cough, move to the bed and cough, move to the chair and cough and doze. It's awful. In the meantime, I can't breathe. My lips are purple and I'm coughing violently every 20 minutes or so. My whole body is sore from the coughing and I just can't seem to shake it.

Good thing it's a 3 day weekend and I don't have to go back to work till Tuesday. However, with the way this is looking, I'll be surprised if I make it back to work next week at all. I feel that awful.

One bright spot: Maelin has not caught this yet. She's just as healthy and crazy as ever. However, she started imitating my coughing today. She says, "Mama coughin" and then goes, "ack ack". No sweetie: don't imitate sick Mama. That makes me sad...

Wow...Almost Forgot I Even Had A Blog

2009-05-22T10:45:00.003-06:00

10 days since my last post. I blame the following:

1) Have crazy awful cold that sent me to Urgent Care last week and will possibly land me in the ER tonight. I've been coughing like crazy: violent coughs that aren't getting better and come about every 10 minutes. I even had to pull over on I-25 yesterday on my way to work because I was afraid I was going to crash us. Maelin was in the back saying to me, "Mama otay?" over and over. Haven't slept more than 1 hour at a time since Saturday night.

2) Crazy busy time at work. Have two field trips, Literacy Plans due, reading tests, math tests, computer and language tests, writing tests, report cards, committee meeting after committee meeting. Typical end-of-the-year craziness. This is what is preventing me from taking a day off to rest from this vicious, horrible cough.

3) We've been trying to get the yard up and going for Maelin. We spent last weekend weeding, planting flowers, and generally cleaning up after the years of neglect from the former owners. They didn't do a darn thing for years so we have a pretty good battle ahead of us to get the yard the way we want it. However...we still have a killer view of both downtown and the mountains from our backyard, so I'm not complaining.

4) Auntie Vanessa is coming into town this weekend for a quick visit! She's really coming to see her friends (they bought her ticket) so we won't get to spend a whole lot of time with her but that's ok. She's planning on coming back in June, so we'll see her again soon.

So for those of you who are wanting your Maelin fix: I have a 3-day weekend coming up so I should have some time to post the latest pictures of her. Gotta warn you though: she's super cute lately, so there may be quite a few of them!

The Beauty of Rain Boots

2009-05-12T21:45:00.001-06:00

Need we say more.....

How I Continue To Breathe

2009-05-07T21:19:00.004-06:00

I'm exhausted. Utterly exhausted. My day today was crazy. I had duty this morning so I had to race to get to school on time. I was in a PBS conference all day yesterday so I had to clean up from the sub. Additionally, I am in charge of the scrapbook we are giving our principal as a good-bye present so I spent 2 hours making that this morning (as I was running literacy centers: good thing my kiddos have learned how to take directions well!). Then I had a meeting with a parent. Then I worked through lunch as I have a school-visit on Monday and have to get sub plans ready. Then I taught the kids how to add quarters and half-dollars. Then I had a meeting with the interm-principal and the PBS team. Then I had to get the room cleaned up and the kiddos out the door. Then I had to set up my room for the Volunteer Appreciation Tea we host every year. Then I had to race downtown to pick up Maelin. Then we played at the mall for a while. Then I came home and she "helped" me water the flowers. ("Mae Mae do it!!" as she gets the hose and puts water everywhere). Then I got her ready for bed and sang to her while she fell asleep. Then I started some laundry. Then I worked on her 2 Year Questionnaire for her 2-year check up next week. Then I pulled out my laptop and started working on my latest book orders.

Then I stopped. I just wanted to sit still for a minute. Whenever I'm totally stressed out and lose sight of what really matters to me, this picture is what I think about. (I should preface this with no, it's not a picture of MaeMae. Of course she's the most important thing in the entire world to me and is the reason I do what I do every day and is my reason for continuing to breathe...) but she's not what I thought about tonight as I forced myself to breathe. This picture below is what I thought about:

I took this shot in Sorrento, Italy in 2005 when I went for a week with my girlfriends. Sorrento is on the Amafli Coast: directly across the bay from Naples and just up the coast from Positiano (the famous hill town featured in lots of movies..."Under the Tuscan Sun" had a bunch of scenes there). Anyway, this is my FAVORITE town in Italy. Bar none. Even beats out Venice. This shot was taken around 9pm as we were heading out to dinner. You can walk everywhere in Sorrento and it is the lemoncello capital of Italy. Never indulged in this Italian treat? You are missing out. Next time you are at a real Italian restaurant (Olive Garden doesn't count), check the dessert menu for this treat. Order it COLD and with an espresso. Alternate sips between the cold, alcoholic, lemony-sweetness and the bitter heat of the espresso and oh...you will be experiencing just a small amount of the true Italian lifestyle.

So why do I think about this picture when I'm insanely crazed and busy? Because it grounds me. After the time I spent teaching in Italy, I learned how to stop and just take it all in. Italians do not rush around like we do. They can't do errands at lunch because everything is closed for siesta. No biggie...I'll just go home and drink some wine or birra (beer) and wait for them to open tomorrow. Busy at work? Too bad...it's time to go home and I'm going so I can spend time with my family and drink some more wine or lemoncello.

This picture reminds me of what is important because when I see it, I'm instantly transported away from my crazy classroom. Away from the bills I still need to pay, the Mother's Day card that is going to be late getting to my mom this year. Away from the laundry and away from the "should dos", "could dos" and "need to dos." It brings me back to the place where I am sitting on a sidewalk cafe with my lemoncello and my espresso watching the sunset. Watching the old men play checkers. Watching the children play with the dogs as their "nonnas" water the flowers that are hanging off of their balconies. The sun is setting behind me, the breeze is blowing, the smell of lemons, flowers and the sea is in the air and no one is rushing to be anywhere because everyone is just where they want to be.

Exactly where they are. No one is forcing themselves to breathe here.

For Real?!?!?

2009-04-27T20:52:00.004-06:00

I'm walking my 8 year old students to the bus after school today and my little one named Ava (not really) says to me,

"Mrs. C...I know you said our moms needed to call you about the field trip but is it okay if my dad calls you instead? My mom went to jail last night for trying to kill my dad with the knife that's on our kitchen counter."

Really. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

And I'm supposed to ride this girl about her homework?!?

Failing a Grade...Good Idea or Not???

2009-04-23T18:21:00.009-06:00

We hear a lot these days about how 8th graders are reading at a 3rd grade reading level. We hear about how high school kids are graduating even though they are performing at a 7th grade level. You may have been one of those people who think that teachers have dropped the ball: how the heck are we graduating these kids who can't read, can't add or can't write???

I'll tell you exactly how it happens: teachers are not allowed to do their jobs anymore. It's been taken away from us. Thanks to new legislation (ie: NCLB), we are under the microscope and forced to have every decision that used to be left up to our professional judgement (yes, I went to college for 5 years and graduate school for 3 years to do what I do...I do have some professional judgement) now has to go through an insane amount of meetings, committees, opinions, and all sorts of people weighing in on how they think I should best teach my kiddos.

Remember back when we were growing up? How scary the thought of being "held back" a grade was? It was awful. That was the worse thing that could happen to you. If a teacher threatened it...you knew she was serious. You'd better straighten up and do your work, turn your homework in, actually start studying.

Not anymore. I tell at least 4 parents every year that unless a big change happens, their child will not be ready for third grade and will therefore be...left behind. See where this is going?? Every year there really are about 4 of my students who just do NOTHING and aren't ready for third grade. They are either not emotionally ready or they just haven't learned the content that is necessary for them to be promoted. In the old days, the children would be held back. We all knew kids like that had been held back and we looked at them in awe: those were the kids that just didn't care and boy, we did NOT want to be like them. We knew we'd do whatever it took to get ourselves promoted.

It's quite different now. I am in the process of getting ready for my retention meeting tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous about it. I only have one little girl this year who I think would benefit from being held back but boy, do I have to make a case for it. She's young for her age, she averages 20% on things when the class average is about 90% and she's just not performing at grade level. If she goes to 3rd grade, she's going to be absolutely lost. She won't be able to do a darn thing. Parents even want her to be retained. However, I have to take a metric ton of data and evidence to this meeting tomorrow to prove my case.

This is how daunting it is: I've received some (for lack of a better term) "Retention Hate Mail" in my mailbox at work over the last couple of days. The powers that be have read the research that show that retention is not a good thing for all students and are trying to intimidate the teachers into not bringing any kiddos to the retention meetings. (btw: they are awful because you are sitting with the school psychologist, people from the district, the principal, the learning specialists and you have to make the case on why this child learned NOTHING in your class all year). In essence, you have to prove you haven't done your job with this child. See how little they progressed? These meetings are not fun.

Back to the hate mail. Here are a few of the golden nuggets we all received over the past week. See what you think:

"...Retention is HIGHLY ASSOCIATED with significant increases in behavior problems and mental health issues in adolescence and adulthood."

"...most children do not "catch up" when they are held back. Although some retained children do better at first, they often fall behind again in later grades, and are often referred for remedial help or special education during elementary school."

"...by the time they get into middle school,. many children who were held back tend to get into trouble, dislike school and feel more poorly about themselves than do children who were never retained. There is some evidence that retained children are more likely to have mental health problems than those who are not retained."

"...a study in 1980 was done on sixth graders. They were surveyed on 20 stressful life events. Of the 20 events, children feared grade retention MOST after loss of a parent and going blind. That study was replicated in 2001 and 6th graders said that retentions was the single most stressful life event...even higher than the death of a parent (Anderson, Jimmerson, Whipple, 2002 UC-Santa Barbara).

"...systematic review and meta-analyses examining research over the past century (studies concluded between 1911-2001) support that in MOST cases, grade retention harms children."

So what's a classroom teacher in Commerce City with all sorts of leaking pipes making noises supposed to do? I know in my heart that this child will NOT be successful in 3rd grade. Do I just "pass her along" and have her be one of the 8th graders y'all are talking about who can't read and can't add? She'll probably drop out at that point anyway. Or do I fight to have her retained...ignoring these little gems of research that someone keeps placing in our boxes? So when I tell my parents at the beginning of the year that their child will be held back unless they get on the ball and start helping their child at home, THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME. They know the process and they know I have no power over this whatsoever. Big difference from back when we were in school, isn't it?

I wish we could go back to the days where there was some personal responsibility taken for education. I told her parents in September that if she didn't make huge improvements (ie: WORK WITH YOUR CHILD AT HOME) by the end of the year, she may have to be held back. Instead of actually doing that, mom just wants her retained. Where does that leave the classroom teacher? Our professional judgement is systematically being reduced to nothing: eventually everyone will be able to say that public education doesn't work and here's the reasons why.

And you all will be right. It's not working. Kids are being "left behind" all the time.

p.s. Exactly 15 minutes after I posted this, another "golden nugget" was placed in my box at work. Here it is in all its glory:

"...Initial achievement gains may occur during the retention year, but the consistent trend across many research studies is that achievement gains decline within 2-3 years of retentions such that retained children either do no better or perform MORE POORLY than similar groups of promoted children."

Maelin's Two Year Old Pics

2009-04-22T18:24:00.003-06:00

So you may remember my post about how Maelin was a 3 month old model. If not, click here for the amazing pictures we got of our little one when she was tiny. Mae isn't so tiny anymore.

Here are some of the better pictures from our latest trip to Portrait Innovations. We love it there. We even brought Uncle Jeff along this time in case Maelin needed help in the smiling department, but she did great with the photographer all by herself. He got some amazing shots of her...Uncle Jeff, Aunt Kat and Aunt Heather and I all just sat back and watched. She is one funny little girl!

Hope you enjoy

Sad Day for Alsup

2009-04-17T22:07:00.003-06:00

We had a sad day at work today. We've been lucky enough to be blessed with an amazing principal for the last 6 years. She's everything a true leader should be: encouraging, compassionate, reasonable, stern, not afraid to get her hands dirty, hilarious, personable and wonderful.

She will do anything for you if she thinks it will make you a better teacher: and therefore help out the kiddos. She is a fantastic mixture of being knowledgeable and professional...but yet extremely approachable. She knows all the names of our kids. She knows I have 2 cats. She knows Kevin's job and she's met some members of my family and remembers their names. In 6 years, I've never been turned away when I showed up at her door to talk. She encourages you to do better because she herself is so amazing and you would rather walk on nails then let her down.

One of my favorite Lynn-moments was a few years ago when we didn't have air conditioning and we were in the 85 degree classrooms in August getting set up. I was super sweaty and hot and dusty and gross and I thought I heard the ice-cream man. (click on that link and you can hear the song for yourself...be prepared. It tends to get stuck in your head!) I thought that was odd because we never get the ice-cream man in Commerce City. The music kept getting louder and louder so I went to my outside door to look out...nothing. Just the playground. Funny, I thought. Then I looked up and Lynn was wheeling her laptop into the room: it was playing the ice-cream man song! Under it, she had a bunch of choices of ice-cream for the staff to have. Just a little treat to help you through the day, she said, laughing. I got to pick my ice-cream and she wheeled away to the next teacher with the ice-cream song playing. It was awesome.

So, we had a sad day today. Lynn has decided to apply for a very prominent position in the district. It's an amazing opportunity for her and we're really not surprised: someone with her talents wasn't going to last at Alsup for very long. We all walked around today with sad, but resigned faces. We knew it was too good to last. We had an amazing leader who got our little school up to over 90% proficient in the CSAP tests (the other schools in our district are around 30%-60%) and now she's going to be gone. She's been gone since Feb anyway helping out at another school, but now she's officially gone.

I have to make some decisions now. I've always said that the main reason I love my job is because I have such an amazing principal. That's gone now. We'll see what I decide to do...

Here's a picture of me with Lynn and some of the staff when we took a trip to Niagara Falls for a training. We really enjoyed our time away from the conference! (Lynn is front and center and Niagara is behind us.)

Maelin's 2nd Birthday

2009-04-15T20:53:00.003-06:00

Came and went. Maelin is officially 2 years old. Amazing. We had scheduled her party for April 4, but the weather people (who make WAY too much money for how inaccurate they are) predicted 8-15 inches of snow for the 4th so we postponed it till the next Sat the 11th. Which was a bit of a bummer because my mom had flown out for it and some of our best kid friends wouldn't be able to come.

Lesson learned. Don't listen to weather people.

Anyway, we had Maelin's "Maisy Mouse" party on the 11th at our house. We all had a really nice time. The weather cooperated and even though a few of our good friends and family weren't able to make it, everyone who was there was in a great mood and excited to help our little one celebrate how big she is getting!

She was a bit out-of-sorts though. She did NOT like having that many people in her house. She was totally clinging to me, Kevin, Kat and Jeff. That's it. NO ONE else was allowed near her (which made Kat and Jeff very happy...Grandma, not so much). She had a great time running around outside and swinging. However, she was a bit confused why we were messing with Elmo the pinata. You could totally see the wheels turning in her head and wondering why candy and things were falling out of Elmo's back.

Then it was cake time! She didn't understand the whole "blow out the candles" thing, but she got into the spirit of it when cousin Ryan helped her blow. She loved her cake...as shown by the totally adorable picture below. She's still asking for "Brdday Cake?!?" as soon as we get into the car every day...then opening her mouth real wide into an "O" shape like she's super excited for it. :-) Couldn't be cuter.

The best part of any birthday party is the presents! Maelin got lots of great stuff: books, toys, tea sets, shoes, and a zoo pass! I'm super excited about that one. Anyway, she had fun opening presents until we tried to help her: that created a 15 minute crying-jag because she wasn't doing it herself. Little Diva.

Our good friends helped us celebrate Maelin's 2nd birthday with so much love and support. They brought food, drinks and even stayed late to help clean up. I hope when Mae grows up she realizes how lucky she is to be surrounded by so many people who think she's pretty special. I know I do.

Here are a few pictures from Maelin's birthday party. Our big 2-year-old girl!

Nuestra Niña Bonita

2009-04-09T21:16:00.001-06:00

I picked up Mae today from our babysitter's house and this little hair-do was what greeted me. I took about 40 pictures trying to get a good one, but Mae just does NOT want to sit still long enough for that to happen.

Super cute little one...

p.s. I've TRIED to do Maelin's hair in many different types of 'dos but the child will NOT let me. She hates it. It's amazing that Sandra got her to sit still for so long...maybe it's in the Spanish...

My Big Two-Year Old Girl

2009-04-06T09:07:00.004-06:00

Can hardly believe it's time to write this post about Mae Mae. She's 2 years old today. How is that possible?!? Wasn't I just pregnant? Wasn't I just posting about how tired I was with a newborn and how I wished I could get some sleep? Doesn't seem that long ago that we were up every 3 hours with her, or playing with her on the floor, or watching her sleep on Daddy's chest. How is she 2 already?!?

Our big two-year-old girl is the light of our lives. She is so incredibly smart. She knows all her ABC's backwards and forwards...in English and in Spanish. One of her great "tricks" is to start reading letters off of T-shirts, in line at Target, off of menus, etc. She also knows all her numbers, in order, from 1-20 in English. She knows them from 1-10 in Spanish as well. At the store the other day, we were in the shopping cart and Mae was singing her numbers in Spanish..."uno, dos,..." really loud as we were walking. A lady stopped me and told me how impressed she was that Mae knew that in Spanish and how wonderful it was. I said "Thank you" as Maelin continued to count. It was pretty darn cute.

She's also a bit of a diva. She knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it. She will not hesitate to let you know. She is really talking a lot and tends to gibber at you...until you realize that it is real words that she's saying...you just didn't understand. Last week we were coming out of Uncle and Auntie's apartment building and a man was waiting for us to come out so he could go in. Maelin walked by him and looked up at him as he was waiting and said, "-orry!". It was the cutest thing you've ever seen. He totally started laughing and she said it again..."-orry." We gave her high-fives for having such good manners.

She loves to play outside. Given the choice, she'd be perfectly content to spend all day running around in the dirt, smearing it all over her, playing with rocks, poking sticks, running up and down the hills, in her sandbox, writing with chalk, etc. She is the happiest when she's outside...so I'm very excited the weather is starting to change for the better and we can spend more time outside. My favorite days after work is when I go to pick up Maelin from Sandra's house and she's filthy. Totally covered in dirt from head to toe. Smeared with dirt everywhere. But...she's got the biggest grin. I love it.

She can also be incredibly sweet. She loves her family and friends so much and isn't afraid to run over and give you a hug...out of the blue. Or tell you to "SIT!" down next to her while she's reading because she wants your company. She will light up with the biggest smile when someone she knows comes over. She's a lucky girl to have so many people who love her and love to spend time with her...and she lets them know she appreciates it by her sweet hugs, love pats on the arm and constant demands that they "Sit!" next to her. A few days ago, we went in to wake up Daddy (yes, he gets to sleep in sometimes) and she ran in and yelled "Dada!" and then went to his side of the bed and demanded "Up!" so he lifted her up. She lay next to him and put her head on his shoulder and patted his arm and said "Dada" with a big grin. It was the cutest thing ever.

Her favorite things now:

"Yo Gabba Gabba." If you're wondering what the heck this is...you can thank Peter and Megan for introducing this to Mae. She LOVES it...go check it out on youtube if you're curious. I warn you...it's not my cup of tea at all.

"Am-in-als" Hippos, horsies, doggies (but only in theory: she's not a fan of dogs in real life)

"Nimo" (Gizmo...our big lover cat is her best friend)

vanilla ice cream, chips, "-ies?" (fries), Dum-Dum suckers, The Wiggles, Elmo, dirt, and "A-do-bo" (her friend at daycare...his name is Adofso but she can't say that).

Our little one is so amazing and precious and we're so lucky to have her. Here are a some pictures from the past wonderful two years. I can't believe how quickly she's growing up but I'm so excited to continue watching this little person grow, learn and change.

I love you Love Bug! Happy Birthday!

This was about 3 hours after Mae was born. I was exhausted from being in labor for 3 days but so excited to meet my little girl at last!

This was when Mae was about 2 weeks old. She loved laying in her crib and watching her mobile go round and round.

Maelin's first Christmas. We had the santa hat and everything for her but she liked the boxes and ribbons the presents came in best!

Mae was 6 months old in this picture. Again...she's laying in her crib. This was just a few days before she figured out how she could roll herself over!

Maelin was about 3 months old here. You can start to see her personality shine through!

I love this picture too because it shows how into books our little one has always been. She's about 13 months old here.

This is one of Maelin's First Year Portraits. I love this one. I just think she's so pretty...

Maelin enjoying her pool in the backyard in her new house. We had just moved so she was about 14 months old here.

Look Mommy...I'm a big walking girl! She was about 15 months old when she started walking and boy, was she proud!

Maelin playing at the Children's Museum at about 1 1/2 years old. She loved being a vet!

Maelin's "Stink Face". One of my all-time favorite pictures of her. She is about 17 months old here.

This is Maelin just a couple of days ago at the zoo. She kept running over to these guys to yell at them..."Cows?" She loves the zoo.

This is the epitome of Maelin. She's happiest when playing in the dirt. No matter where we are, if there's dirt that can be played in...she'll find it and smear it all over her. She was way less interested in the animals at the zoo after she found this dirt. I sat next to her and made myself comfortable. We played in this darn dirty, muddy pool for about 45 minutes before I dragged her kicking and yelling away to wash her hands.

This is what the "Terrible Twos" are going to be like?!? Bring it on Mae...

Our Little Diva Girl

2009-03-30T17:44:00.001-06:00

We know it. We're raising a diva. She loves hats, scarfs, boots...anything that adds to her fashion sense. Here's a couple pictures of our little one enjoying the latest in fashion trends!

Uncle Jeff Turns 39!

2009-03-24T21:04:00.004-06:00

We love our Uncle Jeff. ("un-tle deff") He's great and we're so lucky to have him. He turned 39 years old last weekend and the party wouldn't have been complete without time with Jeff and his best friend...Maelin.

We took Jeff out for his favorite dinner on Friday night: Outback steak house. Maelin was very good. She loved twisting around in the booth and watching the people behind us. She was very proud that she wasn't in a highchair and was a big girl sitting at the table.

Then on Saturday night, Jeff and Kat came over (Auntie Heather was spending the weekend which was great fun!) and we got Jeff's favorite pizza and cake. Even though it wasn't Maelin's birthday (which I said to myself a long time ago was the only time she'd ever be allowed cake), it was her BFF's, so she got cake. She LOVED it. (shocking, right?) Then we played and played till it was time for bed.

We adults stayed up with some nice beverages and watched "Stardust." It's a great movie. If you've never seen it, I highly recommend it. Full of adventure, humor, romance, evil witches, brave princes, etc. (oh...and Robert DeNiro is a gay pirate which helps....)

We had a great birthday celebration with Uncle Jeff! Kat's is next!

The Girls in My Life

2009-03-18T17:40:00.010-06:00

No, this is not going to be about Maelin. If you only ever visit my blog to see what's up with Maelin and/or to live vicariously through a teacher in the ghetto, this is not the post for you.

I've been getting some slack lately about the posts I've been writing. Some people (who shall remain nameless) are a little annoyed that they've been there for me through every single major life event that I've ever had, held a leg when Maelin was born, helped me pack up and move out of my ex's house and gave me a place to stay when I was so terrified that I'd be homeless, went with me when the previous love-of-my-life had to be put to sleep (my wonderful kitty Chloe) and cried just as hard as I did, showed up at the hospital too many times to count when my mom was close to death and argued with the nurses there when I was too exhausted to do it, almost got on a plane to Italy when I was too scared to contemplate going by myself in the hopes that I would go after all, and countless other amazing, selfless things that only true girlfriends will do for you...and there's been yet a post about them.

Ok...you've earned it.

So this post is not about the current love-of-my-life Maelin: it's going to be about the other girls in my life that give me the strength, courage and most of all, the humor to do what I do every day. This post is about my friends.

I have been really lucky all my life to be surrounded by brilliant, self-assured, hilarious and extremely grounded girlfriends. I know not everyone is as lucky. 2 of my oldest friends have been involved in every major life decision since I was about 20. So that means we've been as close as sisters for almost 15 years. Another friend has been around in one way or another for about 10 years and it feels like she's always been here. The final two are newer friends: but that doesn't mean that I don't totally adore both of them and thank god every day that I'm that lucky to have them in my life.

I'm going to start with Kat. As you probably know, she is married to my brother now so not only is she one of my best friends in the world, she's my sister-in-law and Maelin's auntie. That's pretty cool. I am so lucky to have her. She drops everything the minute I call. She is probably one of the most fun people I know: she has an awful singing voice, but that doesn't stop her from belting out any song (complete with incorrect lyrics) if it means it will put a smile on Maelin's face. I'll never forget when Maelin was born. Long story short: although I had wanted all my girls in the room with me when Maelin came, Kat was the first one who made it. She brought snacks. She drank with Kevin to pass the time. She argued with the nurses when they wouldn't give us a sheet when I desperately wanted one. She held my legs and helped me breathe. Then she cried as Maelin entered the world.

She has been there every day since. Who knows better how Maelin likes to dance? Or sing? Who else would I trust my precious little girl with as much as Kat? No one. She loves her as much as I love her and that's so much more than any mom could ever ask. I'm so lucky to have her.

Then we're going to Sherry and Emily. These two have been my rocks through life since I was 20 years old. They've helped me through everything: grad school, parental illness, breakups, weddings, children, etc. They met me out in Italy when I was teaching out there for a fun 2 weeks of girl time and they were sure to call me once a week while I was teaching to be sure I never got too lonely. They were the ones that convinced me that I could go to college and be successful and they were the ones who wrote letters of recommendations and helped me with the essays. They held my hands during my wedding(s)! and held me when I cried over them. They have been my sisters through life. They drove me to doctor appointments when I was in labor for 3 days, showed up just as Mae was making her entrance to get pictures and they love my family as much as I do. Even though we're all busy now and don't get to see each other as much as we'd like to, they are my family and nothing will ever change that.

Now Katey and Christina. These two are awesome. I've known Christina for about 10 years and Katey for about 5 but it seems much more than that. If you've ever met someone and felt an immediate attraction to them because you feel like your souls speak to each other, that's what it was like with both of these ladies. I met them through the people they were dating and even though those relationships are long gone and over, my friendship with them will always be there. I love how much they both love life and adore their friends. I am so lucky to have girlfriends who are as loyal and true as these two are to me.

Now here's the best part: ALL these ladies know each other, like each other and we actually choose to all hang out together! How lucky is that?!? I love that when it's time for me to go out, I don't have to choose who I'm hanging out with that night...we all go out together! Everyone loves everyone else. It's very much like 90210. :-)

There's my post about my girls. Here's a few pictures of some of the amazing things we've done together over the many years.

I love you ladies!!! I'm so lucky to have you!

This is last summer in Seattle with Kat, Maelin and I. We had a great week out there visiting my sister.

Emily, Sherry and I at Em's Bach Party.

This is Katey, Em and I at Emily's "Cowboy" Engagement Party

Kat and I...where we were officially made "sisters" (even though we already were)

Kat, Christina and I at a party for Christina's birthday...honestly don't remember when this was. (there's been a lot of birthdays)

All my girls and I at my baby shower they threw for me. I'm very pregnant and I love my girls!

Emily, Sherry and I dancing at a friend's wedding. Who needs Men when you have friends like this?

Christina, Emily and I at Katey's Bach Party. Oh, we girls LOVE to celebrate!

Love this picture: Kat, Emily, Christina and I at Katey's wedding. We're the cutest girls ever!

Katey and I went to Rome for a week a few years ago. We had an amazing time!

My girl Kat and I enjoying our wine in Paris. I think this was in the red light district right across the street from the Moulin Rouge. We enjoyed our wine that night!

Christina, Kat and I in Santa Fe. For those of you who don't know, Santa Fe is an AMAZING girls' trip. It's a 6 hour drive from Denver and we used to go every year. We love our time down there.

Christina, Katey and I when "Phantom of the Opera" came through a few years ago. We lived it up that night!

Emily, Shery, Katey and I trooped down to New Orleans for my 30th birthday. We spent about 4 days down there and really enjoyed Bourbon Street and our late-night pizza!

Wordless Sunday Pictures

2009-03-15T09:13:00.002-06:00

Maelin playing outside in the dirt...her favorite thing to do

I Love My Cousin

2009-03-08T07:53:00.011-06:00

We have a good-sized extended family. My dad is the oldest of 5 kids, so there's always an aunt or uncle nearby. However, we were a bit isolated from our family when we were growing up (thanks to a crazy religion that kept us that way) so we didn't get to see our family as much as we would have liked to.

I remember the few times that our aunts/uncles got to come visit us. It was better than we imagined Christmas would be. We were excited for weeks. They would finally come visit for a day or so (that's about all they were allowed or could bear) and we had so much fun with them. I remember just sitting next to my aunt Jane and rubbing her sleeve because I was so happy she was near.

Then they always left. They took the sunshine with them.

As I got older (and crazy religion was a thing of the past) I really took time to make good relationships with my extended family. I spent hours at my aunt's house. I got on a plane and went to visit my only 2 cousins that are close in age to me in Milwaukee...Caroline and Peter. I had only met them once or twice up to that point so it was like meeting strangers. However, it was like the years apart had just made us stronger: we were family.

Over the years, my cousin Peter and I became good friends. I've out to visit him quite a few times and he's come out here and we always had a lot of laughs and fun. We've gone tubing and hiking up in the mountains during his visits. When we went out there, we all went to Chicago together and spent time clubbing at different Blues clubs. We have been to Wrigley Field together and spent many a fun day up at my grandma's Traverse City, MI beach house. There have been many a beer over the years...and many a laugh. For my 30th birthday, he flew out here to surprise me: I'll never forget how surprised I was when I was hanging out at the bar with Kevin and my brother and around the corner was a guy who looked an awful lot like Peter. It took my brain a few seconds to realize...it WAS Peter!! He had been planning the visit for a while and was so excited to surprise me. I'll always remember that as the best part of my 30th birthday.

I adore my cousin. Even though I don't get to see him or talk to him as much as I would like because we're both busy, I consider him one of my best friends. He is one of the most genuine and fun people you'll ever hope to meet.

I was lucky enough to have him out for a visit this past weekend. We had a great time. He brought his girlfriend Megan with him and she's wonderful. I was able to take Friday off of work and we hung out in Boulder doing Boulder-Things and we toured a brewery. We spent last night at my dad's house where the whole family was able to come...all my family who lives nearby and whom I love so much. My aunt, my younger cousins, sister, nephews, etc.

One of my favorite parts of this past weekend with Peter was when we were driving home from Boulder. We had Maelin in the car with us and she was a bit cranky because I refused to put on "Mama Mia" for her (yes, my daughter is a bit demanding). Megan and Peter were in the backseat with her and I turned up the 80's music hoping she would forget that it wasn't "mia". Peter and Megan spent the entire ride home from Boulder (about 45 minutes) dancing with Maelin, clapping, singing, kicking and laughing. Maelin had a blast. We have pictures of her just grinning. At one point I looked back and caught a glimpse (yes, I was keeping my eyes on the road as best I could with the dance party in the backseat) of Peter just smiling and laughing as he looked at my daughter and Maelin laughing back at him.

I had a glimpse of the future: Maelin has a built-in friend now too. Although Peter lives far away, he will always be there for us. Maelin will now be the one who looks forward to his visits and when he finally gets here (or I take her out there to run him crazy), she'll be the one who just sits and pats his sleeve. Family is a precious thing and I am so lucky that mine is so wonderful.

Maelin is a lucky girl to be a part of it.

Here are a few pictures from our visit this weekend...

4 Generations of Kimlings: My grandma, my dad, Maelin and I

Cousin Pete, my brother Jeff and I after many, many, MANY hours of beers. This was at about 2am

Our extended family. My aunt and her daughters, some other friends, my sister and nephews, etc.

My grandma and her grandkids...all the Kimling Cousins

Cousin Peter, my sister Heather, Jeff, Mary, Emmie and I.

Peter, Jeff, Megan and I at the best brewery tour I've been to in a long time. Dale's Pale Ale folks! Gotta try it...

At Boulder Falls...so pretty and relaxing

Winter Time in Colorado

2009-03-01T14:59:00.003-07:00

It doesn't snow here very much. Oh, I know if you don't live here, you hear awful horror stories about how much snow Colorado gets and it sounds awful. "Boy, I'd never want to live there" you probably think.

That is true: the MOUNTAINS get a lot of snow. Here in city, not so much. In fact, I think this winter has been one of the driest in recent years. We still have the month of March to go (which historically, has always been one of our snowiest months), but up till now, I think we've only had 3 or 4 good snowstorms all winter.

That presents a problem for a little girl who has a sled that Grandma and Boppy gave her. She LOVES her sled and we've been waiting to take it out and use it. Only problem? Yup...no snow.

Being innovative parents, we have solved that problem. For those of you who don't live in CO and would hate it because of the harsh winters...I give you the following pictures. Keep in mind it's 60 degrees in Feb while this is taking place.

Enjoy!

The Ups and Downs of Being a Teacher

2009-02-26T19:31:00.002-07:00

Haven't written much lately about the wonderful topic of teaching, so for those of you who love to peek into the classrooms and see what really goes on, here's a tidbit of what my past week has been like. I'll cut out the minutiae and really delve into the juicy bits:

Ups:

*Having my students hug me and tell me how much they love me...and I know they mean it. They have so little positive adult interaction in their lives, it makes me feel like what I'm doing here is so worthwhile.

*Seeing my kids raise their reading, writing and math scores. EVERY single one of my kiddos this year has made huge gains already: even the special-ed ones. Not every single one is on grade level of course (take that, No-Child-Left-a-Dime!), but they are all learning and I can prove it. They'll leave my classroom much smarter and more prepared than when they entered it and that's all any teacher can really hope for.

Having an old student write me a letter telling me how much I influenced her to get her life moving in the right direction, that I'm her favorite teacher and she promises to always do her best and not get pregnant in high school and she'll go to college. (not kidding: that was her goal and it's a good one considering her mom had 3 kids by the time she was 18).

*Another teacher brought me flowers today as a "Thank You" for the extra help I gave her. I work in a great building: we all collaborate together and I did it because that's what I do, but getting the extra thanks was really nice.

*Feeling like I'm really doing something with my life that may not matter now, or in 5 years, but I'm providing a stable, positive example for every kid that passes through my door. I'm the "port in the storm", so to speak and I love it.

After all that "feel goodness", hope you're ready for this...

Downs:

*One student was called out of class this week and had to go to the office. They never tell you why. She came back about 30 minutes later looking very upset. As I have 26 kids, I didn't have the time right that second to go find out what was wrong, and I forgot about it till after lunch. Her mom called and asked to speak with her: right in the middle of math. I said sure, but I was thinking that was really strange. I had to get back to the other 25 kids and started teaching math again while she was talking to her mom and about 10 minutes later I looked up and she was still talking and crying! I ran over to the phone and snatched it away from her (I don't give a f%%k WHO you are: no one calls up one of my little ones and makes them cry in the middle of the school day!) and told Mom that now was NOT the time to have whatever conversation they were having and hung up on her. My little one was still crying so I got the other kids working and took her to my desk and the poor little thing just broke down all over my shoulder. Crying her little eyes out as I held her. She finally told me that Mom was in jail: she was living with Grandma with her 5 sisters and Mom had driven drunk and gotten caught and left the youngest one all alone. Social services came to talk to her (that was why she had left class that morning) and Mom was calling from jail very upset because she wanted to know what my little one had told the cops.

Can you believe that???? Calling up a 7 year old in the middle of a school day to grill her about what they told the cops (and she must have been terrified to rat out her mom...) from jail???? Unbelievable. I wanted to take her home with me, but I watched her trudge slowly away when the bell rang.

*Almost got beat up by a 12 year old. She (yes, a girl...how cool does that make me???) is the older sister of one of my kiddos and she didn't like that I kept her brother in for 5 minutes after the bell rang to talk to him. Oh, she would have totally beat me up: I don't know how to fight! Luckily, another teacher came by and she dropped it and left.

*Another middle-school boy (brother of the same kid) got in my face this morning before school. He was playing on the 1st grade playground and I told him to leave and go to class. He squared his shoulders at me (for a split second I wished I remembered some of my kick-boxing moves) and glared and left. Fun.

*Spent 1 hour dealing with a punk 5th grader who ruined one of the brand-new soccer balls that the soldiers gave my class for Xmas. I knew it was him but he kept yelling at me that it wasn't him and it was huge drama. I finally got him to break down and cry and now he owes every recess in detention writing my class 26 apology letters.

So there you go. For those of you who wonder what it's REALLY like to teach in Commerce City, that's a quick glimpse of the last 4 days. That doesn't count the report cards that are due, the testing we need to give and collect, the data we need to enter, the phone calls that need to be made, the CSAP test that we're in the midst of giving and oh yes! the teaching.

How many weeks till summer vacation?

Disneyland 2009!

2009-02-22T16:47:00.006-07:00

So you all know from my previous posts that we were planning a trip with my mom for her 60th bday to Disneyland.

We're back and we've lived to tell about it!!

We had a great time: however, Maelin was very sick the entire time we were there. After we got home, we went straight from the airport to the doctor and she had a double ear infection, pink eye and a cold. Of course. It seems like the child is always healthy and never sick except when we've got something fun planned. (remember Halloween? She had Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. Christmas??? She had the stomach flu)

Anyway, she's just now starting to feel better and act like her old self. She was such a trooper though. I was so proud of her! Disneyland is always fun and magical and especially when you've got a little one with you. She LOVED the Small World ride ("dolls?") and Dumbo ("fly?") and the Carousel ("horsies?") and she now is in love with Mickey and Minnie. She LOVES them. It's the cutest thing in the whole world.

All in all, I'm really glad we went because I know my mom had a great time and that was the main reason we were going in the first place. I forgot how hard it is to take a little one to Disneyland and allow for naps (especially when she's sick and wakes up screaming every night from 2am-5am) but I wouldn't change it. We had so much fun with Uncle Jeff, Auntie Kat, Aunt Heather and Nana and those are memories that will last long after Maelin's sicknesses have faded away.

Here are some of the pictures from our trip. As you'll see, it rained pretty hard the first day we were there (hence the lovely outfits!) and then the weather was great. You won't see much of Miss Maelin's trademark grin because she was feeling so yucky, but every once in a while it popped out.

I think the memory I'll always have of our first trip to The Happiest Place on Earth was how the magic is real and even affects tiny kids who are hurting and sick. Mickey and Minnie took good care of us and I can't wait to go back!

Colorado Proud!

2009-02-19T11:28:00.001-07:00

You know you’re from Colorado when…~~

You’ve got a perpetual crack in your windshield

It reaches 75 degrees outside and you just can't wait for it to be September when the snow starts because it’s just too hot out!

When it's 40 degrees outside, you can tell which people are from out of state on campus because they have their jackets on. Coloradoans are dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and maybe some close toed shoes.

The homeless guys outside of Cherry Creek Mall begging for money are listening to iPods.

You were really upset when Six Flags bought Elitches and renamed it "Six Flags over Elitch Gardens", because it will always be Elitches.

The BEST concert venue in the entire world is Red Rocks and you don't break a sweat hiking up to the main entrance.

You never notice the sunset anywhere else. Without the mountains, it’s really just not that nice.

You understand what "Exit Kipling, exit Ward..." means and can finish the sentence.

You know Crocs originated here, and are a little embarrassed

You laugh at parts of South Park no one else gets!

When people call Denver the 'Mile High' City, you remind them that it's actually more than a mile high.

You've always had white Halloweens but only two white Christmases.

When you talk to people from other states who say they have mountains in their state too, and you just laugh.

Everyone thinks you live in the mountains, regardless of where you actually do live.

When you know even though it's summer, it's not a good idea to go out without a jacket… just in case.

It snows 6 inches and you know school won't be cancelled. (HATE this one!!)

You have no true accent.

You wear flip flops year-round.

We ♥ Colorado!!

The Happiest Place on Earth

2009-02-11T22:15:00.004-07:00

I know you all know where this place is. I know you've either been there and experienced the magic for yourselves or you've heard the stories. You've heard how college-educated people will HAPPILY pay $8 for a coke. You've heard how normally very hip people will buy a huge Minnie Mouse sweatshirt and insist they WILL wear it once they get home. You've also heard how people spend their entire savings just to take their families there...just once. You've heard the tales...or maybe you've been there yourselves.

Well, my friends, the stories you've heard are true. All of it. I should know: my family and I are officially Disneyland Junkies. I could guide you around that place in my sleep. Honestly, that IS something to be proud of! :-)

When we were growing up, my family wasn't very well-off. There were 4 kids and my dad never had much of a job to speak of. My mom worked really hard at multi-level-marketing type jobs and eventually she had worked hard enough to take us to Disneyland.

Oh, how excited we were! I remember I was in 6th grade and I saved and saved and saved my baby-sitting money. I remember I had finally saved up about $40. I made my mom take me to the bank to change it into travelers checks so I could buy the wonderful things at Disneyland and feel like a grown-up (or rich...can't remember now).

We all piled into our '69 VW Van for the coooooooooold drive out to CA. Oh, it was fricken' freezing that trip! We went in December because my mom didn't want us to miss too much school and our heater broke. (of course it did). I remember huddling on the floor of the van somewhere in AZ thinking I had never been so cold.

But eventually...we made it. I will never forget my first glimpse of the Disneyland sign...announcing you had made it to the Happiest Place on Earth. We had a fantastic time then. I think we stayed for about a week: oh yes, when the Kimling's go to Disneyland, we don't waste any time. We get there about an hour before the park opens and we stay till they kick you out. Then fall into bed so sore and exhausted but still excited for the next day. Then we'd do it all over again...for 6 more days or so. Sound like overkill?? Not to us. There might be a shop we missed or a t-shirt that we hadn't seen yet or if we sat in the front of the car in Space Mountain you might get a better ride.

Things continued on like this for years. My mom would save and save and take us out to CA almost every year from the time I was in middle school. Most of the time, it was just her and us 4 kids. Once my brother decided he was too cool to go, so he stayed home. Another time my older sister was playing in the band that marched down Main Street so we all trooped down because there was NO way she was going by without us! Most of the time we drove out there: I think our record once was Denver to LA in 11 hours. (I drove that time :-)

We took our husbands and girlfriends out there with us. I even went when I was pregnant with MaeMae. My two cousins had never been (horror!) and we just had to take them and they had the best time. We have pictures of us with our various ex's and we went once to cheer up my sister after her divorce. Just recently, I was able to meet my mom out there for ONE day: oh yes, that's how die-hard we are. My mom decided she needed her "Disneyland Fix" and I wanted to go, but I had a 10 month old at home so mom flew me out on a Friday night. I got in to LA around 12 and got up at the crack of dawn and spent 15 hours at the park with her on Saturday and then went home Sunday morning. I remember that trip because it was the first time my mom and I were there just the two of us. I remember sitting at our favorite breakfast spot at the Lilly Belle Cafe (right next to New Orleans Square) and talking about all the trips to Disneyland and what they meant to all of us.

She said that looking back, those are the memories that make her the happiest. She felt so proud she was able to do that for us while we were growing up and she's so excited to start coming with us as adults and as our children get older, to be able to share that with us as well.

I'm excited she's going to get her chance. As some of you know, my mom hasn't had the best health history...in fact we almost lost her right before my wedding in 2004. Thankfully, she's doing much better now and we are leaving tomorrow to celebrate her 60th birthday. Where???

Where else would the Kimling's go to celebrate something? Where else would we be happy to spend $6 on a magnet? Or $12 on Maelin's first pair of Mickey Mouse ears? Or content just to sit at the castle gates with a Mickey ice cream cone watching the world go by?

Yup...we're taking Maelin for her first (but certainly not the last) visit to the Happiest Place on Earth. I hope her childhood memories of it will be as awesome as ours are. Even though she's a bit too young to remember much about this visit, I know the magic will get her too. Just how it's going to, we'll have to wait and see.

Maybe she'll want a $45 stuffed Pooh Bear. Think we'll get it for her???

The Crazy Days of a 2nd Grade Teacher

2009-02-08T22:06:00.002-07:00

Haven't written much lately about teaching: ever since I went back after xmas break, I've just been trying to keep my head above water. Lately though, it's been a bit more crazy than usual.

Here is a quick list of what last week looked like for me and what this week has in store: enjoy living the life of a teacher!

*Went to a conference last Friday on Behavior Needs for students. It was a great conference, but I had to take extensive notes because I'm presenting the information that I learned to the school staff on Tuesday morning. I need to present 8 hours worth of information in 15 minutes: in a valuable way. Fun.

*Had to make sub plans for when I was gone. Took about an hour of time I didn't have after school

*Another training all day Saturday on how to best teach English-language-learners how to write. Unlike other jobs, teachers often put in extra time during the weekends and during the summer learning new techniques, updating their licenses, etc.

*Spent Sunday playing with Maelin since I hadn't seen her all week and getting laundry and errands done

*Monday was crazy: as it always is after a sub. Had to clean up the room, put all the stuff away, have the kids write apology notes to the sub for misbehaving and get them back into learning mode

*Meeting on Tuesday with our principal about the conference and what I was going to present to the staff

*Made appointments for 2 parents to have a conference since they hadn't shown up for conferences 2 weeks ago

*Waited for parents to come for the conferences on Wed after school: again, they never showed up

*Got to school early on Wed morning (Maelin loved that) for a special ed staffing. These are required for our special ed kids once a year and we do them on our own time and do not get paid for them. Have another one next Wednesday morning

*Thursday night was Science Night: had to stay till 7pm and run science experiments with the kids and the families that show up. I was able to bring Maelin with me but because she would have destroyed our science stuff, she hung out in the Kindergarten room and had a great time

*Friday was awful. Kids were off the wall and lying to me and hitting each other and crying and throwing up (literally) all over the room. The school secretary blames it on how nice the weather has been lately. She says the kids are having early spring fever

*Tomorrow is going to be crazy. Have to get ready for my presentation on Tuesday and one of the parents who didn't show up last week said they're coming tomorrow to talk to me. We'll see

*Tuesday is presentation when it's over I'll be so glad!

*Wednesday is going to be nuts. I'm going out of town this weekend, so I have two days of sub plans to write, copies to make, etc. Have to make sure every single second of both days are accounted for. I also have another special ed staffing on Wednesday to get ready for: which means I need to spend Tuesday doing some testing and evaluating so I'm ready for it. And...we have a visitor coming all day Wed afternoon who wants to observe.

That's just work. I'm still a full-time Mommy who has to make sure Maelin's teeth aren't hurting her too bad and the bathrooms are clean and laundry is done and bills are paid and shopping is done and get everything packed for our trip this weekend. I'm having panic attacks that I'm going to forget diapers or something this weekend.

Oh...and I'm starting my own business on the side! Like I have nothing else to do! I'm super passionate about it and I'm not going to be a millionaire, but I 100% believe in what I'm going to be doing. I'll post about it later but right now: I need to get busy!

Next time you think to yourself how easy teachers have it because they get "All That Time Off", remember my last few weeks.

Pictures of MaeMae

2009-02-08T09:04:00.005-07:00

Here you go...all you Maelin fans have been disappointed with me lately but I finally got Kevin off of the computer so I could download my pics of Maelin and throw a few up here. Hope it was worth the wait!

For some reason, our daughter LOVES to walk around in other people's shoes. She usually doesn't get very far before she tumbles down, but her attempts at it are pretty funny

This is probably my favorite picture of Mae that we've taken in a long time. She loves wearing her hat and this was a cold day where we just spent 30 minutes running up and down our hill in our front yard. So much fun! I love how blue her eyes look: still wondering where she gets those from!

Playing at the park during one of our 60 degree days in January. Love Colorado!

I love my food Mommy!

I think we're raising another Mary Lou Retton or something...she loves to do this trick: she's even been known to fall to the ground in Target and try it there! Gymnastics classes might have to wait a few years...

I Know, I Know...

2009-02-05T21:56:00.002-07:00

I've received a few comments that I haven't been posting as much as I used to and it's annoying. You all check back to see pictures of Maelin and to hear what's going on and I've been failing at keeping up.

I agree.

Here's the problem: I can only post pictures and/or write a post late at night after Maelin has gone to bed. However, after teaching 26 kids all day with no help whatsoever (I am the only 2nd grade teacher without a para to come help or a student teacher AND I have the most students of any of them...but that's another post) and then coming home and getting dinner ready and then playing for a few hours with my precious baby girl and then getting her ready for bed and helping her fall asleep, I'm EXHAUSTED by 9:30pm and all I can do is get clothes and food ready for the next day and fall into bed...just to wake up at 6am to do it all over again.

The weekends aren't much better either. I am usually busy trying to catch up on laundry and visiting with friends and let's not forget the precocious 21 month old that would like me to play with her, thank you very much! I just haven't been able to find the 30 minutes it takes to sit down and write a properly spelled, interesting post for you complete with pictures.

So, please keep checking back. I have some news that I'm getting ready to share with you and Maelin will be 22 months old tomorrow, so that deserves a special post (complete with pictures I promise!) all its own.

See you soon!!!

25 Random Things About Me

2009-01-28T23:29:00.003-07:00

Okay, if you're on facebook, you've probably already seen this. However, I know some of you have not joined yet (or will never join), so this is for you. Enjoy! (or not...you may want to go watch "Tool Academy" or something equally entertaining)

25 Random Things About Me

1. I am totally in love with my daughter. Head-over-heels love. I had no idea that I could love someone so much and so intensely. Even when she's 2 feet away from me, I miss her. I finally understand why "they" say, "Having a child is making a decision to forever have your heart be walking around outside of your body." My greatest fear is something happening to her that I can't control.

2. I crushed my knee in 1995 on a white water rafting trip. You might remember that year...it rained the entire month of March. Rivers were way up. I had 3 surgeries and was on crutches for 8 months. I was supposed to get a total knee replacement in 2005 but that has yet to happen. Keep fingers crossed...

3. I was a Jehovah's Witness growing up. To those of you who don't know much about that, I was taught that anyone who wasn't a witness was bad and not to be friends with and I was taught you all were going to die a fiery death when Armageddon came and the day of judgement caught you all in your horrendous deeds. I've been waiting for that day to come and so far...nada.

4. My greatest regret (to date) is that I never finished high school. I dropped out after sophomore year to be a better Witness. I became an Ordained Minister (I could have performed marriages at 16!) and finished high school through the mail. However, my dad never paid the final bill so I never got my diploma. I couldn't go to college until I was 21 because of that.

5. I have one tattoo and don't need any more. I fear that if I get another one, they'll just keep multiplying like rabbits.

6. I was a bartender for 2 years at a pretty nice restaurant in Cherry Creek. Still miss that hoppin' lifestyle! But...I can make a mean Cosmo!

7. I can play the piano, violin, oboe, drums, xylophone (the real one you see in bands and orchestras...not Maelin's toy one), cello, clarinet and the flute (although not very well). Music is the one thing that seems to be lost as I get older. My piano is still at my friend's house while I make room for it here. I plan to bring it home soon. Violin got hocked to pay rent when I was 19.

8. I taught English in Italy for 3 months in 2002. Best experience of my life (besides Maelin, of course). I had never been out of the country by myself before and I cried like a baby the entire first night. Was too afraid to cross the street in France to go get some dinner so I stayed on my hotel bed and ate the oreos my mom had given me before I left. However, this remains one of the things I will be most proud of accomplishing. I recommend it to everyone: being on your own in a foreign country forces you to figure out real quick who you are. This is one of the reasons I'm so in love with Italy and its people.

9. I plan on retiring in Italy (specifically Umbria or Sorrento or Rome) one day. Kevin and I disagree on this. It's good we have a few years to discuss because I'm going!

10. I am terrified of heights. I start shaking on staircases that you can see through. Don't get me started on Seattle's Space Needle or the Eiffel Tower. Very pretty to look at but only from a safe distance. This fear gets worse as I get older...

11. I love Disneyland, Disney World and the Magic that is Walt Disney. They really are the "Happiest Place(s) on Earth!"

12. I'm the first one in my family to get a Bachelors Degree...I'm also the first one in my family to get a Masters Degree. Very proud of both of those. Went to school at night and on weekends while holding down a full time job to finish both. Took 5 years for the BA and 3 for the MA. Will take 10 times that long to pay off the student loans.

13. I would not be who I am today or where I am today without my friends.

14. I love my Mother-in-Law. Really!

15. I do not own an IPod. Or an IPhone. Or an MP3 player. Or much else. I'm somewhat a tech-phobe. I figure if I need it, Kevin will get it and share.

16. I have no idea what music I'm into these days because Maelin insists on only "Mamma Mia" playing in the car. Nothing else will do. If I try to play something else, she'll quickly scream, "NOOOOOOO...NOT MIA, NOT MIA!" Our commute to and from work is getting unbearable.

17. My job is okay. Neither love it or hate it. I figure I'll keep doing it as long as "they" tell me I'm still good at it. Too tired to figure out something else I could do that still gives me good retirement benefits (see # 9) and summers off to be with Maelin.

18. I suffered from Post-Partum Depression for 14 months after having Maelin. Incredibly debilitating. Especially when working full-time and having to do a good job there as well. Just recently got off the drugs and I feel like I'm doing okay. Have most of my energy back and have stopped thinking awful thoughts.

19. I've been to Brazil, Italy, Canada, Mexico, France, England, Netherlands and Belgium. Italy is my favorite. (what, you couldn't guess that????)

20. My youngest sister lives in Seattle and I would seriously consider moving there if need be. Only other place other than Colorado I'd move to. I totally love it. I love the feel of the city, how it's always green and flowers are everywhere, how everything is independent and you don't see strip malls and chain restaurants on every corner. Maybe someday...

21. I HATE cleaning my house. Despise it. Loathe it. Why even bother??? It just gets messy again. Especially with two very furry cats and a toddler who's favorite game is to hand me dirt from the house plants. Some of the best times in my life was before Maelin and we could afford a cleaner once a month. My God. Total heaven to come home from work and find the entire house gleaming. Smells of lemon and sunshine and rainbows. Even the toilet paper was folded into a pretty little point. I told Kevin I would stop eating dinner to save money so we could have that angel come back but he didn't believe me. Sigh...it's awful when you have it and then it gets taken away. Even now I walk into my dusty house and think, "I must tell the maid to dust that next time she's here....!"

22. I am incredibly and fiercely jealous of stay-at-home moms. What I wouldn't give to be able to stay home with Maelin every day and be able to play, read and sing with her. Instead I'm in a room with 26 8-year-olds who don't care much about school and yell and scream at me while I miss 2/3 of her life. Hmmmmm...maybe I should revisit the drug thing (see #18)

23. I know how lucky I am to have most of my immediate family living nearby.

24. I'm terrified of having another baby. We think we want one soon, but I'm really nervous about going through the awful pregnancy (mine was torture), the depression, the lack of sleep, the money issue, etc. (we really want Maelin to have a sibling. I LOVE my brother and sisters and really want that for Maelin.) Maelin was 1000 % worth all of it so the hope is that the 2nd one would be worth it too. We'll see.

25. I'm getting ready to start another business. Stay tuned...

My favorite place on earth...Sorrento, Italy.

Another Story About My Students

2009-01-27T11:23:00.002-07:00

The officers who donated all the gifts to my classroom for Christmas wrote a story about it and published it on their Air Force website. Here's the link to the story if you want to take a look.

Just so you know, it adds a few quotes from the officers who were involved and gives another aspect to the story. Grab some tissues before you read it: you may need them. :-)